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Showing posts with label Adventures. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Adventures. Show all posts

Monday, May 8, 2023

Monday Mimisms ~ Getting Back To Me


         The housing market exploded into doom-for-buyers about the time they settled in. No reasonable rent to be found. No affordable housing on the horizon. 

          They were stuck here with me, Homer, Snickers, squirrels and trees. For the past eighteen months I've had guests in my house; changing jobs, seeking housing, and going with the flow of economic turmoil. The bonus? A delightful 3-year-old who calls me Mimi liberally planted kisses on the mirrors....and on me...every single day.  It's been challenging and wonderful all at once. At times the experience forged our relationships with in-your-face fire, followed by loving transitions of the heart, only to be followed by more fire. All necessary. Part and parcel for three generations under one roof. And probably long overdue.  I'm happy and proud to report they've moved on to a home of their own ... new commitments, new adventures. I still haven't washed the lipstick marks from the mirrors.


Now there are only the ghosts of Bloggingham...
 and me.

While I love them and will miss them, 
I'm rediscovering what it means to be truly finally retired and free.
My life has been on pause for a few years. 
Lately I've been to a couple of lunch meets with old friends and colleagues, bought a new dress for Friday night tip-toeing into a nightclub (if I remember how to walk in heels), found a new Farmer's Market and stocked the freezer with healthy foods. 

And the music?
 UP. LOUD.

Sleeping?
IN

Clothes and shoes?
FLUNG OFF
(did I say that??)

Mostly, I appreciate and value my independence. I don't think I'll take for granted, again, any little thing in my home.  Did I fully appreciate my space before? NO. Did I remember to stop and be grateful for pine cabinets, wood floors, porches and tire swings? Not always. 

I'd almost forgotten what it meant to hear silence.

 I have learned to be thankful for the smallest of things: the forks and spoons I now wash in the quiet of morning, the sound of a perking coffee pot, the sight of birds making new nests under inconvenient eaves and dust...even dust...because I get to do a big spring clean and spruce my home new into what I want it to be just for me again. I feel like I walked into a brand new house.
I need rugs. And lamps. And art on the walls.
I'm throwing out carloads of accumulated junk from attic to basement.
VERY liberating.

 I've lived alone for the past twenty-one years! Having others here for so long was an intense experience for me. I like my own company. I like my own space. I like my own routines. And let's face it, I drive people crazy!!!
(Just ask them!) 
Hush Homer..

Someone said to me the other day during one of our post-pandemic marathon phone calls, 
"You never apologize."
"Excuse me?" popped right out of the snarly mouth of mine. "I don't apologize??"
"You're the most unapologetic person I've ever known," he said. "You don't explain yourself. You're just who you are all the time. I admire that about you.
You don't care what anybody thinks....
I pay attention."

I appreciated the insight but me thinks I need to do some serious tweaking on this codependent thing and learn what boundaries I'm sabotaging for mySELF that causes me pain and stunts my personal growth. Inner Truth time. 

So this time in Act 3 of my life
it feels like starting over
from scratch
like flour and dough-making scratch  
mixing mud in a wild strawberry mud-pie scratch
making love in a cold backseat scratch
moving off to college starting over
scratch
lyrics and crazy chords
out of thin air scratch

staying home 
BEING

88 keys of blank pages
just waiting for me
and my time


That's what musicians do. 
That's what writers do.
That's what I do.
No apologies.



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Monday, May 1, 2023

Monday Mimisms ~ Hemlines and Shoulders

The plan: Band playing. Outdoor music and festival food. Scores of antiques. Hotdogs. A raffle. Socialization. And oh yes....there was rain. Lots of rain.
The much anticipated event cancelled by a thundercloud. 
Spring.Fling.Interrupted

The dress would have to wait.
If you can imagine an off-the-shoulder look....

As luck (unluck) would have it and in perfect (imperfect) timing, Beans came down with some sort of virus (not Covid) and a high fever, so...I couldn't have gone anyway. When I picked him up from school on Friday his fever was 102 degrees. He had to hunker down with me for the weekend in lieu of spreading it to #theheartpatient at his house. A quick wardrobe switch from that new-dress-floozy-feeling to a nurse cap and thermometer bag and I was good to go. Those quick wardrobe changes in opera workshop classes back in the day really pay off from time to time. Poor little guy has been so sick. I'm masking up and staying as clear away from him as I can, spraying Lysol, singing German Lieder to make him fall asleep 

and eyeing that cute little dress hanging in the hallway just begging to be accessorized.

