Saturday, November 7, 2009

Dona Nobis Pacem ~ BlogBlast For Peace 2009 (The Bargain)

Continue the journey with me.
Join us for BlogBlast For Peace Nov 4, 2012
 #blog4peace #peace


Now on with what happened during the 2009 launch...

What an amazing couple of days. You are inspiring! There are thousands of peace globes floating in the atmosphere on blogs, on Facebook, on Twitter. While the discussions have been full of peace and hope, they have also turned to the tragedy at Fort Hood, which ironically happened on BlogBlast For Peace day. Convictions shifted, writing became more intense, personally relevant, and even more full of the compassion. In the face of this and other atrocities, we still blog peace.

I will read each and every one of your posts and document the globes in the Peace Globe Gallery as I go. I've seen some incredible offerings! Please take the time this weekend to visit each other. Note that there are two Mr. Linky lists. The one you see below and the one on the original page here. Between them as of this morning there are 408 signatures but I am finding many many more through Google Alerts and on Facebook who did not sign in. I will add their names to the lists as I go and consolidate them. I believe the best part of BlogBlast is the sense of community and sharing during BlogBlast time. Enjoy them. Learn from each other. Make a new friend in a different country. Walk in the peace vibe through their eyes. You'll be astonished by the perspective you'll gain. I will see you in a little while to report new findings. Thank you all for participating, for offering your words that MATTER, for sending me personal condolences and love as well. I will never forget it.
Have a wonderful day! I will talk to you soon.


The Bargain

Once in a blue moon I am speechless.
And this day, of all days, I need to find words.
One week ago today I buried my father.
Had you been in my home fifteen minutes ago you would have seen a very different Mimi than the one you might have imagined. You know...the one who writes glowing sonnets tripping over a moonbeam of golden light in the middle of La-La land while dangling in a skirt and perfectly manicured nails - and let's not forget the feathered pen on golden threaded linen. Thoreau-ish? Not today.
Well, the nails are right. The rest? Not so much.

How, I asked the Universal Powers That Be, can I be expected to spout forth inspirational puff and fluff when all I want to do is rail against the indignity of the past five weeks. And loudly, I might add.

I am angry.
I am tired.
I am tired of being angry.
I am tired of being sick.
I am sick of goodbyes.



You see, when he was a living breathing roller coaster of complicated medical terminology, I could eek out a measure of hope. At least he was still breathing. Sometimes. I could imagine another day, another month, even another year at times...on the good days. Reality didn't pan out the way I wanted. Comas don't lie. No faith healer showed up. The best medicine in the world couldn't save him. I couldn't take away his pain nor could I erase what my eyes saw in that god-forsaken bed of hell he lay upon for thirty-two days and thirty-two nights after years of spiraling in and out of survivable mode. And now what do we have?

Reality.

I hate it.

The truth is, sometimes life is beyond difficult - it is overwhelming. It is energy-depleting. It is raw. Watching someone die agonizing slow is not pretty. The memories are not pretty. And no matter how hard I try to fashion a tale of peaceful prose this full-moon night in the South, I can't.


So I stood in my house and let fly out of my mouth what I really wanted to write in this post complete with words a Queen shouldn't say and an entire upside down string section of sorrow...that I am exhausted and resentful. That I don't want to write a War and Peace novella on this blog for peace day. That I am human. That I am overwhelmed. That I miss my daddy. That I can't stand the thought of him lying in a box of dirt. That I wish I could have done more to ease his suffering. How inadequate I felt at times. How mortal.

And then I remembered what the preacher said.
It was a graveside service. The violin had just played "Amazing Grace" I followed the trail of a spider along the vault mechanism and marvelled as a butterfly landed right in front of me on top of Daddy's casket flowers- all personal signs to me of graces and gratitude I needed to remember.

