10 Reasons Why The World Cannot End Today

Surely you've heard the apocalyptic warning by now that the world as we know it, will end today. Today's random date was picked for Biblical AND Astrological reasons (!) which makes it all the more cringeworthy and credible. Let me paraphrase the experts. I do it all the time on the blog. They never mind and no one has sued me. Yet. 
Apparently, Virgo is in some sort of birth travail at the moment and Pisces...or was it Pisces having the astral baby....ONE of them is about to give birth and the tail of some star chart is aligned with the head of said pregnant skirt-wearing constellation which is supposed to cause a nasty collision with the planet Nibiru  (aka Planet X) first told to us by a woman in Wisconsin who says aliens planted a microphone in her brain and dubbed her prophetic and wise, at which point said cataclysmic collision and explosion of the earth's crust will cause a calamitous event meant to evacuate either (1) all the Christians who are ready to meet Jesus  (2) all the Republicans who won't vote for repeal and replace (that would be ONE)  or (3) all the Democrats who secretly pretend to abhor Republican hold-outs for their "self-righteous" ways but really just want the same thing in a different bottle on most days minus a few whippersnappers with common sense and compassion. Amen and amen.  That leaves maybe 3 people in the House and 1 in Congress give or take a few janitors. 

During Bloggingham's solar eclipse in my backyard.
What do you see?

And ALL of this was foretold by clouds during the recent Solar Eclipse and rooted in ancient numerology. 
See how I explained that so succinctly?
Ten Reasons Why The World Cannot End Today



1. Homer needs a bath

2. I need a bath
3. I have a pie in the oven I ain't takin' no half-baked crust to Jesus

4. Baby Beans has to return the shopping cart.  But first I have to get him out of it.

Hurry up, Baby Beans!
 We have a disaster to attend.

5. I'm too busy running to the emergency room. Mama fell and broke her hand.  And now sheeee needs a bath. Who is gonna do it? Yours Truly


6. My lesson plans are overdue. Again.  I figured if the world was going to end we wouldn't need them next week. Strangely, my principal did not agree.
7. ULTA is having a sale.
8. I need to read the end of three books I haven't finished. I don't think there are any book clubs where I'm going....
9.   I haven't downloaded all the solar eclipse shenanigans that happened in the woods of Bloggingham. Dancing with a moonsun was epic and life-changing.   I wore a moon-smock and saw a woman in the clouds. You see her too, right?

and last but certainly not least.... are we still here????
10.  There are peace globes to gather. Peace globes to blog. Peace globes!  Peace globes! Peace globes! Do you have your peace globe?

Now if you'll excuse me, my pie is burning. As most of you predicted it would.  See? Now THAT's credible.

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February 2007 ~ Mimi Writes Instant Recap

February started with snow and ended with unseasonably warm weather - in every respect. A month of "warm fuzzies" and promising relationships. Let's think back. Here's what happened in my blog life (and personal life) during February 2007.

February 1: It's Snowing! I Smell a Story.... No school, slippery weather. A hot chocolate day.
My favorite quote from local news channel weather guy:
"The snow is falling and will continue to fall. Expect more snow on the ground by the end of the day."
Duh.

February 2: A Royal Apology The Saturday Comeback Challenge on my Dating Site accidentally left out blog buddy Ian Healy from EDog's Everything Page. My favorite comeback by Ian:

Bachelor: Looking for a female who shows interest. If any of this interests you drop me a massage!!!
Ian: Don’t expect a happy ending, though. That’s $200.

February 3: Something special smoldering beneath all that snow - a post about peace and how to find it. Love found
Under The Snow always manifests itself as peace to the world. The road to peace is not a long one, but it is a deep one.


February 4: The first instant recap of the year. Actually, this idea was stolen from another blogger with permission. What a fabulous way to start the year - time well-spent in New England with bloggable nuggets to spare
Drowning in a sea of electrical appliances, Boyfriend advises..."Flip the switch, Mims. Just flip the switch."

Do I need a Degree for This? explains why Mimi Lenox needs a handyman. These things should come with instructions. Whatever you do, don't try this at home.

February 6: Monday Mimisms: Game? What Game? Purple Rain and Prince (Not Prince Budwick, the real Prince....well, Budwick is real, too..Oh...you know what I mean).
Superb Superbowl mania
and
The Kid Rocks. It was my pleasure to nominate high school student, Frolicsome Kid, for a Bestest Blog of The Day award. As a weekly guest writer on Bobby Griffin's phenomenal site, I've been fortunate enough to find some of the best talent in the blogosphere. Congrats to the Kid!