I've decided to wear the dangling Cherokee feather earrings and strappy floppy Clark sandals with a gold petaled fleur atop for comfort and attention. Yes, I said attention. I need some attention. The kind that a new dress can bring. Because it's not really about the way you look in it or how others see you in it...
it's about how it makes you feel. 

And right now I'm feeling pretty darn lucky that I get to spoil this little person who loves and depends on his Mimi AND pretty excited and looking forward to the next sunny weekend full of spring festivals and fun
sans thunderstorms
and flu

That dress makes me happy
Bodaciously clashing with the wallpaper
The hemline hangs short in the front
 longer in the back
symmetrically askew
and that's why I laughed
when the mirror said "It's you!"


Gute Nacht




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Monday, March 20, 2023

Monday Mimisms ~ Omega 3 Omega Me

My study perch

I woke up this morning feeling very clear-headed and centered. 
Happy. Calm. Healthy. 
Change your diet. Change your life.
Change WHEN you eat and HOW you eat
might just reverse your diabetes. 

I'm on a new path of nutrition and healing. My glucose needed a good kick in the pants and out of my body for good...so....I took a deep dive into how my body actually works; binge-watching youtube videos by cardiologists and endocrinologists, kidney specialists and nutritionists. I had to weed through the quacko-pretend doctors first (!) but it was entertaining and enlightening.  The subject of lipopolysacchirides was intriguing. Did you know that there are fluffy LDL particles and small dense LDL particles? I never knew.  You want the big, fluffy kind (think snowflakes) not the little ones that wreak havoc on those pesky cholesterol numbers. 

And why do I think dietary changes will improve my diabetes even more? 
Precisely because I can tell you from my experience that quitting CAFFEINE reversed my hypertension. I replaced coffee with French chicory root coffee. It's a natural diuretic.

No more high blood pressure. This morning's reading was 118/77 and has been consistently so for many months. Such a simple change made a huge difference in my life. More importantly, NO pills, NO side effects, NO caffeine jitters. In fact, it helps with sleep as well.

Then I put my Milani knee-high combat boots on!
I am NOT playing. All business. 
 I am not one to blindly follow the status quo.
 Knowledge is power.
 I hunkered down.
I focused.

I'm on the first week of intermittent fasting and major dietary changes; only allowing myself an 8-hour window to eat and then nothing but water, chicory, or tea for the rest of the night. Rinse. Repeat. Since removing insulin some time ago, I've felt better overall, lost weight (I stay out of strong winds) and have had good-to-moderately-OK control on no medications with periods of perfect control and low blood sugar. In each season of your life your body changes.
 Diabetes, too, is always changing. 

THIS recent uptick in numbers is totally my fault. I really thought I could eat ...oh say...a bowl of popCORN at night? Seriously, Mimi? 

My diabetes started nine years ago just past the middle of my life.  As you learn to live with it, your body has to adjust to all kinds of new medicine chemicals and protocols and habits (finger-sticking yuck). Shots were not fun. Then I learned I had hyperinsulemia. Who needs that??! The shots had to go. 

Doctors hate patients like me. I'm allergic to everything (literally)..in particular, three classes of diabetes' drugs, two insulins, and most every antibiotic known to man. It's not that I'm opposed to medication, it's that it most always makes me sicker. And I'm just stubborn enough - and annoying enough - to ask 40 trillion questions at every single appointment.
 I want to control it myself because I have to control it myself.

That reminds me...Did you know there are 40 trillion bacteria in your gut?!
This microbiome is incredibly important for your overall health.
Aren't they pretty?
and critical to metabolic health

My struggle is nighttime snacking. I "think" I'm hungry when, in fact, it's emotional eating. I'm not eating past 7:00 pm now and it's totally reducing the morning basal reading which is EVERYTHING. 

When you start out low, you have somewhere to go! 
When you start out high, you might actually die!
Yes, I have an old-fashioned
telephone!

That is my motto from experience. 
Today I made an appointment with a nutritionist/dietician to help me navigate these waters and will have a virtual visit with an internist tomorrow. 

I'm currently researching Omega 3s & 6s. I learned recently that you're not supposed to overheat olive oil and cook with it but it's OK to put in your salads. What??! I do that every.single.day. I'll ask the doctor. 