He told a story I'd never heard before about my father. One day while visiting Daddy for one of those are-you-right-with-God-discussions, the preacher asked a favor of him. You see, the pastor had lost his son in an accident just a year ago. With a shake in his voice standing under the green tent in the middle of a stone field full of my kin, he retold this conversation with my Dad. "Could I ask a favor of you, Walter? When you get to Heaven, I want you to promise me that you will look up my son. And then I want you to ask him to take you on a tour of Heaven. But when you do, be prepared, because he will take you on a tour like you've never experienced before. He's quite a character. I think the two of you would get along and it would mean a lot to me.
Let him show you around. Will you do that for me?"

Daddy smiled and agreed.
They struck a bargain.

He said he'd never before or since felt inspired to ask anybody else to do that for him. After the service I reassured him he'd made the right choice. "That's a safe bet," I told him. "Daddy will keep his word."



Then he picked up a handful of dirt from the ground at his feet and laid it squarely at the head of my father's pine box coffin. It wasn't a pretty moment for me.


My emotions raged. Inside the core of that damn box lay someone I loved and I couldn't touch him or smell him or get to him again...oh but I could see the dirt fly up under his cleats and the spit in his eye darting cross the shortstop line one more time. Rounding third base and digging in home base dirt with a powerful unassuming charge as if to say "My work is done. Your turn." A flock of birds flew over and I knew he was making his flight towards home, seeing new sights, wondering at the design of the Universe..and yes, I knew the pastor's young son would be waiting to escort the aged ballplayer laughing through the park on a firefly night full of stars.





And even as I remembered the nights he would scoop me up in his arms and carry my sleepy dusty self off the bleachers and to the car, the preacher kept talking about dirt. He said he wondered when my dad was playing baseball all those years, if he ever thought of the symbolism in the dust he kicked up and played in.....If he ever realized the evolution of Earth and sod and life and death returning to Earth. The cycle of resurrection and renewal.


When I saw him lay the handful of Earth on the box - it was right.

It was so right.





There is a place between two worlds I've heard of. Some say it is Holy.


I stood in that sacred space last week. I saw redemption and grace in a split second of time when one breath ended and another began. I am here as a witness to tell you it is full of Spirit.
Full of energy.
Full of peace.



In this life on the planet we share and walk around on, there is the world of peace and the world of war. The world of grace and the world of strife. The world of forgiveness and the world of unrest. Some live their entire lives with one foot in each space.


But I don't believe that is how it should be.


Daddy taught me to keep one foot on the base if I wanted to stay safe on a steal and to run like the wind in a split second of decision at the sound of his voice. When I told him on the day he died that is was OK for him to go....he took that safe-stealing foot and flew home. Just like that. At the sound of my voice. And just like his base-stealing eye always had my best interests in sight, so did my pigtailed pencil skirt heart feel him go.
I wanted to love him all the way home. I wanted to stand and cheer. I wanted to make his journey safe with both feet off the base so that he could fly into joy.

Sometimes peace comes kicking and screaming....as it did for me tonight... as it did for my dad in his final days. I am still struggling with the memory of those days. Sometimes the way to peace is not easy. But that doesn't diminish the promise. Nor should it delay the reality if we can help it. Even when peace comes knocking at the door all ugly and ragged and worn out - it's still full of hope.


Today on this blog and many many other places on the Internet, out of the living breathing earth rose a cry that somewhere....somehow....someday...there will be peace.
So today let us speak Dona Nobis Pacem in large loud numbers.
It is documented.
It is promised.
It is recorded.
When even one voice stands up to be counted among the peacemakers of the world, there is hope.
We all live on the same ball of dirt.



I'd forgotten about it, this photograph, from a few weeks ago at my father's bedside.
One thing is perfectly clear:
It wasn't I who covered you, Daddy.
It was you who covered me.

There is a profound difference in
standing for peace


and standing in peace.







**NOTE** Hundreds of Bloggers are signing HERE too. Please do the same so that you don't miss any posts. Amazing day.

MORE LINKS HERE! Don't miss them. The posts are awesome!

79 comments:

Teri and the cats of Furrydance said...

