Thursday, July 5, 2007

The Place I'm In


"It's your essence. The core of this rose is who you are. Who you are destined to be. The real you. It is who you are. Trust it," wrote one Mimi Lenox in January 2007 after a day's visit at the cemetery.


To visit Papa.

I'd needed a sign. A word. An affirming nod from Heaven.
I got a fiery rose underneath leaves in a graveyard and the remembrance of a dream.

Whenever I am faced with a major decision, my dreams become vivid and symbolic. I've learned over the years, to listen to them - to trust my instincts and follow the current of what is happening at the moment. Back in January when I needed my "sign" I was about to take a huge leap of faith and make some major changes in my life. Although I didn't get specific directions that day, I did receive exactly what I needed. And the answer came in the form of remembering my "rose dream" in which an unfolding rose petal with a fiery red middle represents my essence -the core of who I really am - the authentic Mimi Lenox.

It reminds me to trust me. It gives me courage. It centers me.

This time, it caused me to trust an impulse to open myself to love again. A decision I will never regret.

This week it was the house dream. The one I've had over and over for years. Always the same house. And the dream never fails to show up when I'm at a crossroads. In the dream, I'm in the third story annex nestled underneath the dormers of a large white house. I climb up the same set of stairs, open a small door into this upstairs addition and start to walk around. The doorway is narrow and I have to stoop down to step through, but once inside, the rooms are expansive and connected by a narrow hallway. And white. Some rooms are finished and furnished, others are in stages of construction, sometimes people from my past are there, loved ones who've passed, or just me. This time I was alone.

I get the sense that it is a house of "discovery" and I never quite find the treasure. I go from room to room and peek in the door, touch the wood, sit down or simply visit for a second.
Sometimes I stay and listen and sometimes I move on to the next alcove, but I always feel incredibly energized - as if there's a story in each room and I must finish it. Every nook and cranny holds adventure and unending possibility. There's a secret of substance that I must find. ......like I'm visiting a museum in my mind and all I have to do is sit there awhile and the answer will come.
So this week, armed with the fiery rose and a house full of dreams, I made a major decision and stepped into it - but it wasn't exactly what I'd anticipated - and it wasn't the ending I would have originally chosen for my story - but it did make me peaceful.
When I catch my breath and settle into the words, I will share it with you.
But for now I will say that it has left me in a solitary place.
Just me and my pencil skirt.
And a rose
And a room

And more stories to write......

18 comments:

Travis said...

Sometimes I just like to read your words. This is one of those times.

I'm looking foward to the stories.

crazy working mom said...

What an exciting adventure. I can't wait to hear more about it. :)

Hope you're feeling better.

Patti said...

Beautiful writing, Mimi. Awaiting more...

Bond said...

Is it my rotten, horrible mindset that makes me wonder why this sounds so sad?

Desert Songbird said...

Stunning imagery, Mimi.

Patti said...

Like Bond, I did at first think it sounded sad.
Then I thought it was contemplative.

Now I'm not sure.

Empress Bee (of the High Sea) said...

uh oh, i smell something coming that i think will not make me happy... sigh...


smiles and hugs, bee

Dan said...

It reminds me to trust me. It gives me courage. It centers me.

Yes! We have infinite wisdom inside. And our dreams are one way of us talking to ourselves when our damned minds turn off. What pests are those minds, with all those crazy thoughts always getting in the way.

Nice post!

Pauline said...

Such a vivid dream and so beautifully written.

gem said...

Mimi, I have many deficits but being intuitive isn't one of them. I think I know what you have to tell us but am sad thinking about it. Be good to yourself.

Morgen said...

Mimi, you OK?
Send me an e-mail when you can, honey.
And know that I love ya.
Remember ~ you are a strong, vibrant woman; a survivor.

Patti said...

Mimi,
I just went back and read your stunning January 17 post.
Beautifully written is all I can say right now.

Take care and know that friends here in blogland are concerned about you.

Lizza said...

You have your pencil skirt, a rose, a room, and more stories. And your blog friends who love you and wish you well. :-)

What we have once enjoyed we can never lose. All that we love deeply becomes a part of us. -Helen Keller

Shinade said...

This is my first visit here..I found you through Ordinary Mystic's site. But, I am quite amazed how things move in our lives spiritually. I myself used this week-end to delve into great introspection and also revealed some innermost secrets on my blog. I noticed something above where someone said something about a solitary place. Now I am sometimes intuitive and at others not. However, I did not sense when I read that line that it reflected negativity...rather..simply..a time of silence removed from earthly things. However, as I was lead here today...via..my posts this week-end concerning dealing with depression and other things I am getting mixed readings. Well, that's enough of that babble...I will have to try to locate you at 1 of the forums and join this neighborhood...this was an excellent piece of writing and very heart felt. Blessings To you~Jackie

polliwog said...

You've made me cry darling Mimi.

I love you ...

Maryam in Marrakesh said...

Oh dear. I am worried about what you are going to tell us...I hope I am guessing incorrectly:-(

Sanni said...

Reading your beautiful post I´m unsure if this is the right moment to tell you you´ve won the Schmoozer Award... have a look, if you feel like. I, too, hope you´re okay, Mimi! Please tell me I missunderstand the sad undertone, because I´m German native... and I missunderstand the other comments as well... :,(

((((HUGS))))

azgoddess said...

what great news!! can't wait to hear all about it!!

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