Meanwhile...there's a real live Princess in the castle.
I'm a little distracted by all the wand-waving. I bowed and asked her name.

"I'm Elsa," she seriously declared, then wafted back down the stairs to re-accessorize.
 Her braid fell off. It was tragic. 

She told me her wand is "magic"
Somehow, I believe her. 



Back to studying. 
I hope you all are healthy and happy.

P.S. I am not a doctor. Consult yours before embarking on major changes. 
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Monday, August 8, 2022

The Single Woman's Staircase ~ Monday Mimisms

Once upon a time in a land faraway, I moved out of Bloggingham and into a tiny one-bedroom apartment on the second floor. Divorce. The dreary building was gray. With lots of concrete. I so hate concrete.  No elevators. Just creaky stairs and unlit corners.     At least the back deck looked out onto a patch of woods and sometimes I could pretend I was still home in the forest. And I didn't have to clean two stories and take care of dust mites in the dandelions. At least for awhile...
                                              
A beginning teacher's salary was not going to pay the bills. I was sad to discover through the years that any teacher's salary is not nearly enough. But that's another story for another day.   
              
After having some luck online selling WWII ephemera and postcards, I decided to try porcelain. My grandmother's beautiful table-setting ways ran through my blood. She adorned her simple table in that tiny tiny kitchen with love and beautiful dishes, even for mundane Monday lunches. She had no idea what she was teaching me. 

Or did she?

But back to the land of porcelain poverty...

I needed to make money. Inspired by my grandmother's pottery flair, I went to a huge china sale and bought several hundred pieces of antique and vintage china for $300.00. That was a big expense for me at the time. From the trunk of my car I carried boxes and boxes of tiny teacups and saucers  up the single woman's staircase and sorted them out on the floor. I researched comps and history and patterns. I took photographs with a small Kodak camera and learned to edit. That inventory investment netted several thousand dollars and kept me afloat while I transitioned to life as a single woman who would have to support herself. I hadn't been single since I was eighteen-years-old.
It also taught me that I could do what I had to do. 
That was twenty years ago.

not me...but close
Teaching by day and side-hustling china by night, kept me out of trouble but exhausted; jumping through academic hoops to earn tenure and writing endless lesson plans at night, grading papers (I had 249 students), then sitting on the floor wrapping reams of bubble-wrap around tiny little delicate dishes and shipping them all over the world. Rinse. Repeat.   Strangely enough, through the first few months of that leaving, I was remarkably happy way down on the inside, even though I remember crying myself to sleep at night too. Divorce will do that to a person - even if you are the one wanting to end the marriage. It's still grief. I had been married for a very long time.  I felt strong and weary at the same time, if that makes sense.
  It took me some time to get back to Bloggingham Forest (which wasn't even "Bloggingham" until 2006). Concrete became trees again and life finally settled down. I was back to mowing dandelions, serial dating, and dusting the dungeon.  One of my boyfriends at the time called it "Our Grotto"...oh, those were the days. 
But I digress.
I wonder what happened to him...

A couple of years ago, just before the pandemic rolled in, I started re-selling again. China, not boyfriends. I had leftover dinnerware that needed moving. The first day back online I sold an Aynsley England Rosedale teacup and saucer for $150.00 that I'd paid less than five dollars for. Eureka! Ummm....you might say I was inspired. 



Steubenville porcelain in my store
Mid-Century Modern



Aynsley Rosedale
During my recent COVID recuperation, I binge-watched EBAY resellers' videos and took notes. So much has changed in the world of retail and online business. There's Mercari and Poshmark too!  But I can do this. I know I can. It will take a giant sweep of organization and cleaning in the basement grotto, but I'm feeling better now and besides, I've been on this floor before. 
Life, indeed, is cyclical. 

Sitting here tonight looking at bubble wrap and boxes on the floor and Ebay in my tabs window, facing another stretch of exciting unpredictable singlehood, I feel a little bit like climbing those stairs again. Not the dismal ones that led a tired teacher to a lonely parking lot, but the ones that lead from my very own underground grotto - whose walls shall never speak a word -  to the woman who lives upstairs, still fighting dragons on her own and punching words in the air to see if they'll land in a place she can love. I'm remembering the feel of bubbles on my skin, pennies in my pocket, and the warmth of a strong and saucy man who loved to light candles and kiss me in the dark. Balancing....me....balancing him....swaying and laughing...silk on slippery stairs. Have you ever been carried in arms that would not let you fall? 