Peace comes to us in different ways, but it is always hope...your heartfelt post for today will stay forever in my heart

storyteller said...

Reading your words reminds me of the loss of my own father 35 years ago ... followed by the loss of my mom and marriage 20 years ago and my brother 12 years ago. My heart goes out to you and yours in this time of sorrow. Anger, pain, and a host of other feelings pass away ... loving memories remain.
Hugs and blessings,
Happily Retired Gal

jennifer said...

Peace comes with tears tonight Mimi. Beautiful.

Desert Songbird said...

Aw, Mimi, I just....

You know...

Julie said...

It's a cleansing cry isn't it Mimi? The voices of "permission"...the urging of daddy to daughter and then from daughter to daddy.

....and the peacefulness you have in your heart because you know.

I love you Mimi.....for so many reasons.

Travis said...

I told you so.

Babs-beetle said...

I remember all the same feelings when I lost my mother. Thankfully time does see all the bad feelings replaced by loving memories. Our consolation is that the loved ones we have lost have found their peace.

Speedcat Hollydale said...

My dear sweet friend ...

You have the amazing ability to put into words the emotions and feelings in your heart. I am not overly emotional, but here I share your tears, your pain, your journey to acceptance. You must have the proudest father Mimi. I realize that we all have different faiths, but I believe that life on Earth is the begining of our journey. The first stepping stone on a very long path. Best of all, that path does not end.

Peace has so many meanings, doesn't it?

Peace in our hearts is powerful. It is contagious. It flows outward.

Someday, we will all arrive at ultimate peace. Shed our coats that have been soiled by turbulance and pain. I have a rejuvinated passion for the peace movement this year. It has been a year of soul searching for me. I have realized that I cannot change the course of the world, yet I can guide my own. I have warmth in my heart that will not and cannot be taken away. I see things just a bit differently. I am eager to join others with the same, and extend my hand to everyone ... even those that hate me.
I think that is what emboddies this movement and this day. In darkness, a bright light flows from all corners of the globe. I like that.

1000 hugs from a guy named Eric in Minnesota - to Mimi, and to everyone

Jane said...

Mimi, as I sit here, tears streaming, across the miles in Australia, I wish you peace in your heart and mine too. 9 years my mother died and Amazing Grace was also part of her death.
The tears are streaming.
For I have lost two family members as well this year.
I haven't done a blog blast picture for peace for this year. I just couldn't do it.
I don't feel peaceful. I feel stressed , upset and angry at the world for all the horrible things that they do to each other.
I'm tired of people taking others lives, of hurting people.
Im tired of bad things happening to good people and good things happening to bad people.

But I did have something to say today

http://adoptedjane.blogspot.com/2009/11/dona-nobis-pacem.html

(((((((hugs and peace to you Mimi))))))

Daisy said...

Mimi, my father passed away four years ago. I miss him, but I know he has found peace. Your post came from the heart in a way that will touch all that read it. Wishing you peace.

Dawn (Twisted Sister) said...

You did him proud.
You wrote it well.
You wrote it real.
Just like I knew you would...

I'm glad I am living on the same ball of dirt as you :)

Finding Pam said...

You are so blessed that you had such a wonderful man as your father to love you.

I pray that your thoughts will be replaced with only the best memories of him.

Beautifully well written.

Thank you Mimi for all you do for Peace. You honor you father tonight with your post.

Peace and love,
Pam

Raven said...

The eloquent truth of the heart... I know you have brought peace to the hearts of others who struggle with the same kind of pain. I'm sorry for your loss but glad for you that you had that kind of love and bond with your father. I know he is with you still.

Peace be with you... even in your pain and loss.

Bond said...

The words came and they were the truth

You nailed it with this one Mimi...

Now enjoy the results

HUGS and Love

JohnH985 said...

I feel your pain, it's coming up on three years since my Dad passed and there's not a day that goes by that I don't think of him. Peace.

Carletta said...