February 7: The Bud and Mimi American Idol review continued with mixed reviews. To put it bluntly: we bailed. The talent is awful, the show is a mess and we were scrambling at 2am to write a humor blog on the phone while living 700 miles apart. It was soooo unromantic. Welcome to San Antonio was the beginning of the end.

February 9: Send This To Someone You Love is a story worth repeating.
It was also one of the scariest days of my life. "When were you crying? I don't remember crying today. I remember afraid but I do not remember crying...Fix your face, Mimi. It's time to open the door."



February 11: What I Did For Love.
I got my ponytail caught in the vacuum cleaner. Preparing Bloggingham Palace for Boyfriend's visit, I had a close encounter with a household appliance (It was possessed, I tell you!!) and attacked by a can of carpet cleaner.


February 14:

Will You Be My Valentine?    
"He had a handsome boyish charm about him that reeked of mischief and intrigued me. I didn't expect to fall in love with a blog." 
 Read how boyfriend swept me off my Mimi feet with just one word."
You Had Me At Constantly was written for my Valentine. 

February 19: Monday Mimisms ~Mims is Cooking
Our vacation has begun and Queen Mimi must feed the Prince. Let's talk chili. I made it for breakfast. He was not amused. Oh dear.
 
February 22: We Interrupt Our Regularly Scheduled Vacation....


Although Boyfriend has been journaling every juicy detail of our trip over at his place, we did have to stop and judge the Saturday Comeback Challenge. First-time competitor Turnbaby from And as the World Turns takes first place. 

February 24: Breaking News! Queen of Memes poisons her Prince on Romantic Holiday in the States...Film at 11. There is Trouble In Paradise  and there is mention of food poisoning. What's a Pencil Skirt to do? Nurse Barbie to the rescue. "I need diagrams, girlfriend. A map. A Ouija board. A priest. Anything! I'm sinking in a pile of lingerie here!!!"
It was a moment.

Sunday Blog Chatter: Vote for Sarge Charlie.February 25:
Fellow blogger and military blogger is up for an award and doing quite well.

February 26: Monday Meme with Queen of Memes ~ The Thirty Dirty Thirty  How much dirt can one Queen dish? With questions like "Are you good at math?" I was forced to get silly. "I need a calculator to count sheep." 
And then Queen Victoria showed up.....

February 28: Dona Nobis Pacem On my Mind. I am hopelessly devoted to the Peace Globe movement. Stay tuned for a big announcement soon. It's time
That's it for February Recap. So I'll sign off like a certain DJ I know - since this format is being used with his permission - and call it a day.

Trouble in Paradise

I knew it would happen.

A careless word. Too many cocktails. He's warm. I'm cold. The lid left off the toothpaste. Not enough towels. My alarm clock buzzing for forty minutes. Ptomaine poisoning.

That's right.  After I joked in my last post about taking my Prince to the emergency room, he really did get sick. And believe it or not, it wasn't my cooking. But it was my fault.

Last night we went to "the best steakhouse in Bannister" according to friends. I knew he loved a good steak and I wanted it to be a special evening for him. It certainly was that.

I ordered petit filet Mignon and he the T-Bone with mushrooms - rare.

Very rare.

Too rare

On the way back, he started to feel sick so I took him straight to the castle. Nurse Barbie to the rescue.
Sort of.

I'm a terrible nurse.

The guy has food poisoning. What's a Pencil Skirt to do?

I tried to make it romantic.

I lit candles.
He was not amused.
I drew a bubble bath.
He was not amused.

I got in the bubble bath.
He was not amused.

I threw rose petals on the bed.

I thought he was going to kill me.
I didn't mean for them to land in his Imodium.

"My Prince"  I said, "how am I supposed to help you when you won't come out of the lavatory? I'm just trying to strike a mood here!"

"Strike a match, Mimi. Just strike a match."

"You're so grumpy. Didn't you have enough to eat??! I can fix something else for you if you'd like......sweetie?....sugar lips?...."

I hate slamming doors.

OK, Mimi. Think. What would a good girlfriend do? I know! I'll put on one of those cute nurse outfits and we'll play hospital. That should make him feel better right away.

So when he came out of the room-of-doom I was wearing this.

I hate slamming doors.

Maybe I should call the hospital.
Right after I call my friend Turnbaby. She'll know what to do.

"Turn!" I whispered so that boyfriend-in-the-bathroom wouldn't hear, "My Prince is sick. I'm sunk. What should I do?"