 That's the thing about words and porcelain - as surely as fine bone china is forged with fire, so are words formed with love. And if they are flung with the strongest of care, not a one of them will shatter into pieces weighty enough to break something valuable and true. 

And if, by chance, you see a cup marked "Aynsley England" 
I have just three words for you -
Pick.It.Up.
 

Photos: Mimi Lenox and Pixabay's bubblewrap woman

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Monday, June 27, 2022

Monday Mimisms ~ Meltdown at the Meetup

 I had a meltdown
At a Meetup

It was not a good look.
And yet I managed it gracefully with no mascara running or awkward blushing moments. Apart from a few non-starter dates in the past few months (several fun  virtual dates, phone calls, first dates, and second dates that went NOWHERE except me getting the heck out of Dodge, so to speak....although he was driving a pickup truck (not a Dodge, and no, I was not in it) ... but I digress. 

Apart from that first flurry of frustrating activity, I haven't wanted to go out much. Part of it is that I have family living with me temporarily (because the housing market is INSANE)...which makes a social life very awkward; but mostly, and truthfully
.....I was trying to force myself back into dating too soon. 
It was a valiant effort. But I realized I just wasn't ready.  

 That's not fair to anyone new. What kind of vibe was I giving?  When you're still carrying dust from the last situationship, it shows.... no matter how you try to hide it. Self-sabotage, albeit unintentional. 
"Can I take you to dinner? I would love to take you to dinner," he sincerely and sweetly asked.
  I was not paying attention. Not fully. While I nodded politely, thinking I was absorbing his energy, I was really just projecting my own emotional unreadiness.  On another date, pickup-truck guy said some pretty wild things that irritated me. But much later. Again. NOT paying attention until I got home and said  OH My GOD, did he just really say that??!! Maybe he's a serial killer. Quick text. No thank you. We're not a match...so to speak. Good luck. Bye. 

 
See how I ramble when I'm melting?
And so was my ice cream.

Back to the meetup. At the park.
Listen, my Bloggy People, it is way past time to meet new people. Real people. Flesh and bone people. Not just a photo-shopped picture on a computer screen that is twenty years older than the actual gray hairs on the actual real person I'm looking at. And that's OK! I'm not dating younger men (well, not much younger I really need to hush before I get in trouble   All God's children in this decade of life are gonna have scars and wrinkles.  It was a lovely venue. The river. Nature. Picnic tables. . An outdoor ice cream event with music and mingling.  It was so.much.fun! Until I realized I was having fun. 
Does that make sense? 

And that's exactly when the meltdown at the meetup happened.
One minute I was pretending to slowly spoon frozen yogurt ('cause you all know I can't really eat ice cream) hoping someone would notice my manicure
and the next I looked around and well......froze. 

 What is wrong with me??!! I'm going about this allll wrong. 
I don't think I want to date! At all.
But I do need a new male friend. And he needs to be smart. And funny. And sexy. And into me. And all about having fun. A really good kisser.  Reading and talking politics with me on the couch. KIND. Did I mention kind? He needs to read Thoreau and understand Mahler. I want him to kiss me in the middle of a sentence. It's the only way to make me stop talking. Can he spontaneously dance with me in a completely inappropriate place? That would be mandatory.  Irreverent. But steady and deep. And NOT looking for anything that defines a relationship. 
In fact, I will make a decree and ban the word relationship

 Rewind back to Inauguration Day 2009. 
2009 Mimi
I was outside in my white hat and gloves when a little birdie told me (really) that I should wait for a man like this -

It came from a male bird. I thought it was perfect advice. He whispered in my ear...

"Find someone who calls you beautiful instead of hot.
Who calls you back when you hang up on them
Who will stay awake just to watch you sleep
Wait for someone who kisses your forehead

Who wants to show you off to the world even when you may not look your best.

Who holds your hand in front of his friends

Wait for the one who turns to his friends and says, ...that's her."


I haven't been sitting on my hands "waiting" for the last thirteen years - there have been men and relationships. And I am thankful for all they brought to my life. What the birdie told me in 2009 might be too romantic. It might even belong on a Hallmark card. But it's still true. And it's still how I want to feel. 
It has nothing to do with being IN a relationship.
It just feels good. 
And I think that's enough.

