Monday Mimisms ~ Do I Look Like Annie to You??

Three Five Things I Will Never EVER Say to Anyone AgainWho Is Going Through a Hard Time

1.  You are stronger than you know.
Please, for the love of all that is BloLy (that's blog + holy for all you non-blog speakers) Let's not tempt the Universe and test that theory.

maybe I need to look in the mirror

2. This too shall pass.
Sometimes it takes a loooooonnnnng time to "pass." In the meantime it's perfectly logical to schedule a nervous breakdown.
3. You've been through worse times than this! You can do it!
Bite me.
4. I'm sorry you're sick. Are you sure it wasn't caused by stress?
Now you have insinuated that I don't have the strength to soldier through and I'm somehow to blame for my own distress. A double-whammy to my pain.                                See #3
5. Tomorrow is a new day.

Thanks. Another day of this???!!
Instead.....Have a big ugly cry. Throw some things. I tried Velcro curlers but it was so unsatisfying. Shut the bathroom door and cuss in the mirror. If you're not used to cussing you'll start tripping over consonants making up new debauchery! Feels so good. Then you'll start laughing because you can't even cuss right.
Crawl under a blanket or a rock with a bag of Cheetos. Works for me.

Anger. Let's say it. It's there because you're hurting, exhausted, and you want the pain to stop. Call up your best friend. Tell her to bring wine, a Bible, a witch doctor, a Priest, some herb roots, Reiki people, anointing oil from the Nile, snake-handling gloves, a Santana album for dancing and a box of very sinful chocolate. Yep. We're covered.I have friends who already have bags packed for such occasions.
As for the above well-meaning offenses, I have been guilty of saying all of them.And I vow to do better.
P.S. I hope this made you laugh
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Monday Mimisms ~ Vetting Their Pets

Do you know what it's like to tackle online dating AGAIN when you're not in your fifties anymore? No? Glad you asked. Men are different. Way different. And they say things like "way different" instead of speaking intelligently into my delicate ears. Way different? Who says that??!

(Who let that dog in here....)

As of this morning, there are thirty-one messages sitting in my online dating inbox. Thirty-one. Oops. Ding! There goes another one.

 This will take all day!! 

 But help is on the way. My favorite blues/lyricist/guitarist and all-round brilliant laid-back musician, Tracy Chapman, told me that I just need ONE REASON to stay. Of course, she hasn't said much at all since 2008, but I'm hoping she'll release something soon and inspire me to find good reasons to fully unleash myself on Match Dot Exhausting with no hives or nausea.

 Because, truly...it makes me queasy.

What more do they want? I've updated the updates to the updates, mentioned that I'm a Queen, set the algorithms to only fetch royal bloodlines and said I'm allergic to poodles and peanut butter. What else do they want from me??! I'd better have some super cute and mega rich younger men who also live in a palace in this pile of nonsense today or I'm done. I'm tired of being interviewed by unsuitables.  When they find out I have a real cat named after a candy bar and a sassy imaginary internet dog, they hang up. Every.Time. 

I. don't. understand.

Conversations go like this: How many times they've had covid, how many times they've not been vaccinated, how many times they HAVE been vaccinated, how many exes they dated or children they spawned during the pandemic (it's a thing), how many situationships went awry and landed them in the emergency room (realllly?) and then they have the nerve to ask about MY pandemic romances at which point I'm sure they're stalking me and reading my blog and I hang up in utter disbelief that my life has come down to wildly inappropriate run-on sentences. Who needs that?? 

If one more man asks me if I've had my shots I'm gonna scream. It's so rude. I'm not a dog. 

I suppose I should be thankful that I have so many choices. But it's not ice cream flavors. I only need one, right?  Just one. No wait...one of you (I'm pretty sure it was Shannon)  did tell me that I could have more than one if I wanted. She said it on Facebook! And if anyone in the Blogosphere knows how to lend a moment of introspection, it's Shannon. 

 This means I have thirty-one EXTRA suitors for backup singers occasions, right? Hmmmm.....I could have a date for thirty days straight!

And please, for the love of all that is Bloly (that's Blog + Holy for all you non-blog speakers) stop sending me eighty-five-year-old shag dancers. Do you know that some people think "shagging" isn't even real dancing depending on which country you live in?? In Canada, it means something entirely different. What do they know?  I don't want to start another international incident like I did in 2008 when I tried to send our peace globes to the White House. That's probably why Tracy stopped recording that very same year.  Nobody wants to be associated with a peaceful troublemaker.....

 Listen to one of my all-time favorites tunes by the amazing Tracy Chapman. 

It's time to open the messages. Brewing coffee laced with...coffee. I may need references. I'd appreciate it so much if one of you could vouch for my sanity and impeccable taste in men 

then all will be well in the palace again.
Thirty-two messages and a hat full of crazy town...This does not bode well.

