"Courageous writing is mush" wrote one Mimi Lenox, as I tackled that terrifying word - VULNERABILITY.
"My fear is not of uncovering pain or looking at regret and being hurt by it. My fear is that I won't. Because deep down I know that that is the only place in me that is truly universal.....What I discover every time I run screaming from anything - is that my self-proclaimed I-am-woman-strength never holds a candle to the fear that nips at the heels of real. What I have discovered through the unassuming greatness of unmet artists across the globe and far-flung friends and passersby is simply this -I am nothing without my willowness.
My work is not a damn thing without it."
And perhaps, this year more than any before, the unmasking of the layers that sprawled serendipitously on the blog page held more promise for real than real ever had.
I chose to trust not only my own voice, but the listening ears and watching eyes of my readers. I'm not sure which held the greater risk but I suspect the former.
Who would listen to a woman with blultiple personalities anyway? (That's blog + multiple for you non-blog speakers)
Does "Meme Queen Pencil Skirt Peace Globe Dungeon Lady" ring a bell??
I had not wanted to write this post. I've been avoiding it. But ever since Lee tagged me for a reflective meme about last year's personal journey, I knew I couldn't answer his questions truthfully without turning around on the ride, throwing my hands up in the air - and good, bad or ugly - hanging on for the breathtaking bumps and bruises. After all, aren't we talking about a bold dare to be willow?
2006 brought the first Dona Nobis Pacem in the blogosphere; it became the main focus of my writing, ignited a new passion and spawned a peace movement in cyberspace. I became a pencil skirt when I decided to attack a laundromat, Mimi Queen of Memes was born and I developed a serious case of alliteration addiction.
By the end of 2007 Bloggingham Castle had a dungeon, a chatzy room, a blog boyfriend, a page-splattered love affair, a spot in Wikipedia, one less coffee cup, inedible eggs, no boyfriend, too many pencil skirts, blog radio interviews, NY Times empty promises and hundreds more peace globes for the gallery.
Oh. And a virtual cat.
I even took a peace globe to the White House for the other Queen's visit with George W. You gotta love the regal respect shown here as they pass by the globe.
I guess it's too much to ask for a curtsy.
The beginning of 2008 brought new adventures, a palace thief, a few Bloggingham explosions in the form of band memes, oodles of true blue blog friends, intentions to streamline my endless blogging into a real life, a long-distance boyfriend morphed into a close friend, Mars and Venus no longer collided in my pencil brain, and Homer - my virtual dog.
Despite Homer's smart-aleck presence on this blog, and his endless "hounding" of my pencil skirt ways, he was around to see my relationships as no other - especially one - which spiralled into uncharted waters for me, only to land in a puddle of blossoms called friendship. Sometimes, in spite of itself. But Homer wouldn't let me drown. And anyway, he is the only blog dog I trust.
Besides, he knows where my diary key is hidden.
I learned about emotional hydroplaning on the ride that was 2007, the unexpected spins sent my fingers flying to the paper and pen; at times nausea, at times joy, at times alone and sad - and that was just on the way down.
But anything worth its salt is always tested - including this blog - which is not only a mirror of the inner workings of Mimi Lenox, but also an ever-evolving documentation of just how far I will push myself to remain in wild-out-of-control modus operandus with my writing. And how often I choose to turn that little diary key and write what I dare, what I must - on the global open page of this space called my blog. This year, I've left it open more often than locked.
Sometimes Homer hides the key.
I withered. I waned. I willowed. You watched.
I think I'll leave the speculating to those who profess to be good at it and just say this. Sauteeing my heart on the blogpage - even when it hurt - proved hazardous to my health and oftentimes injurious to my pride, perhaps, even inviting a few unexpected reactions. All in all, if I had it to do over, I'd probably leave the details of my heartsong publicly unsung. Hindsight isn't always comfort when it's left for public consumption.
The moments were loud.
But they were authentic.
Which was my goal to begin with, now wasn't it?
I'll keep writing. I hope you will kindly read. But I promise you this: It'll take more than a few spills off a roller coaster to stop this pencil skirt.
The procrastination of this meme is largely due to the sheer fact that in order to honestly evaluate my year of life in 2007, I would have to include posts that have been moved to a new category of growth, that read happy, then sad, then happy, bittersweet, then happy. So what to do? At first I wouldn't resurrect some of these posts because I thought it inappropriate to publicly present them in a review- it was either NOT do them at all or ignore most of the emotional fibre of my whirlwind year. And then I realized that the task, Lee's meme, did not have to include analysis - just honesty - and so I tweaked the tasks. I hope you don't mind. . So here they are. Without reservation. My favorite posts that altered the course of my heart and life last year. Events that changed me and how I look at the world, changed how I move in relationships, days that challenged me emotionally to the core. And seen now from a clearer view where my heart sits perched from a different ledge.
I like what I see.
Life is good.
I've tried to recap my year by choosing a defining post from each month. It was impossible. So I chose what made me laugh - and still does; what made me cry - and still does; what made me proud. And for the record, YOU make me proud to be a blogger with your peace wielding ways.
This year was huge for me. And wide open. Thank you for reading. Thank you for cheering. Thank you for accepting "what spills from my pen" and never once asking me to censor. And thank you for allowing me to continue to try out my willow wings. They are stronger for it.
