My Daddy Is Gone

Breathe in......Breathe out....
7:15 am October 27, 2009
When I step outside his room and close the door, it is just like he is still here and I am a teenager trying to sneak past the famous snore ......which always assured me I had time to make it back to my room without getting caught. Somehow this morning I am still in our house and he is still here and I am safe in my bed across the hall in this makeshift room.

So I will do now what I always did then.
A journal. A flashlight. A pen.



7:20 am Today is not a good day to be in a coma Daddy..... Mimi wants to write.

They say hearing is the last sense to go. He could always hear my pen on the paper - even through a closed door.


But I would risk days of being grounded in my room with nothing but bread and water said she in her melodramatic teenage way if it would bring you back to me. Wanna know a secret? Solitude was never my punishment. It gave me pause to splatter my angst on papyrus sheets under lock and key stuffed under a pillow with only the sound.....the sound...the sound...



In. Out. Breathing. Breathe. In.
So if you don't mind - and if I'm not being too grownup - I'd really like to make a rumble of a mess out here on the other side of this door 'cause we all hear that famous snore halfway to Liverpool and who can sleep with a sound like....

In.....Out....Breathe....Breathe....Out....Please Daddy Breathe....
7:25 am
Somewhere today if you let go of my hand and fly far far far away into a sea of fireflies spiraling in a well-lit park, know that it's OK and that I am fine.

You can go.

I mean, Daddy, really....I am fine.

And after all, it's time for you to teach some other pigtailed girl to step on a feed sack of sand and catch fly balls in the cool night air. Why do my feet feel like I'm running through molasses?
Breathe in. Breathe out..... So when you take your virgin flight and hear someone at the door rustling the paper and the pen...........

don't look back

know that it's me flying with you, not you flying away, or me watchin' you leave

but two on a journey we've never flown before

I know in a moment like this I should say 'Rest well'.
But that is not what I want you to do.
No.

I want you to fly headlong into some peaceful beautiful sky with your arms wide open full of base runs and golden apples

and me
I'll be here.
Just outside the door

The moon is full
Run the bases, Daddy.
Run the bases

November 26, 1933 - October 27, 2009

My daddy

He brought me into this world

and allowed me the tender honor this morning of ushering him out

Thank you for your prayers, your hugs, your love, your kindnesses, your support these last thirty days while I helped him make his journey home. His passing taught me more than I can begin to retell at the moment. But I will. Tonight the rain is pouring buckets of gratitude, grace, and visions of lessons learned at my father's bed.

From The Great Book of Starr Ann

What do peace blogger say? Hear their cry. One voice at a time.

"As for my own thoughts on Peace this day? I'm trying to reconcile the hope in my heart over President Obama's election with my despair over the plight of those who won't make it to see whether he lives up to our incredibly high expectations - new refugees in the Congo who aren't going to make it, American troops who are yet to be killed, all the species that aren't going to make it - the list could go on far longer than we have time for here.

Starr Ann and I will keep reminding ourselves of the Osiris myth - the one where the main goal in life is to make it through with a light heart - and in that spirit, we'll allow our souls to soak up the peace while scanning the horizon for ways to spread the joy around."

So sayeth Margo Moon at The Starr Ann Chronicles from peace globe #1352

What will YOU say?

Join us !

9 days and counting....

November 5, 2009 The Peace Globe Gallery

**Thank you for the continued prayers and support for my dad.**

Luggage Can Be Peaceful Too Ya Know

What do peace bloggers say? Hear their cry. One blog at a time.

"World peace... Folks, work on creating peace in your homes, in your circle of friends, in your relationship with your mate. Small gestures have great impact...Be honest, respectful, because "peace is every step.... "

So sayeth a girl and her luggage from the great land of Canada....and someone who is my most excellent friend. The blog is Transition (formerly known as Anndi's Luggage).

The girl is a peace globe worker bee. The message is faithful and true.

What will you say?
Join us November 5, 2009
November 5, 2009 The Peace Globe Gallery

Let It Begin With Me

What do peace bloggers say? Hear their cry. One voice at a time.
"And many decades later, I wonder if everyone were to think of the words in that simple hymn, say them over and over again and then, try to practice doing just that by recognizing the equality that should be present between all races, all cultures, male, female, if by remembering and doing that, we might -just possibly -bring about an end to all the conflict that exists........
Worth a try isn't it if it might, just might, resolve, bit by bit, a small conflict here, a little larger one there and on and on it could go but only if we each resolve to give it a try.

I'm willing. Are you?"
So sayeth Jennifer Ertmer at Down River Drivel in Grassflat, PA - November 2008 Peace globe #1327

Then along came Mary from Ontario, Canada (Mary's Writing Nook globe #1347) writing her own incredible post
and commenting on Jennifer's post,

"Too many try to love with clenched fists."

and the circle of peace keeps going.