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Monday Mimisms ~ Meme Madness

Sometimes I like to step away from my serious side and kick up a little silliness. Let's start with a new meme in the blogosphere called Monday Madness. Aren't we all feeling just a tad bit insane these days?  Click here to play along!

1. You are at a party in a very bad mood. There is an obnoxious guest with a camera snapping pictures of everyone in sight. Do you allow the photographs or ask them to stop?

I am the photographer. I've been thrown out of more than one store for doing just that. 

I have learned my lesson. Read the sad tale here.

2. You are on your way to a formal affair and running late. You are the guest speaker at this event and everyone is waiting for you. A police officer pulls you over for speeding. Do you make up a wild excuse or truthfully tell him where you are going and try to talk your way out of the citation? Tell us your tall tale!

**batting big brown eyes** "Officer, I beg your pardon. I'm on my way to speak at the International Society of Law Enforcement Bloggers convention. They told me to bring my camera and....."Oh, so YOU'RE the crazy bookstore lady with the camera. Go on your way. There's a room full of handcuffs waiting..."

The truth will not set you free. 

3. When you drive down memory lane for the last two years of your life and look in the rear-view mirror, do you see a happy journey or a bumpy ride?

I see moments of happiness, but overall more stress than tranquility.  This is not how life should be. This is NOT OK.  I'm working on that. How? By not "working" at happiness. By learning to BE. By surrendering more often and being fully present in the moment. Just BE. Just BE! Just BE!! The only fully alive place is the here and now. 

4.  Who makes you laugh when no one else can?

       I laugh and then I get mad because he made me laugh. I wanted to wallow. Damn him! 

5. What are your superpowers?   Twirling my hair  

6. What is the last thing you memorized?  A license plate number. Don't ask.

7. Tell us something you once took that you wish you could give back?

That bookstore picture

8. The iPhone just gave birth to the next generation of phones. What would you name them? 

      The iLOVEATTENTIONGENERATION

9.  How much mystery should be in a relationship? Is it a good thing or not?

    Keep the mystery, keep the spark

10. What is your weekend blogging routine? 

      I didn't have one until recently. I like being in that groove again. Happy Monday!

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Black Widows and Trouble

Today we are participating in a Sunday Stealing meme.Join in.

01 What is the worst nickname that anyone has ever called you? It only takes one episode or mistake to forever be known for that one incident. One Christmas I made a new recipe called Peanut Butter Pork Chops for a family gathering. It was SO bad that I was teased about it forever and a day. Ha ha ha ha ha..... Thereafter, when I would arrive for Christmas or Thanksgiving dinner carrying homemade dishes, my dad would always say,  "Here comes Blanche!" as I walked through the door.  Why Blanche?   Blanche is the name of a woman who is still on death row  for poisoning her boyfriends and husbands with tainted homemade goods in the 1990s. She was known as the Black Widow Killer.  I was known as the daughter who couldn't cook.


02  Have you got a favorite flower? Ohhhh....you said......

03  Do you add a sauce, ketchup or other artificial flavorings to your food?
No. Ketchup ruins everything but french fries.

04 Describe yourself using only words that begin with the letter 'T'.  

05 What is/was your lover's pet name for you Mims
06 What is your least favorite color? I really hate orange.
07 Who did you vote for in the last election, and did they win? I really hate orange.
08 What is/was your grandfathers’ names? Not his name but...I recently discovered that Benjamin Franklin lives in our family tree.
09 What is the best present you ever received? A CD full of love songs Thoughtful gifts from the heart are well remembered.
10 What is 17 1/2% of 97 + 42 x (6 / 2) – 137 ? Is this the SAT???? I'll ask Homer. If he doesn't know how to answer in Common Core fashion (who over 50 does??!) then I'll wait for all your answers and hope you ciphered correctly. Or we could just ask The Wizard....

11 What would be the best possible way you could live? A cabin in the mountains on 100 acres of land. I wouldn't even need electricity.  Just tree oxygen, pens and paper....

12 Given the choice of absolutely anything, what would be your dream job?  I just retired. But my goal is to renew... not retire.  Now I finally have room to dream.

13 What position do you sleep in at night?

HOMER!!! Who let that dog in here??

14 What is the most embarrassing thing that has ever happened to you? Homer
15 Who is your favorite fictional character? Mimi Queen of Memes

16  What food do you hate most in the world? Mussels
17  When was the last time you were ill? I was "ill" as in bad-tempered last night. 

18  If you were transformed into a wild creature,  what would it be? I could still curl my hair....

19  What was your favorite toy as a child, and whatever happened to it? I had a two-story metal dollhouse that I loved. In recent years (according to my mother) my sister insisted that it belonged to her instead of me. Who owned the dollhouse wasn't as important to me as making peace with my sister. If she felt it was important to her childhood memories, I wanted her to have it. I took it out of my mother's attic, contacted my sister and told her to look for a package.  I dropped it off and left without a word. I'm still hoping for that peace. 
20  What's the most amazing thing you've ever seen? The world is amazing. Nature is amazing. Humans are amazing.  Sunsets are amazing. Love is amazing.