"Mims, I told you not to cook."

"I didn't....it was the.."

"Did you light candles, prepare a bubble bath and throw rose petals as I suggested?"

"Yes, Turn. He hated it. And the paper hat made him sicker."

"Paper hat? What paper hat? I never said anything about hats, Mims. Pay attention!"

"I need diagrams, girlfriend. A map. A Ouija board. A priest. Anything! My guy is green and I'm sinking in a pile of lingerie here!!!

"Calm down, Mimi.
He needs a shot."

Click.

"Wait! A shot of what? Turn!!"

Thanks a lot, girlfriend. 
Some friend you are.

His flight back to New England is in less than 24 hours, our last romantic night is ruined and he's still sleeping. Well....we do have tonight. I'll call the hospital (novel idea) and they'll tell me what to do.

No. It's too late for that. I should have called last night when his fever was 108.

Let's face it. I'm a terrible cook. A terrible nurse. A terrible girlfriend. Bloggingham Palace has seen better days, my friends. I'll just finish packing for him and when he wakes up maybe he'll forgive me. IF he wakes up. I can see it now. "Queen of Memes poisons Prince  on romantic holiday in the States....Film at 11." Nobody will believe I didn't do this! Everybody in the known world knows my middle name is Blanche. (Think infamous-American-woman-executed-on-death-row-for-poisoning-three-husbands-with-tainted-banana-pudding.) The local grocer will only allow me to purchase one banana at a time. My own family won't allow me bring food at holidays.

This is not good.

Maybe he won't even remember last night. Just then I heard a crashing noise in the bedroom. Prince is sitting up in bed. He lives.


"Good morning, sweetheart" he said. "How are YOU today?"

"Fine, dear," I cautiously remarked as I checked his fever. "YOu're looking much better today. You sure did sleep a long time. Do you remember last night?"

"Vividly."

That's what I was afraid of.

"About that steak, Mimi....."

Here it comes. The end of our relationship. Washed down with Chardonnay and a bad steak.

"I don't think it was the steak, Mims. I think it was the...."

"Bud?" I interrupted. "I don't feel so well. ...."

"We both had the Caesar salad dressing, didn't we?
I'm surprised you're not...You do look kind of pale."

"Where are you going, Mims? I'm feeling so much better now! We can still have our romantic night. I'll light the candles, draw a bubble bath. Where are those rose petals?...Mimi? Are you listening? And I had a crazy dream about a nurse in a cute little Red Cross outfit. Hmmmm......???

He hates slamming doors.

Postscript: For the record, my Prince really did have a mild case of food poisoning last night. He is feeling better today. I hope this makes him laugh.

We Interrupt Our Regularly Scheduled Vacation.....

....with a trip to the emergency room.
It was the chili.
Too much powder.
Not enough water in the Mississippi to wash it down.

But don't worry.
Boyfriend will be OK in a few days. He'll be back with more wacky interviews and taking applications for a new girlfriend.

I'm going to cooking school.

Seriously.
We just finished judging the Saturday Comeback Challenge together and it was a hoot. (That's a southern expression y'all) We needed a laugh today after arguing with the cable guy, meeting my mother and then my Prince stubbed his toe on the crock pot after dinner. It was a moment.

For updates on our crazy adventure, click over to his blog where my Prince has documented every juicy detail. Well, not every detail.....

Good night and congratulations to the winners of this week's Saturday Comeback Challenge.
Turnbaby from And As the World Turns
is this week's winner. She is beside herself with glee and can't stop squealing............That girl is so crazy.

Monday Mimisms ~ Mims Is Cooking

Hello readers! 
Sorry for my blog absence of late. My Prince and I are four days into our vacation. It is important to note that he is still somewhat alive after surviving a bit of my cooking. The bagels and cream were delicious. He said they were "the best bagels and cream cheese he'd ever eaten."
I made him say it but that doesn't count.
It was the thought.

So far I'm striking out with my kitchen skills. One more strike and it's speed dial menu the rest of the week. Bud doesn't care if I cook for him or not, but I thought I should try to make something special while he's here. So far, it certainly has been "special." As you know, he made delicious lobster for me while I was in New England for New Years. I wanted to do the same for him sans killing innocent life forms. He took me to an elegant restaurant last night for dinner and we had a wonderful time, but I think he just wanted me to see what an actual menu looks like with food that goes together.

Strike One:

Let's talk chili.

I made it for breakfast.

He was not amused.

He did not want beans for breakfast.

Who knew??!