What will YOU say?

Join us November 5, 2009

The Peace Globe Gallery

**Thank you for continuing to pray for my dad and our family. I do feel your support.**

Mickey and Jamie Nudging Peace

What do peace bloggers say? Hear their cry. One voice at a time.

"Words are innocent. If you get the right ones in the right order, you can nudge the world a little: Say "Peace"

So sayeth Jamie who writes Durward Discussion and Take This Tune in Washington in a comment on Mickey's Musings in Nova Scotia, Canada last November. I like it!
What will YOU say?

Join us November 5, 2009

The Peace Globe Gallery

Ripples of Peace from Suffolk

What do peace bloggers say? Hear their cry. One voice at a time.

"My one small voice may not be able to stop the wars around the world...but if it will make you stop and think and prevent one petty squabble...who knows...maybe like a pebble dropped into a lake...the ripples of peace will spread."

So sayeth From Ruth who writes Me, My Life, My Garden in Great Cornard, Suffolk, United Kingdom ~ No
November 2008 ~ Peace Globe #1318

What will YOU say?
Join us November 5, 2009

November 5, 2009 The Peace Globe Gallery

Montenegro Weighs In On The Power of Peace

What do peace bloggers say? Hear their cry. One voice at a time.
"I live in a country right now that endured a sanction. A country that had nothing to do with the conflicts. While the trouble-makers were a small rebel group, the rest of the world believed it was the entire government and the ordinary citizen who were behind 'atrocities'.

A country where the ordinary people had to line up for bread and oil, and those things were only available on certain days. Where there were no jobs, little hope, and nights were passed watching cross-fire in the distance. For what? For some Big Shots to line their pockets in a faraway land. War is big bucks, to the Big Shots."
So sayeth From Holistic Mama ~ Montenegro ~ November 2008 - the first peace blogger from that country - Peace globe #1300
What will you say? Join us November 5, 2009
The Peace Globe Gallery

Global Thinking of A Gigantic Kind

What do peace bloggers say? Hear their cry. One blog at a time.

"We cannot control those who make the decisions about war or absence of war. We cannot control the troubled minds that seek out conflict or violence against others or themselves. We cannot control each and every motive and decision that affects our world.

What we can control is the way we think. What we think has very real effect. What we think is more important than policy, regulation, deregulation, the price of oil, wallstreet, mainstreet or the next Saturday Night Live skit.

The way we think in our own lives changes everything for us and for everyone who comes in contact with us and this is true of us as a nation, a global village, and as a planet.

If we could train our minds to truly see peace, we would have it. Not in a "poof, there's peace" way but I think it would be in measurable, visible ways for those with an eye to see them.

It's powerful. It cannot fail. If we do this together, the Universe will make it happen. I promise."

So sayeth Lisa Plummer from Groggy Froggy in Roanoke, Virginia peace globe #1295.What will you say?

Join us November 5th
**Please continue to pray for my dad. And thank you for all the emails and cards that are really lifting my spirits.

Giving Voice To The Passion of Peace

What do peace bloggers say? Hear their cry. One blog at a time.
"I try to live peace on a daily basis. I don't always succeed. Sometimes I let anger and frustration rule. Peace is far more productive. And, I sleep better than my enemies do."

So sayeth Quilly from Honolulu, Hawaii in a comment to Maremagnum who resides in Spain.

What will you say?

Join us November 5th

How To Get Your Peace Globe ~ BlogBlast For Peace 2009

**Next BlogBlast4Peace NOV 4, 2014.**

Go to Mimi Writes or BlogBlast For Peace for all the information you need to participate.

Like our Facebook page. There are thousands blogging for peace there each day.
The Peace Globe Gallery  
Now on with what happened in 2009...

Welcome to BlogBlast For Peace Day 2009. Please sign HERE on today's post and below as well if you wish. Have a wonderful day reading peace on the Internet.

November 5, 2009
Bloggers from all across the globe
will blog for peace.
We will speak with one voice.
One subject.
One day.

How To Get Your Peace Globe
Here's how to do it in 4 easy steps!

1. Choose one of the Peace Globe designs shown below. Right CLICK and SAVE in JPG format.
2.  Sign the globe using Paint, Photoshop or a similar graphics tool. Decorate the globe anyway you wish. You can even include the name of your blog. Click here for hundreds thousands of inspiring examples from previous BlogBlasts. If you don't feel comfortable with design, simply use any that you see on this page or write me. We have worker bees standing by to make peace globes for you!
3.  Return the peace globe to me via email ~ blogblastforpeace at yahoo.com and sign the Mr. Linky below. Leave a comment and your blog's name and url in the Mr. Linky. Your submission will be numbered and dated in the official gallery . Your globe and post will be listed on the Official BlogBlast For Peace website .
4. On November 5, 2009 DISPLAY YOUR GLOBE IN A POST on your blog OR POST IT ON YOUR FACEBOOK PAGE or WALL. Title your post "Dona Nobis Pacem" - Latin for "Grant Us Peace". This is important. The goal is for all blog post titles to say the same thing on the same day. Write about peace that day or simply fly your globe. Click here for examples of peace globe posts from previous BlogBlasts. If you'd like to read about the history of this movement, go here.
   