Time for rest. Thank you Bev Sykes and the blog known as Sunday Stealing for this interesting meme.
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Sunday Stealing ~ Turtles and Snow Cream

It's the new year and I think I'll do a new thing that's not new at ALL.  A meme! That's right. A meme. Played by Mimi, Queen of Bloggingham, Queen of Peace Globes, and Queen of Memes.

Sunday Stealing stolen from The Queen's Meme (The nerve!!) #67 The Strange January Meme        **dusting off my meme crown**

1. January usually has ample amounts of snowfall in parts of the world. Did you ever make snow cream as a kid?

Yes, we always made snow cream. But not in the cow pasture.

2. January is one of the months with 31 days. What are you going to do with that extra day? 

Ask me on January 30th. 

I'll let you know if I've finished my to-do list.

3.  What is your favorite magazine?

      My mother started sending me magazine subscriptions years ago (even though she denied it was her...)  She died months ago and they keep coming! So, they're all my favorite now...simply because she sent them. There must be something she wants me to read.

4.  If you live to be 99 years old, what would you like your life to be like in that last decade??

I want to be in love with my last and final love. Dancing in the palace and cooking non-healthy recipes. Maybe I'll finally take up smoking and try to look glamorous. 

5. The great world of Wikipedia tells me that scientists claim 99% of all documented species are extinct. Which remaining species in the 1% category would you really like to see extinct.  And which species in the 99% category would you like to bring back?

I would not miss unkind modern Homo 

sapiens. Just be nice.

   Oh, and I never want to see another actual live mouse for the rest of my life.  

THEN I would bring back all 99% of snake varieties to EAT that one pesky 1% of mice that might have escaped. Including Mickey!

6. On January 14, 1986 motorists were required for the first time to wear seat belts?  Do you always buckle up? Why or why not?

While I don't like the government mandating ANYthing about my personal decision-making, this is a good law. I buckle. Because it's safer (most of the time) and I don't want a ticket.

7. Why did the cow jump over the moon?

     To get to the snow cream in the yard

9. Have you said anything in the last 24 hours that you regret?

I've barely said ten words all day. Let me see....nope.

O Meme Queen, you didn't ask what we were THINKING that might be regrettable. Guilty!

10. Have you ever written anything on your blog that you wish you could take back?  

 I paid too much attention to Internet nonsense once upon a time that warranted and deserved no response at all. So, yes...but only in the sense that a blog is not the place to share your silly tantrum. 

11. Are you the blabber or the blabbee? Tell us your most embarrassing blabbermouth moment.

The blabbee.  I was standing in the grocery store listening to a young man complain that his teacher had given him a bad grade. I was the teacher. 

12. How important is a cell phone in your life?

I wish not-so-much. I realized the other day that if you're carrying a handheld mini computer through the house with you all day, you're chained to the machine. 

 I want my landline back.

Mimi's phone from 1930

13. A "cuisine" is typically influenced by and named after geographical regions and cultures. Pretend your blog is a country. What is the name of your cuisine? 

BloggingHAM

14. You are the Blog Paparazzi! Which blogger's real photograph are you most interested in getting?

Most of the bloggers I knew when I first started this blog in 2006 are now on Facebook, Twitter or Instagram and I have their faces (or their cat's face) in my little black blogbook, or I've met them in person. All my friends are lovely and decent human beings.  But I'm not really interested in getting anyone's photograph if they want to stay private. 

I thought I was private all these years (notice half-face me) until my grandson peeked over my shoulder and said, "Mimi! What are you doing on the internet??!"   So much for mystery.

15. Are you always on time or just a tad late?

I am never on time. Then I realized it was a control thing and I needed to stop it. Some kind of subconscious rebellion made me want to slide in with 10 seconds to spare on the clock before work. Then I retired.

No more problems.

16. Can you think of a time when you were late for something and it was REALLY a big deal?

Thank goodness I wasn't still in this dress.

Yes. I was a professional church musician for a rather large church in the city and was paid each week to play the Sunday morning worship service. I overslept one Sunday morning, broke all traffic laws, and literally slid onto the piano bench while the entire congregation stood poised and ready to sing - with their hymnals open - waiting on me. Talk about timing!! 

17. If you were on your way to work and had five minutes to get there, would you stop in the road to rescue a crossing turtle?

No. I would stop and wait for the turtle to cross. I would snap a picture of it for evidence to show my boss. And I wouldn't even have to touch the turtle.

18. When you are having a really good day, what usually makes it good?   A good night's sleep the night before

19. What is the most annoying Christmas song?

       All of them. 

20. You are Snow White. Which dwarf is your favorite and why?  
 Bashful. I like to bring people out of their shells.

Just not turtles.

This was fun. Thank you Sunday Stealing for stealing my very own meme.
And good luck in the new year!