And so am I.
Keeper of The Blog Page (willow and all)
Break Is Over - It took me 17 hours to drive across the George Washington Bridge
A Certain Grace - Baseball and boys
Papa's Petals ~ A rose, a dream and a decision
Your Stunning Thoughts On Peace
Will That Be One Lump Or Two? ~ A meeting with Dr. Doom and the voice of panic
What I Did For Love ~ A personal relationship with Henry the Vacuum "And now this pulsating playboy catches me -and my ponytail- off guard. Red-faced with that cute little blush, he'd been trying to have a personal relationship with my pants leg all day; wielding wildly and amorously about as only a full upright can do. As you can see, he lied about his height. I should have stopped the nonsense then. It was apparent he was only after my ponytail. "
You Had Me At Constantly ~ I fell in love with a blog.
Sunday Blog Chatter: Peace Globes 2007
An Imaginary Conversation With Daddy - life support never looked so good
You Can't Drive Your House - the tale of the mouse
Trouble In Paradise
Woman, Tag Thyself - my pantyhose fell down
Someone Is Impersonating The Queen - I had an epiphany. "The present is determined by the future's past but I'm past that now."
Mimi Writes Wins a Bl-oscar - I'd like to thank the Blogademy.
Half a Meme For Half a Woman - 50 Things About Mi
The Other Half of Mi - Uncensored - call me a priss if you dare
The Door Wouldn't Lock - Virginia Tech
Don't Hate Him Girl - Mimi Style - I hate this site
Satchmo On the River With Mims: Meeting Mr. Weiser - It's a wonderful world
Mrs. McGillicutty Meets Mimi - He leaves me in charge of his 84-year-old mother and I can't even keep my fingernails on.
Please Stay On The Line, Your Call Is Very Important To Us - I grew tomatoes while Atlanta burned
What Doth a Boyfriend Make? - the ultimate relationship test
Dancing At The Truckstop - Lenny Kravitz and the London Tunnel
Skirts On a Plane - If you would rather not stay behind and die, please raise your hand.
I'll Take That In Large Bills - Aunt Brunhilde wasn't driving the plane, was she?
I Promised Not To Cry - Mother's Day Poem "To all the women...."
Where's My Spoon? - digging a tunnel to China
Behind The Bushes - George! I told you not to let that pencil skirt in here.
Breaking News! Bush To Host White-Tie Dinner for Queen - You'd think they'd give me a little more notice.
On a Crime Spree: The Queen Has Cracked - a felonious act of meme larceny in the third degree
Paisley Is The New Black - "I never knew a kitchen could be a room before."
Operation De-Bachelorization - I've got some 'splaining to do.Queen on Caffeine - I am not a threat to the stability of anything except the price of Columbian coffee beans.
Dona Nobis Pacem - June 6, 2007 BlogBlast For Peace
Studying War, Flying Peace - War doesn't stop at the border. Peace won't either.
If I Believe That Words Are Powerful, Then This Matters - It mattered.
The Place I'm In - a rose, a room, a door
From Snow To Sun ~ The Grand Adventure Takes A Turn
Mimi Morphs - The Sad Soapy Tale - I'm going to hell
Watch It, People. I Own A Dungeon - the birth of the dungeon and 7 wicked things
August 1, 2007
Life Before Mimi - Crutches and crushes
Mrs. Wiley and The Blizzard Of 78 - one of the wisest women I've ever known
When Jesus Twiddles His Thumbs - I was in no mood for a conversation with The Almighty
Can It Get Any Better Than This? - Five of the best nights of my life
Now I Lay Me Down My Crown (A Dungeon Disaster)
Jesus Has My Socks - and He's not giving 'me back
Do Not Try This At Home: Ten Things You Should Never Say Around a Ouija Board
No, I Do Not Ride A Mule -Dating disasters
If I Don't Look, Will It Go Away?
It Really Wasn't About The Dress - sauerkraut, onion, and Beethoven
A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To The Blog - I should have been a pole dancer
Supper With Daddy - a gift from my father
Remembering 9/11 - where were you?
She Was A Tad Touched In The Head - My granddaughter will now play Swannie River
Gone With The Wind: The Blog Version - Scarlett meets Mimi
A Picture Is Worth A Thousand Screams: Ten Reasons I Should Have Stayed In Bed
I Think I'll Look Good In Black and White Stripes - May I see your license please?
The Year Was 1943: Inscription Of Hope - Peace
Dona Nobis Pacem - One word. Amazing.
All Peace Is Breaking Out ~ In France
Mama's Jail - and a slice of pecan pie
Stealing A Piece Of Time: My Favorite Dates
Best Friends and Walnuts - Trusting my instincts
Maestro Mimi and The Sins of The Soprano Wake up and smell the karma
The Day After Christmas - Bloggingham In Shambles - the castle is robbed
What I Learned About Thieves in The Last 48 Hours - a home is more than a house
Excuse Me, Do You Mind If I Cuss? - You teach me to cuss in your own special way. Now, can somebody teach me to stop?
Note: This is Super Bowl Weekend. I will leave this post up until Monday Mimisms rolls around. Hope you enjoy the game. I'm wondering....how did I cram all that into one year? Going for caffeine.....and cheetos.