Friday, December 28, 2007

What I Learned In the Last 48 Hours About Thieves


It feels like three years have passed since Wednesday. Click here for part one of this story that I first reported when my home was robbed the day after Christmas. Since then, I've learned a few things.

I'm writing in spurts in a stream of consciousness. I had a few silly Christmas capers all ready to share with you this week but they will have to wait while I get this out of my system. Now, I am sometimes angry, sometimes sad... and at times, a sliver of "pencil skirt" is beginning to wrap its brain around this. Today is anger. I hope you don't mind.

My home is my sanctuary.

I have designed it that way. It is a perfect writer's bungalow with oodles of privacy and even though I complain about the upkeep, I love my space. The view out my window in the fall is soothing to my soul, the winter snows are laced with porch pansies inspired by my grandmother's plants and the trees.......oh the trees......they each have character and strength. A face. A story. A name.

I know them.




My home is more than a house to me.

I can sit near the foliage high on the deck and think and read and pray and wonder. Underneath Bloggingham's large rocks are hidden little seedlings of buttercups I planted years ago, azalea bushes entrenched one sunny spring day that peppers the mountain with pink blooms. Growing too wildly underneath the front deck are boxwood bushes transplanted from my father's father's farm. Inside the tool shed is my grandfather's handmade toolbox mounted on the wall - the one I saw him reach inside many many times as a child. His healing hands on a wooden latch. A laugh from his wise old face. Perfectly designed by his own carpenter's hands....now graces my little shed.

My home is more than a house to me.

And what happens when someone you don't know treads upon that private space? What happens when a thief tries to steal your peacefulness.....



You think twice before you step outside to water your pansies.




You find yourself seething with anger for someone you never met, someone who became all too familiar with who you are.

You pick up your pajamas and remember they've now been viewed by a stranger.

You put them down.
And you cry.

You wash. You scrub. You fumigate.

Around every corner of your house is a potential Boo! Is he there? Are they back? What's that noise? Was that there before? Did I leave that there? Do I hear talking on the porch? Do I smell cigarette smoke? Where did I leave my phone? And my keys? And my running shoes......just in case.....

A million questions you never asked before are now part of the protection phase you're in. And even asking them you know yourself - in the logical part of your brain - that your emotions are holding sway over your common sense.

You take the phone in the bathroom, slide chairs under the door latch and check to see if your car is locked ten times a day. You get your shopping finished before dark. And you don't go to sleep anymore. I am now drifting off from exhaustion, however, because my mind is in overdrive.


Do you sit by the window with the curtains open?



Or do you close them..........something to think about now.


Should I watch the sunset from inside tonight? Or do I walk about as I usually do and smell the setting of the sun........Who is watching if I do..... ?
Do they see me?
Or do they see what I see?

.... a magnificent spectrum of sky through trees I love and privacy I cherish

....beautiful clouds spilling stories I've yet to tell

....and peacefulness.


Stillness.

No.

This person, whoever he is, and whatever possessed this person to do such a thing, knows no peace.

And I'll be damned if he's going to steal mine.






16 comments:

Empress Bee (of the High Sea) said...

what a horrible thing to go through and you are such a beautiful person mimi, i am so sad about all of this. just so sad my friend.

hugs, bee
xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Sandee (Comedy +) said...

You're going to be just fine Mimi. I can tell by the last two sentences. Yep, you are right on the money here. No one can take away your peace if you don't allow them to. Very well said. Big hug. :)

Desert Songbird said...

Absolutely do NOT allow this incident to steal your inner peace. It's difficult, I know, but after you give yourself time to heal, knowing that your resolve and inner strength are not HIS to steal, allows you to triumph in the end.

NOLADawn said...

:D What Songbird said... Hugs Mimi.

Deana said...

Oh Mimi, I am so sorry. I know the thoughts of someone going through your things has left you feeling violated. You have the right to be angry. I just hate thieves, I do. I think people who take others things who work hard because they are too sorry to work hard for their on are just the scum of the earth.

I came home one day with my best friend one Friday to watch a movie many years ago and when she went to her room she yelled "someone has pushed my mattress off the bed"...and then the light bulb in your brain goes off..."sh** I've been robbed." She was hysterical running around, then trying to find her dog that turns out they had hit in the head but didnt' kill it. It was just awful. She couldn't sleep for the longest time. I actually stayed with her for a while....

