Saturday, December 29, 2007

Sunday Blog Chatter: Excuse Me, Do You Mind If I Cuss?

I know it's Sunday.

I know it's unlike me.

But I just wanna cuss.

You know. Like a sailor's mouth cussing. Flinging words nobody ever heard of.

Flip-flopping the vowels and spitting out the consonants and smacking some verbiage around blogland. Wash-my-mouse-out-with-soap wordy dirds.


That's what I think I'll do.


Here goes.......

Did ya hear it?

Damn. I can't even cuss on my own blog. - Custom comment codes for MySpace, Hi5, Friendster and more

I want to make a pencil skirt post but I don't feel like laughing. I have a perfectly silly one I wrote just a day before the burglary. I nearly got arrested in the local toy store trying to get a story and snapping pictures behind a pink feather boa. It'll have to wait. Can't do it. I need to be a curmudgeon for a little while longer. Do you mind? I'll wax silly Monday morning and let fly some Sunday words. But not today.
Today I wanna cuss.

I'm T.I.R.E.D.

Of washing clothes, of scrubbing sinks (I can't seem to stop scrubbing things) of thinking about locking the door and forgetting -once again - if I locked the door.

Already tired and it's only been four days since my house was robbed, since my dresser was ransacked, since my toaster was smattered with nasty cigarette ashes. Since I nearly had a heart attack from hyperventilating. Since I became a twenty-four-seven roller coaster of emotions in a pencil skirt. O.U.T. O.F. C.O.N.T.R.O.L. Don't you wish I'd stop talking about it? I know you do. You're just too polite to say so.

Only four days since the embarrassing display of can't-catch-my-breath and answer the nice policeman's questions because I want to throw up. I turned down a date tonight because I don't want to come home by myself after dark. Can you believe that??

You would think I'd be over this by now! Don't you wish I'd stop talking about it?
I think I already said that. It's the holidays. Time for cheer and bubbly things in bottles.

I'm not ready to be bubbly.
But I think I might could drink.

I've written two philosophical posts about the experience, sorting through. The meat of the matter. The "lessons" I learned. Oh please. They still sit in the queue. It's only been four days. The only lesson I learned for sure is to never leave the house again without setting the alarm. Nope.

Just wanna cuss.

"But Mimi," said the voice of conscience, "what will people think?"

When have you ever known me to hold back? I don't think I'll start now.

So I'll just blow a big old huge awful vile vocabulary word not fit for human consumption all over the page. You don't mind. Do you? Here goes....

Will somebody teach me to cuss?! This is stifling my healing.
Is there a class I can take somewhere?

Every time I start the letters get all jumbled up into new words and I say things like ....OH crip! Shuck! Famn! and my personal favorite....."hellfashit" which came rolling out when I stumped my toe this afternoon. I should be able to cuss better than that. I have a college degree for Heaven's sakes.

I think the thieves stole some of my vocabulary!!! - Custom comment codes for MySpace, Hi5, Friendster and more
My mother is calling five times a day to see if I'm alright. Bless her heart but that's enough in itself to make me curse. When I was a little girl she used to say, "That's enough to make a preacher cuss!" when something went wrong.
Where is that preacher when I need him?

And you wanna hear the funniest thing? The one thing that MIGHT help me get some sleep was in the first drawer in the kitchen right underneath the Tylenol bottle. The Xanax. The prescription I kept for emergencies still full of 28 pills (one I took before a colonoscopy and the other after a trauma-induced date) and guess what?
They stole the Xanax.
And now I need it. Bring it back!!!
I think I can cuss now.
Excuse me.

The Day After Christmas ~ Bloggingham In Shambles
What I Learned In The Last 48 Hours About Thieves


Cindy said...

Okay, wait a damned minute here. The stinking, slimey theif took your Xanax and left your laptop? What the hell kind of theft priority school did this creep go to? Geez. I mean, we've all got priorities, but puhlease!

As for your anger, it's justified. And no, you shouldn't necessarily be over it yet. ONLY four days is truly an ONLY. I've not had my house broken into (knock on formica), but I have had my car broken into -- twice. Once they took things and once they just did damage to a new car that I didn't even have plates on yet. A car I had special ordered and waited five months to get. The stinking chickenshits took a brick to the window, broke it out nice as you please and ran.

Wanna know the punchline? It happened while I was at a theater watching "Unbreakable." Go figure. :)

Time wounds all heals -- I mean, heals wound all time. . . uh, wait a sec. . . wounds time all heals? No, that's not right.

Well, whatever. You just take your time and do what you have to do to regain your balance. Just don't let the fear start to take over or the shitfaced scum who did the deed will have won. And we can't have that.

Sorry this happened to you.

Jeff B said...

My dear Mimi, you take as long as you need to process these emotions through this blog. This is your blog and that's something they didn't and can't take away from you.

We may not be physically sitting next to you, holding your hand, but know our thoughts and prayers are there for you. Talking (or writing) about what happened is a healthy way of letting some of your emotions out. Keeping them bottled up will do nothing for you.

So I say, don't for a minute feel like you have to stop venting on our account. My shoulder will be here as long as you need.

Olga, the Traveling Bra said...

Sheit Mimi - I sure as heck hope they catch the little fauckers who did this to you! Hang in there babe, & let me know if you need any help coming up with cuss words...I know a few. {{{HUGS}}}

Linda said...

What in the blue hell is holding you back woman? Those slimy bastards broke into your house and now you can't find it in yourself to let loose with a string of expletives that would make a sailor blush? Good Lord but you are a Southern Belle, aren't you?!

Here, I'll do it for you ....

#&$)@!! $&*#)@*!! ($&%(_@(@$%!!