My 2009 Peace Post in honor of my father ~ Dona Nobis Pacem: The Bargain

Our FACEBOOK group
Our TWITTER group

Other Related Links: Why BlogBlast is now ANNUALLY instead of twice a year A Call To Send Our Peace Globes To The White House Thirty Days Thirty Reasons To Blog For Peace
Blue Whales and Bubbles Sharing My Heart The Official Site of BlogBlast For Peace The Peace Globe Gallery Happy Birthday, John Lennon Voices from Iowa Peace Globes Came Calling ~ On Television? Monday Mimisms ~ Why? What Have You Heard? Wild Peace I Do Not Intend to Sleepwalk ~ Remembering 9/11
Shadows On a Stone ~ Voices of Our Time (my November 6, 2008 peace post) The Silence of Peace (#1 Nov 2006) Dona Nobis Pacem (#2 June 2007) The Doll Box (#3 Nov 2007) A Revolution of Words ~ Changing Queen In An Upside World (#4 June 2008)

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All rights reserved.

Monday Mimisms ~ You see, there were these bees....

....and before I knew it, they were a'flittin' and a'flying around the internet dropping ripples like sweet dripping honey on a sweetness starved day.

Where did they come from?
Glad you asked.

Once upon a time in a faraway right here on this blog universe, there was a very tired Queen. Ahem. That would be moi.

She was busy tending to personal matters of an extremely painful kind. Her father was very sick, still is very sick, and the Queen was overwhelmed...with worry and to-do lists and angst and not enough hours in the day to brush her hair much less wage a peace campaign. But that's not what this is about really. And this where the Queen steps out of her third-person-3 dimensional- Internet self and speaks from her heart. That would be now. Ahem.

Has there ever been a time in your life when it was so full of hurricane force winds that the days start to run together? You can't tell day from night? You forget what day it is? My life for the past 22 days has been like that. I've been sitting with my dad at every possible moment as he fights with his liver and his heart in a Palliative Care unit not so far away. He is still very sick and will most likely be moved to a Hospice facility soon. My sister and my mother have also been there. It has been and continues to be one of the most sobering and painful times in my life....watching him slip away and try with all his might to stay.....reversing the roles....his pain, his struggles, learning about end-of-life stages of a disease....and becoming a parent at times to the man who raised me.



This was and is my view from the third floor.

Had it not been for a certain group of blogger friends - and I do mean friends - I'm not sure I'd even be posting this tonight. But I had to take a moment to do so. It would not be like them to want credit, to ask to be named or to seek glory or praise for themselves, in fact, they might just be embarrassed. I am not. I am honored and humbled at the lengths to which they've gone to keep me surrounded with concern, laughter, advice, prayers, offering open safe spaces for venting, phone calls to and from them at all hours of the day and night came my way and continue to.. At one point there were over 300 emails in one day within the group (!) and when it was impossible for me to respond I'd always read what they were saying as I wandered the halls to the cafeteria or sat while Daddy slept, while I tried to keep working and singing and carrying on running on empty and full of adrenaline. They cracked me up. They made me cry. They were - and are - my net...........so Vinny and Nancy, Travis and Pam, Julie, Katherine, Starr, Desert Songbird, Anndi and Dawn.....you're busted.

My heart and mind has not been on blogging, my posts have been sparse. They knew how much the loss of that connection, especially at this time, would bother me. They started an email thread to make it easier for me to keep in contact with all of them about my dad. This little group, in addition to so many of you who've emailed regularly offering comfort and hugs - literally has become my lifeline.

I will post the details of some of my shenanigans later when things calm down and how some of you played a major role in them at a later date (I'm talking to you, Julie) -like the cute security guard caper in the House of Death or the night I spent in the emergency room downstairs from daddy in the same hospital with a half-crazed man on a stretcher (don't ask) and really, do you want to hear that the Queen cussed in the hospital Chapel?
I didn't think so.

But back to the Bees and me.
I had a Blackberry. I had a laptop.
They had a plan.

Just when I was about to break out in hives - literally - they started a hive.
Literally. Vinny had a brainstorm and it was all a buzz from the get-go. There is no stopping them, I tell ya. Remember how every year the CAT BLOSOPHERE is a force to be reckoned with? (and still is...I bow to the kitties) Now we have winged bees!
I know they love me and I love them. We've been through a lot of "stuff" together. I also know they love peace globes. Many of them met through the movement way back in 2006 (that's a loooong time ago in blog years) and are fiercely passionate about it. We've grown together as a group of bloggers with a common purpose and some sort of magical thing that gets hold of all of us this time of year. I can't explain it. They can't explain it. But the first week of November is nothing short of inspiring. And that is because of all of YOU.