Fast-forward to a meetup at a river. It was hot. It was beautiful. It was...it was...just the kind of thing that happens when you least expect it to happen.
There I stood in all all my frozenness, staring at a very familiar gentleman, the one who'd asked me to dinner - talking to another woman. About that time a red cardinal flew straight towards me and sat on the fence right in front of me, whispering sweet-nothings in my ear that fell like gold into the heart of me and my dripping cup of yogurt. 
  Pay attention, Mimi!  
Pay attention! 

I wonder if he likes Mahler.




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Monday, June 20, 2022

Monday Mimisms ~ I Need a New DustPan

Now that the post-pandemic dust is settling in my life, I think I need a new dustpan! I've swept up so much that it's full and overflowing. Trouble is...I don't believe in sweeping things under the rug. The old proverb dates back to the mid-nineteenth century and refers to unpleasant or damaging things being hidden in secret and not seen again. Concealment. That can't be healthy, right?  I'd rather bring all the dirt to light; look at it, sit with it a molten minute and then bless it on its way. Pucker and blow. Poof! All of life's circumstances hold tribulation and joy; the strength of those emotions made stronger by the contrast of the other. The deeper you love, perhaps the deeper you grieve.  My life has been gathering dust in places I'd rather keep pristine - my heart, my body, my sanctuaries. 
Maybe I should stand in a fierce cleansing rainstorm. 

I had a dream the other night.
 My former companion and I were walking through an empty house. We each held a straw broom.

We walked together and aimed the end of the brooms toward the corners of ceilings, searching, swiping, smiling and laughing as we went.  Cleaning and sweeping cobwebs until they were all removed from the entire house. Room by secret-clad room. 

Sometimes it felt like we were cleaning up a crime scene (oh, if those walls could talk) and the next minute we were lovingly taking care of the space we'd shared with tender swabs and tears. It was cathartic. Curtains fell down. Oops. Rods clanged on the wood floor. Finials were finished.  Particles of us floated roughshod in spirals of history through the translucent smell of fresh new paint, covering us with all that was good and all that was still unfolding. 
It felt like a Celtic love ritual. Remind me to tell you that strange (real) story someday...

We swept. We laughed. We found cobwebs we didn't know existed between us before. Those needed a better strategy. Four hands on one broom handle, SWIPE. 

And then I saw amidst all the tender destruction, a new thing. Ah, a fresh view. Fresh air. Fresh paint. New rooms. New space. New smatterings of painted words. We caught the letters on our tongues like snowflakes, rearranging them into wholly unsmoked words.  It felt good. And necessary. It felt like revolution and resolution in one fell swoop. Afterwards, we were exhausted. And strangely...strangely...content.

The thing I've noticed about relationship endings? I can never just sweep it under the rug. Dust flies. It settles elsewhere. If you don't deal with it there's always just more dismantling to do in the next house you share. You don't necessarily have to shake things up differently for future relationship incarnations just because some heavy duty damaging dust mites hit your curly head in the previous one - but you do have to own it wherever you go.  
It will find you.


After all, don't you know that you've been carrying dust around on the inside of you for billions of years? We weren't knocking down unholy catastrophes (well, there was that one time when we thought we saw a mouse in the house and I screamed 'til I broke his hearing but it was just a pile of leaves)......instead, we were boldly rearranging our molecules. 
Now that's a different farewell, you see....

I like mandalas. They establish sacred spaces. If you stare long enough, they will help you establish you. They also remind me of cobwebs. And cocoons. And safety....  They focus your attention on all parts of your very own personal universe. They don't let you miss one small fraction of your life without inspecting it thoroughly.....if you're paying attention...if you're letting go of resistance....if you're fully alove......oh, I meant alive....or did I?
I like it.  Alove. 

mandala

Maybe you think your past is a misstep. But don't miss the step. It's dust mite gold. It's evolution. It's growth on a cellular level. We are made of stardust. It inhabits our DNA. It forges through our fragile veins like a river alove (did you catch that?)...

And when the dust settles, if you let it fall where it wants to, what you have is a more beautiful YOU. And what you gathered...will remain. 

I don't need no stinkin' dustpan after all.





*oops. Dustpan should be ONE word. Can't change title. Photos Pixabay*
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