There, does that help? If not, let me know, I really can make a sailor blush if need be - after all, I worked with cops for years and EMS people are just as bad!

FoxxFyrre said...

Hugs, and let her rip. You can do it. Don't make me start the "Mimi Pencil Skirt Cuss 'Cause She Was Robbed on Boxing Day Cheering Club."


Gill said...

{{hugs}} Mimi - I know what you are going through and it is awful. Our house was burgled once and it was terrible, I felt so violated. Time will heal the wounds, but for now, do what you need to do to feel better...cuss and blog about it to your heart's content!

Daisy said...

I am going to help you cuss so you can feel a little bit better. To the burglar(s), from Daisy:

"You bad old stupid-heads! You are very terrible meanies! Do not ever do that again you doo-doos! Your mother must be ashamed of you. You deserve a big BITEY."

Empress Bee (of the High Sea) said...

mimi honey, repeat after me:


feel better?

big giant hugs to you, bee

Lee said...

The fact that the thief took your Xanax and not your laptop tells you a lot about who they are. Sounds like someone zonked on drugs looking for another fix. What I don't get is why the idiot took time to stop and smoke a cigarette or cigarettes before getting the heck out of Dodge.

Making sure the alarm is set when you leave the house is a good idea. I keep telling my wife that that's the reason we installed the system in the first place. :0)

Desert Songbird said...

Well, OF COURSE, they stole the Xanax! If you were a thieving, lying SOB, wouldn't YOU steal someone else's Xanax?

You have every right to be scared, angry, paranoid, bitchy, etc., etc. You take as long as you need, and you work it out however you need. We'll be here with you.

kathleenmaher said...

Mimi, it seems bad to find your sweet sensibility interesting while you're under all this duress. We hope you're recovering, but honestly, your readers should be entertaining you for once, not vice versa.
So what riveting bit do I have to add that will make everything okay? Or let you forget for sec?
Um. Damn. Damnation. And Damn Again.

Travis said...

OK dear. Here's your lesson.

1. Open a new blog post.
2. Type in your can be something like "I'm cussing now"
3. Go to the text box.
4. Hold down your shift key.
5. Run your fingers across the numbers.


As far as wondering about the front door, there's nothing wrong with checking it every so often. That feeling will pass. But until it does, just do what comes to mind.

If you think you didn't lock the door, then go check it. If you think you didn't set the alarm, then go check it.

If you need to cry, then cry. And if you need to swear, follow the above steps.


Mimi Lenox said...

To ALL of the ABOVE: -
You are the most wonderful people on the face on the universe. I've cried all day. And why???? Don't know. Just can't stop. And now I'm crying because you are so kind.
There are no words to thank you enough. When I see your comments and emails I know someone is "there"....I don't know why today I'm feeling so emotional. I just do. So I will let it flow and let it out. And I know you don't mind.

And thanks to you, I now can cuss.

Sandee (Comedy +) said...

Druggies always looks for dope. That's what they want. That and things that they can sell quickly. I bet you this person is a drug addict.

Mimi, do you had a close friend that can come stay with you for awhile? Might help. Try to have a good day. :)

Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

They even too the Xanax! Those @$#*&%^#!

Cussing can be good for the soul.

Roger said...

I hope things are better for you in 08 Mimi Happy New Year to you! C'ya nest year :D

Jean-Luc Picard said...

I think you have the post-Christmas blues.

Happy New Year, Mimi!

Dr. A said...

Happy New Year!

Matt-Man said...

Have a Happy and Expletive Filled New Year Mimi. Cheers!!

Jamie said...

Oh Mimi ... I've been there and it is a violation simply because you would never, ever no matter how great the need treat another human being that way!!!! When something this far out of your ken happens, it is painful so be kind to yourself for a few more days until you can think of how horrid life must be for the person who did this to you.

They have nothing but their own ugliness and you have an army of people who cherish you.

Odat said...

Damn, what an awful thing to come home to.....take some deep breaths, blog about it, cuss away...hit things with pillows...get it all out...then start living again! Don't let them win!
Peace for the New Year!

Julie said... my eyes became misty as Travis in his infinate wisdom attempts to show Mimi how to cuss.

A tear dropped as Mimi did it.

I hope my hubby doesn't see me crying. He just doens't "get" our love for each other.

Patti said...

Mimi, It did my heart good to read that cuss sentence you finally managed to eek out yesterday.

You go girl! A Southern Belle showing some attitude toward that SOB!

As the others said, take as long as you want to vent.
It's your blog and no one can ever take that from you, my dear.

I just love Homer and his signs. He cracks me up every time.

Patti said...

Hey!~ It's not 2008 yet!

crazy working mom said...

The steal a woman's Xanax!
I'm glad your mom is checking up on ya, Mims. ;)

NOLADawn said...

What the hell, don't they know a woman needs her Xanax??? I'd offer to send you some, but it probably breaks some federal laws or something :D
Cuss away babe, we love you more for it!
Feel better? I do!
Much love!

Carol said...

I know lots of swear words...but I think you can probably spell them all by now :)
Hang in there and don't let the bastards take your Peace and

Margo Moon said...

Reading this post, I kept thinking how, no, you did not sound incoherent. You were not just babbling.
Then you said you wanted them to bring the Xanax back. Mimi, think, okay? The burglar touched the Xanax. You'd have to scrub each tablet. They'd melt for sure before you could bear to put them in your mouth, if you ever could bear it. Just let the Xanax go. They're gone.

Oh, and if you find a cussin' class, can I take it with you? Huh? Huh?

katherine. said...

I am DAYS behind.

But it is a good thing...cause I would have taught you how to cuss using real swear words...and not all this niceity nice stuff....

I hearby prescribe you 12 months of cursing and complaining....with the option of at least one refill.

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