Strike Two:

I put curry in the tossed salad.
I thought it would spice it up.

He hates curry.
Especially on greens.

Who knew??!!

Strike Three:

When I went grocery shopping, I bought Diet Pepsi instead of Diet Coke. Anybody who knows him knows he can't function without Diet Coke! He doesn't drink coffee in the mornings like most of America, he has to have a Diet Coke. I should know this.
Before he arrived I specifically asked what foods he would not eat.
His answer? "Asparagus." Is that all? I inquired.
Yes, just asparagus.
And now it's beans and curry! 

So tonight - as we speak! - I am cooking Pork Loin Roast with garlic and herbs, boiled cabbage, green beans and a fruit mixture for a celebratory dessert. Well.....let me get through the cooking of the pork first before we do too much celebrating. I read that cooking pork is pretty risky although I've never actually cooked a pork roast before.
I just checked on it.

It's not a pretty picture, folks. It does not look like the beautifully adorned pork roast on the wrapper that it was wrapped in when I bought it. Not the same at all. What happened to the color?

Twenty minutes until dinner and I'm in a panic!!
It's time to put the fruit in the bowls. Hopefully, I can accomplish that.
I'll tell you how it turns out........and if he survives.

Where are the candles?
And the fire extinguisher....

What I Did For Love: The Tale of The Vacuum Cleaner Hose

UPDATE: He said he could deal with the ponytail - just not the pink hat. Men.

I got my ponytail caught in the vacuum cleaner hose.

This is what it looked like when it was still attached to my head.

I am not amused.
Why is Queen Mimi vacuuming in the first place, you may ask? Here's the dirt.

My Prince and I will embark on another grand adventure in a few days when we begin our vacation. First stop. Bloggingham Palace.

It was poor planning on my part to give the servants the day off.

What was I thinking?!

There was no one to rescue me. Not a phone within reach. Just me and the evil vacuum cleaner. It was possessed I tell you!

I was alone and in danger.

Prince Charming does not understand this concept. He lives in the city. I live in a cozy writer's bungalow in the middle of three acres of trees. The closest neighbor is an acre away. Granted, they shut the windows and curse when I practice an Italian aria on the front porch but you'd think they could tell the difference between that and a woman screaming H-e-E-L-L-L-P while her hair gets sucked into the vacuum cleaner.
Maybe not.

Strange are the thoughts of a woman on the verge of being scalped.
Will he still love me with a bob cut?
How much do I really need my left ear?

It's all my fault. If only I'd pulled my hair through the back of the Yankees cap today. But it was at the cleaners. Will anyone think to pick up my dry cleaning?
Wonder if the vacuum will still be running when I'm dead and the paramedics get here in three days to take me to the morgue. No lipstick either.


I did hear a couple of ducks quack near the pond but I think they were mating....which is more than I can say for my sad little life if I don't disengage myself from this machine. Surely even Mr. Toadwinkle in the next Grove of Nowhere can see there are bubbles floating from the chimney. Oh. I forgot to tell you about the bubbles.

It was not a pretty day at the Palace.

First I was attacked by a can of carpet cleaner. The instructions clearly read "Spray a thin, even layer of foam on a 3 ft.square area. Hold can upside down." Not one to believe in that silly less-is-more philosophy, I thought thicker would be faster and more efficient. Foam. Finally something I understand - bubbles.


I sprayed a little. It's not working. I need more....that's what I always do when the bubbles aren't bubbly enough in the bath.....I just wish I hadn't turned the can in the opposite direction when I saw a lost earring and got distracted. My rousing rendition of "I Will Survive" would have tasted so much better without the chemicals.

Making mental note: Spray can Foam scientifically and exponentially multiples. Great! Now I needed a bath. I just didn't expect to get one right then.

Before the hose became my personal friend, we got along famously. I'd sensually slithered into rubber gloves and loud music. Brewed a pot of coffee. Donned my crown. Turned off my computer and began my Queenly cleaning. I rummaged through drawers, actually found the bottom of the closet floor, threw out tax returns from the seventies and organized my jewelry box.

And that's when I saw it.

 A box of Godiva just out of my reach. No problem. I can fit. I don't remember this mattress being so low ....and why are there wooden slats on the carpet. Aren't they supposed to be holding up the bed? During the thirty minutes it took to get back out I had a lovely time.

I discovered that dust particles had grown into villages under my bed. Someone stashed a Christmas gift that was never opened. Wouldn't you know it? I have time to open it now and it's not for me.

Chemically induced lack of oxygen brings spiritual moments.