Mimi,
I think with this writing you have found some peace with your fathers death. I hope so. May you find solace in the memories.
You write so eloquently and your words left me in tears.
I am very proud to be a part of Blogppast for Peace and share my spot on this 'ball of dirt' with you.

Anndi said...

My Queen,

From his hand to yours flowed love and strength... He left you with his Peace and you carry on his grace.

Life goes on... we take up what was started by those who came before us.

SQUEEZE

Adelle Laudan said...

Thank you for sharing your heart with us. I wish you Miles of Smiles and Peace to you and yours.

thepoetryman said...

Sharing such things is what peace is all about...

I just left my link.

Peace...

Kimmie said...

Beautiful and heartfelt. Thank You for sharing such a touching story with us.

Peace and Love to you Mimi.

Debra said...

Lord bless and comfort you with His presence and peace.

ndpthepoetress - Jeane Michelle Culp said...

Thank You for all you do for Peace!

Elizabeth Mahlou said...

What a hear-tugging post. May you find peace in the passage of time and the mercy of God.

Carver said...

Mimi I am very touched by your heart felt, honest, and inspiring post. Dona Nobis Pacem, Carver

PS Anger is healthy and I am glad you allow yourslef to be angry. A very wise person (my dearly departed mother to be exact)once told me the depression is often repressed anger. That helped me.

secret agent woman said...

I'm so sorry about your father. Peace to you on this day.

Nessa said...

Such a powerful and beautiful post. I am so sorry for your loss and wish you peace.

Dona Nobis Pacem & Thursday Thirteen

Tarheel Rambler said...

I stand in awe of your ability to express so clearly what your heart is feeling. I relate to this on so many levels, and yet my expression of similar thoughts and feelings seems so cold in comparison to this.

I am proud to be a part of Blogblast for Peace again, Mimi. I am even more proud to call you my friend.

Jamie said...

Dearest Mimi, You express so well that rage against the universe that the who we love can not always stay forever present in our daily lives, that we have to let go and hating the letting go even though it is part of the natural order. The depth of the pain is the clearest sign of the depth of the love and the depth of the loss.

Your daddy was a remarkable man with a remarkable full life. Mourn his absence as a tribute to his presence and on today of all days, may you have peace.

Sarge Charlie said...

thank you for sharing this peaceful day

Sanni said...

.

[Our hearts go out to you and your family. Love you!]

Amias said...

This is my first year participating, and I think it's a wonderful idea. Any time we can put out some positive energy into such a negative world, it's worthwhile.

Peace to you and yours!

julie said...

Awww, Mimi, virtual hugs to you as I am crying while reading your post.

I will honestly say that I have not been through what you are going through right now but I can feel your pain and sorrow. Like you, I have hope and I am hopeful.

Be well and know that you are in our thoughts and prayers.

Laila and Minchie said...

I lost my father 25 years ago this month. What a beautiful post you wrote today about yours. You will always feel his presence just as I do mine. We wish you peace.

(((HUGS)))

Border Explorer said...

A powerful legacy of peace here. Thank you for sharing with all of us something so personal, so close, so important. I'm sorry for your loss. I rejoice in the gift of life you received from your father. Peace to you, Mimi.

Lisa said...

Such a beautiful tribute, Mimi. I won't forget it any time soon. Much love and peace to you.

ettarose said...

What a wonderful way you have shared yourself. I wish for peace in your life Mimi. I am proud for what you strive to do. Your daddy I am sure was so very proud of you. In fact he still is.

arachnerd said...

Thank you for your beautiful words. You don't know how much they meant to me this morning.

Ferd said...

Thank you for sharing these very painful and profound moments in your life. You wrote a great tribute to your dad.
And thank you for the example of how we should take care of each other when a loved one is dying.

Today and all days,
Peace!

Julia Smith said...

I'm in tears, I'm at work and I don't care if people see.

Such an eloquent photo of your hands holding, Mimi.

A magnificent post today.

Two animal totems spoke to you as you listened to your father's graveside service.