I just hate this so much for you.

Akelamalu said...

Oh my dear it's a crying shame that some deadbeat, no-good sonofabitch has invaded your sacred space. Don't let them beat you Mimi. xxxx

Julie Pippert said...

What a moving descriptions of the emotions...and I am awed and impressed by your resolve. Reclaim your space, make it your sanctuary again. YGG!

Julie
Using My Words

Lee said...

Good for you, Mimi. It sounds like you're getting to a better state of mind. It's going to take a little time, but like everyone else, I'm confident you'll get there.

Whatever you do, don't let the b*stards get the upper hand.

Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

Yep. I understand how you feel. The parsonage I lived in in southern Indiana was robbed one Christmas Eve while I was next door in the church leading the evening service.

Carver said...

Mimi,

Your poignant post is so healthy. I am glad you are able to write it out. I am also glad that you are able to express your determination that you won't let your sanctuary and peace of mind be taken from you. It may take time but I believe it's important to be able to express your anger and refusal to let them take any more. I have to allow myself anger to avoid depression at times and it sounds like your are able to do that. You are in my thoughts, Carver

Travis said...

You've got this one licked.

It will still take a little more time for you to stop jumping at sounds. You still have some frights to work through.

You'll remake your sanctuary.

Hang in there.

Mimi Lenox said...

Bee - I know you care. I feel the hug. Thank you.

Sandee - Brave talk today. A little nervous though tonight. Baby steps...

Songbird and Nola - I do need to remember to understand myself that I don't have to "get over this" in a split second (like some super woman). I'm having to learn to be patient with myself. Because I'm just NOT myself yet. Not at all.

Deana - I'm glad you were there for your friend. Sorry for her. You do have a panic reaction at first. The "resting" part is going to take some time. I'm just so incredibly exhausted.

Akelamalu - I won't. But I am tired right now. Just really tired of it. And it's only been four days. The endless cleaning and washing has to end sometime. Arggh...

Julie - You are my little cheerleader. Keep rah-rah-ing...I need a push.

Lee - They'll only get the upper hand if I don't get angry. And right now, I just want to spew.
Trying not to let too much show on my "peaceful" blog.....except that, I do think it's OK in this case. I want to cuss. Really!
I think I'll title my next post, "Excuse Me, Do You Mind If I Cuss?"

Nick - You were robbed while preaching?!! I'll bet you didn't cuss. Pencil Skirt here is going to cuss. I feel it coming on.
Tomorrow is Sunday though....maybe I'll wait til Monday.

Carver - I've always believed in expressing, no matter what. Holding it in and "letting go" too early is damaging I think.

Trav - "Frights to work out"...exactly. And they come so suddenly.

Thanks everyone. Your words mean more than I can say.

Linda said...

Hang in there, Mims, and you'll get through this and come out all the stronger for having had to endure this sort of thing. You're a strong woman and you have a lot of resolve but it seems to me that so far you are doing great.

Curse the miserable bastards that did this to you, though. Sorry for the language but it just makes me so angry that people feel they can just go in and trash someone else's house and memories. I hope that whatever goes around comes around in spades for whoever did this and that they know what it's like to have their world turned upside down, too.

Take care, my friend, and thank you for such a feeling, real post.

Little Wing said...

Hi, I got here from a post on Sometimes Saintly Nick's blog.
Bless you.
I would hope the bastards didn't find what they wanted, and wont be back.
Have you ever heard of smudging?
A Native American custom, but many people do it now.
It may help you to feel like it is your space again.

Julie said...

Yup my dear....just keep on writing, wiping tears as you move forward.

I had just a mere pittance of "me" stolen several years ago when some thugs took my purse. I wrote and wrote and submitted it too my local daily newspaper. They printed it.

I prayed the culprits read it too. They were apprehended and did time! I am notified each time the culprits are released from jail (yup they're habitual thieves) and everytime they go back in.

This to will pass.

Love ya!

crazy working mom said...

Bless your heart. I hope this gets easier for you...soon. I can only imagine what you're going through.

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