 I had to face the truth.

In four days, 32 hours, 75 minutes and 40 seconds my Prince will be here (he put a countdown ticker on his website to remind me to clear my calendar those days)- and I can't cook. My best dish is bagels and cream cheese. He will have to eat more than that. So I alphabetically memorized my grocery list. 
A: Take-Out menu.

That was easy.

And he will have to get used to my driving. Mimi Pencil Skirt does not have Hamied-The-Friendly-Cabbie on call 24/7. She does not speed dial four-star restaurants, have her socks washed and pressed by total strangers or hobnob with celebrities on a daily basis. 

I had plenty of time to think about Prince and our relationship.....no, not THAT Prince... Does he know I get into trouble everywhere I go? Have I made that perfectly clear? Can he live with my Nacrophobia (fear of nail-breaking)?
What will he say when he arrives to see half of my pencil skirt sticking out from under the bed?
Luckily, I found a leftover bottle of tranquilizers just under the Fabulous Forties magazine. It was empty.

So I ate all the chocolate.

And now this pulsating playboy catches me -and my ponytail- off guard. Red-faced with that cute little blush, he'd been trying to have a personal relationship with my pants leg all day; wielding wildly and amorously about as only a full upright can do. As you can see, he lied about his height. I should have stopped the nonsense then. It was apparent he was only after my ponytail.

How did I know? I'd never been in such a relationship before. I didn't even know how to turn it on before yesterday! And now it's taken the very best of me. What a player. What a day. What a mess.

As soon as Jezebel The Maid returns I'm going to give her a raise.

Which brings me back to the reason I started all this pesky cleaning in the first place. A new relationship. A new adventure. A great guy. You're right, Mimi. He IS a great guy. And understanding. He won't mind that what's left of your hair smells like OxyCleaner. He never said a word when you got lost in Manhattan and thought you were in New Jersey, now did he? He knows you would never use the kind of language the dust villagers heard when you broke the third nail unless you were trying to do something nice for him in the first place. And did he balk when you called him at 2am because you lost your cheesecake in the airport? No. Of course not.

I'd better go get that cap out of the cleaners. I'm gonna need a cover for this story. And for my head. I wonder if he'd believe I joined a cult.....

Do I Need a Degree For This?

"All you have to do is flip the switch, Mimi."

"The ice is melting."

"All you have to do is flip the switch."

"There's a puddle in the floor, my Prince."

"The flip must be switched...er.....I mean the switch must be flipped.
Flip the switch."


"I won't have French vanilla for my coffee in the morning."

"Find the breaker box."

"I'll break it.""You can't break the breaker. It's a switch. Just flip it."

"Which way?"

"Flip the switch."


Can we talk?

This man has more patience than Dr. Anonymous (ha!) which is exactly where I would have ended up had I switched that thing-a-ma-jig last night. FRIED. Electrocuted. Not attractive.

Instead, I took Handsome's advice and broke a nail.
I broke a nail flipping the switch. He did not tell me this would happen. I was not prepared for such an event. I was not amused.

These things should come with instructions.

"They do come with instructions, Mims......"(Ice plops into vodka glass, Bud is eye-rolling 700 miles away, long sigh......I wait.) "On second thought Mimi, call the electrician."

"It's too late. I already ruined my manicure!"

It is not amusing to me when he attempts to stifle laughter.

 I said,
"It's Saturday night. There's a puddle in the floor. My French Vanilla cream is melting and the butter is a mess. I might as well start cooking everything in the freezer right now. I'll make a casserole! It should still be good when you get here in 12 days, 14 hours, 32 minutes and 10 seconds."


He was not amused.

"In fact, I think I still have my Easy Bake Oven. I'll use it. I don't need to mess with the breaker thing ever again. I did not see a switch labeled Mattel. Great idea!. It's not attached to the flip thing at all."


Is it?

We just had this conversation two days ago. I bought a new electric toothbrush. A lovely toothbrush. My favorite color. Recommended by my dentist. I was all ready to do my nightly Queen routine....you know....green face mask, olive oil hair treatment, toenail painting, big ugly yellow curlers, a simple exorcism or two and my first date with the toothbrush.

I couldn't get it out of the package.

"I need a jackhammer, dear.."

"You need a jackhammer."

Thirty second pause.

"Wwhhhhyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?"

"I can't open my new toothbrush."
"Uh...have you tried scissors?"
"Of course, silly. I have scissors. ......somewhere."


"Get the scissors, Mimi. Use the scissors."
 