Spider was there to remind you that Grandmother weaves her patterned Web of Life with postive space (threads) and negative space (between the threads) and that each part is required in order for the Web of Life to exist.

Butterfly was there as a messenger of transformation. Butterfly can only become Butterfly after it has been a caterpillar and then a cocoon. The other caterpillars may look for their absent friend, but the butterflies rejoice in their new companion. As do we who gasp in delight as one flutters by.

Peace to you on this magnificent day, Mimi.

Marilyn said...

At a time in your life when I wouldn't be able to rub two words together, you put together your most eloquent of your always eloquent peace posts.

You are awesome.

Xmichra said...

**CRIES***

Mimi, that post was beautiful... but that last picture broke me completely. It is just..... so perfect.

I hope for you today Mimi. You don't need to hope today... we can do it for you, and cover you. (((hugs from far far away)))

Charles Gramlich said...

Very lovely and lovingly said. Peace.

maryt/theteach said...

I hold you and your Dad in my heart Mimi on this day of Peace! :)

OBLadyBug said...

Bless you Mimi on this very special day. What a beautiful tribute to your father. Peace to you and yours.
**Hugs**

Mojo said...

Nobody writes peace like you do Mimi. Nobody.

I hope you get some of that peace that you try so hard to give to the rest of us.

Much love girl.

jmb said...

Ah Mimi, a big hug for you on this very special day for you.

Peace be with you and with us all, sooner rather than later

Author said...

Love and Peace to you Mimi. My own father died of cancer in January 2006 ~ so I could really relate to your beautiful post. It's the hardest thing in the world losing someone you love.
Stay strong, take care.

Patti said...

Dear Mimi,
Your writing is wonderful. You know just how to put emotions into words. That is a gift.

This is a beautiful post, not only about peace and your beloved father, but about the circle of life of which we are all a part.

Thanks for sharing yourself in your painful journey toward peace. It is inspiring to so many of us.
Peace to you.

Debra James Percival said...

Hugs Mimi,
Give yourself some time, it still hurts but the good memories are wonderful to visit.

catsynth said...

That was a beautiful and moving tribute. Wishing you peace in all its myriad ways, and our sympathies for your loss.

Ivanhoe said...

I'm so sorry to hear about your dad, Mimi. I'm sure he found your pastor's son and is enjoying the tour.
May your blogblast be another success.
Love & hugs,
I.

Empress Bee (of the High Sea) said...

a beautiful post mimi.

hugs, bee
xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Daisy said...

Your post really moved me. I wish for peace to the world, and peace in your heart. This day is always so inspiring to me, as I go around the blogosphere and see all the beautiful posts. Thank you for making it happen, even during this difficult time.

glogirly said...

Just beautiful, Mimi.
Reading your words brought me back to the loss of my own dad. The pain of loss will always be there, but the power of his joy is so much greater.
Peace to you, Mimi.

ciara said...

lovely post, mimi~i'm sorry i'm a bit late to the BlogBlast, but I have it up, and you're welcome to just save the image of my blog. i will try to send it in an email soon...school has been keeping occupied. love, peace, and understanding to you xoxo

ciara

thepeartreeblog said...

I'm almost crying. That's a beautiful post, Mimi. I think you chose the best way to pay homage to your father, in a day like today.

Claudia

jennifer said...

It is 12:15 and there are 88 links on the Linky. WOW Mimi!

I've read in some blog posts and in comments, people discussing how amazing this post is.

And it truly is amazing.

barb said...

Beautifully written, Mimi. Your Daddy is so proud of you. I just know it.

One voice. One heart. One prayer. Peace xo

mark's tails said...

Peace to you Mimi, I lost my father just over a year ago and not a day passes that I haven't thought of him. Time makes the pain and anger a little less but it does not fade the memories.

Akelamalu said...

Your Daddy has found Perfect Peace Mimi and will be working tirelessly to make sure those of us still here will find it too. You are doing a wonderful job and he will be so proud of you.


Peace to you m'dear. xxxx

A. @ A Changing Life said...

Over a year ago my mother died. I was never able to express myself as eloquently as you have. Peace to you, your father and the world.

Jean-Luc Picard said...

Wonderfully written. your words will touch a lot of people who have undergone a similar experience.

SjP said...

Such touching and beautiful words for your Father.

Felicitas said...

Mimi, I hope that knowing you have so many supporters here, and that you have made something really wonderful happen here today, helps you also "stand in peace".

Mickey,Georgia , Tillie said...

Hugs & peace to you.
Those of us that have had loss undestand your feelings .This was a lovely post!! Thank you.

JackiesMagic said...

Lord, make me an instrument your peace...
Where there is hatred, let me sow love.
Where there is injury, pardon
Where there is doubt, faith
Where there is despair, hope
Darkness, light
Sadness, joy...

msladydeborah said...

What a beautiful commentary Mimi!

May an abundance of peace shower down on you!

Karen Jo said...

You expressed yourself very eloquently, Mimi. I lost my father 14 years ago and my mother a month ago, so I understand what you are feeling. The bad fades and the joy gets stronger. Peace to you.

Conartisse said...

Dear Mimi,

I found you because of Jennifer (dust bunny hostage).

Two weeks ago today they buried my father. Thirty-six hundred miles away. Crying out my name with his last breath, because I was not there.

Needless to say, deep sympathy and empathy with you, and emotions too much for words. It brings me to my knees, in surrender. Perhaps this is the gift, I so need surrender, to what-is, to the great mystery, to love. My small ego keeps trying to take back what is not its, but God's, to whom we beg to "give us peace."

My father, a rage-aholic, taught me rage. My father, a lover who loved and forgave, taught me forgiveness. Forgive as quickly as possible, no matter who, no matter what. Now there is nothing and no one to forgive --except myself.

Thank you for your wonderful and important peace post, and for sharing.

Constance

Ann Tracy said...

Mimi... I'm so sorry to hear that your dad has passedf... I understand your pain, my mother passedf about 5 yrs go... it's tough. but be assured they are both at peace now...
xoxox
Ann

Nevine said...

A beautiful and honest expression of love to a father who is probably looking down upon you and smiling. I found you through Amias's blog. I'll be coming back... if you don't mind.

Nevine

katherine. said...

ohh Mimi...

I will come back and read all the other comments...

the picture of your Daddy holding your hand is simply perfect. It brings a teary smile and I know that tonight he is very Very proud of his girl.

sending you love and...peace

Lois Grebowski said...

a lesson I learned a week before my father's death...

http://lowdownfromlois.blogspot.com/2007/11/last-nights-lesson.html

hugs and love, Mimi, hugs and love...

Barbara H. said...

I'm so sorry for your loss. My mom passed away almost three years ago. The ravaging pain is now an ache and not 24/7, but I will always miss her. I will pray for peace for you in a special way.

Carol said...

Tears...

So beautiful. Thank you for sharing this experience and your beautiful heart.

It's all so amazing...

Much peace and love to you.

Michelle said...

(((Mimi)))

What a beautiful tribute to your dad. I'm sorry I'm a day late. Yesterday was a horrible day and I just was not in the mood to read Peace blogs. It ended ok and I did enjoy reading my replies last night, but that was all I felt up to and I only had a personal "bad day", not a deeply personal death to contend with.

Love to you XX

Mama Zen said...

Beautiful. Absolutely beautiful.

Sunny Dreamer said...

Mimi, thank you so much for this opportunity. I really enjoyed taking part in a day of peace. I'm so sorry to hear about your father, and my thoughts are with you...

Peace.

Mimi Lenox said...

Thank you so much for your kind words of condolence and love. I am realizing just how much my Internet family means to me.

I am slowly going through your posts, reading them carefully and enjoying your peace globes. You did an awesome job!

I appreciate each and every one of you. I hope to get back to regular blogging soon.

Peace,
Mimi

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