"Well...I tried using them. They don't work......since I broke them trying to open this five-inch plastic packaging. If they had security like this at the airport there would be no need for all that bottle nonsense. Are you paying attention?!!"

"You need scissors, Mims. Get the scissors."

"I have a knife."

Now I realize that must have been a frightening thought to him at the moment - given the fact that I was teetering on the edge of breaking a nail - but he didn't have to get snarky about it.

"I think it would be wise, Miss Pencil Skirt, if you put the knife down."


"Well what else do you expect me to do? I'm taking this back to the store!"

"Why? Is there something wrong with it?"

"How would I know! I can't get it open."

(He is not paying attention.)

But I forgive him. Long distance relationships are a bit tricky at times. Can we help it that he's not here to rip open my packages with his teeth and flip my switch? He's doing his best. Any man who'll put up with my Nabrackaphobia (that's translated "fear of nail breaking" for all you normal people out there) - is the man for me.

So this morning while I'm having my French Vanilla mocha lite with sprinkles in my favorite cup held gingerly by two bandaged fingers all warm and cozy in my electrically humming kitchen thanks to the wonderfully detailed instructions I got from a cute New England electrician, I decided to give him a call. Right after I do my Queenly prissy stuff in the ladies room.

Funny. I don't remember this floor being....being.....

Wet.
Sigh.

"Good morning, my Prince. How are you today?"

"I feel great Mims! It's SuperBowl Sunday and I'm rooting for the Bears. Should be a great game. How's your toothbrush working this morning?"

"Never mind about the toothbrush. I've got bigger fish to fry."

"What's wrong now?"

"There's a puddle in the floor."

"Didn't you flip the switch like I asked you to?"

"I'm in the bathroom now, Bud."  Sweetie?  Are you there? 
 "Just checking my liquor cabinet quota...er...you know..for the game."

 I think I flipped the wrong switch. I told you I shouldn't be standing in front of the electrical box singing eeny-meeny-miney-mo. I'm not qualified to handle such a crisis..."


"Mims."

".....you told me to flip the switch. You didn't say which switch to flip. I thought any old switch would do. Now, isn't that what you said Bud? I'm just ......

"Earth to Mimi......"

"...doing what you told me to do and now here I stand in my favorite pajamas with water on the floor about to plug up the hairdryer."

"Mimi!!"
"That's what I'll do. A nice hot long bubble bath should fix this problem. When in doubt, bubble. That's always my motto.Bubbles....nice bubbles.....

Do you believe in long distance praying? Obviously, someone does.

"Did you say 'amen' sweetie?"

"Thank God you're still alive. What were you thinking??"


"I was thinking that I broke not one - but two - nails for absolutely nothing."

I hate it when he stifles laughter.

"Where are you when I need you?! Now I have to go back into the dungeon downstairs, find the breaker thingy and start this whole process over again. I'm taking my rosary beads this time."

"Mimi. You're not Catholic."

"I'm not an electrician either but that doesn't seem to matter now, does it?"

"Flip the switch, Mims. Just flip the switch."
Very funny, wiseguy.

"Look at it this way, sweetheart. At least your toothbrush works. Right? And without the use of a jackhammer. Isn't technology amazing.....Mimi?.....Are you there?"


"Back now. I've done all the flip-switching I'm gonna do for awhile. I hope everything works. I'm exhausted, Bud! And I need a bath. My hair's a mess, the bubbles have disappeared and my coffee is cold. At least my feet are dry now. Well....have a great day watching football. Don't mind me. I'll be here blowing up the house and otherwise breaking things. I'll talk to you later. "

"Goodbye, Mimi. Have a great day."

"OH NO!"
"What is it now, Mimi?"

"It won't work!"

"The electricity?"

"No, Bud. The toothbrush. Aren't you paying attention? I plugged it in and everything.....and it only took me three hours to open the wrapping and then I had to bandage my hand because of the cut from the plastic and...

"Mims....."

".....Why does this always happen to me? You tell me to switch the flip, I switch all of them. You tell me to get bigger scissors, I get the hedge clippers. I read the instructions in Latin, Spanish, French and Tagalog.........

"....calm down, Mimi...."

"My feet are wet, my pajamas are soaked, I need more coffee and I haven't even started my blog for the day! I just want to brush my teeth. Should that be such a hard thing to do??!! I'm about ready to .....

"Yes, Mimi?" (said the voice of sanity)

"FLIP!"

Silence.

"But you forgot one thing, dear."

"Oh yeah, wiseguy. What's that?"

"Batteries."