The globes spin, the world speaks, the tears flow, and every year the posts I read become more powerful. And although the Universe has thrown a huge challenge my way this year, I have a solid inclination in my heart-of-hearts that this year is going to inspire all of us in ways we never expected. For my dad I want peace.....in whatever form that takes. I am ready for him to be at peace and out of pain. That has taken some internal work - work I couldn't have accomplished without the time I needed to back away from the blog a bit - permission granted by the Worker Bees en force.

They said it was OK for me to let go.....in more ways than one.
I don't know all of what they've planned in that Beehive of theirs (I've been politely told to BUTT OUT and GET SOME REST) but I know that today they're planning to launch a massive meme offensive sometime around midnight Blogosphere Standard Time.
I am quite sure the United Nations missile defense system is not as well-organized, from what I hear through the brapevine.

Don't be surprised if Google goes down today. It could happen.


Sidebar: No, you are not hallucinating. There is an ocean in the hospital...and it makes wavy sounds. Baby Boy loves it!

I have had some downtime and rest today. It's been good to focus on the Facebook peace project and simple household chores for a change. The upcoming week promises to be difficult. I am still tending to my precious dad, making decisions about work and his placement, and feeling the stress of the time crunch of this launch.....but not nearly as much as I did before the bees showed up.

I'm quite sure that tomorrow's thread convo will be back to "Why did they give him this medicine NOW??" and "Why can't I find a decent cup of coffee in the whole hospital??" and "PUHLEASE somebody keep me from having a meltdown right here and now." ....to which I will either receive a "Snap out of it, Mimi! Don't make me come over there" from Starr, a virtual hug from Nancy, a prayerful tune from Songbird, a poem from Travis, an across-the-border Canadian phone call from Anndi, a stern "Drink your water, Dear" from Vinny, marvelous sage advice from Kat, a giggle from Julie or simply "Just checking. You're in my heart and my prayers today" from Dawn, who by the way, climbed a rock in the wilds of Newfoundland to wave at me and take a picture which she won't let me post. .....

To say "thank you" is totally inadequate and besides, I will admit, I still need them and depend on them. And YOU guys, my readers, just to know you are here and praying for my dad and the whole situation with comments and letters and chats to check in...how can I ever repay you? I've had to learn to lean on somebody else - all of you - and trust that it will work out.

I now understand that's OK. That's what they expect. That is what they do. It's in the Worker Bee Manual or something.

I must do my part and let the bees buzz.
Hands off the Beehive.


So if you see this Worker Bee thing buzzing through the sphere, consider offering them a hand if you feel so inclined and know this: It was not borne of minutiae, cuteness, boredom, or trivial fodder ran amok; but of concern for someone who needed help, of friendship, and a commitment to a common passion known as Peace Globes.



When one fell down - that would be moi - a whole hive came to my rescue.

It's not likely I'll ever forget it.

Join The Revolution ~ BlogBlast For Peace

From my Thirty Days Thirty Reasons series written in 2008 War and Peace. Sadly still relevant.

Need a reason to fly a peace globe? Here are thirty good ones.

Reason #1 Sri Lanka

Reason #2 Darfur 

Reason #3 Iraq

Reason #4 Pakistan

Reason #5 Ogaden

Reason #6 Burma/Myanmar

Reason #7 Colombia

Reason #8 Israeli-Palestinian Conflict

Reason #9 The Philippines

Reason #10 Laos and The Hmong

Reason #11 Afghanistan

Reason #12 Peruvian Conflict

Reason #13 Turkey and The Kurds

Reason #14 Papua Freedom Movement

Reason #15 Ugandan Civil War

Reason #16 Somalia

Reason #17 Kashmir

Reason #18 Senegal

Reason #19 The Niger Delta

Reason #20 Nagaland

Reason #21 Chechnya

Reason #22 Insurgency In the Maghred

Reason #23 Kivu in Africa

Reason #24 South Thailand

Reason #25 Civil War In Chad

Reason #26 Mexican Drug War

Reason #27 Georgia and The Russian Federation ~ The South Ossetia War

Reason #28 Iran

Need I say more?

Reason #29 Nuclear weapons

Reason #30 September 11, 2001 and the War on Terror

(I am currently researching the last 3)

Come on. Join the Revolution.

November 4, 2010
BlogBlast For Peace

If I believe that words are powerful, then this matters.

Monday Mimisms ~ Two Kinds of Peace on My Mind

The peace that passes all understanding when someone you love is sick.....

Peace for the body
Peace for the soul
Peace for the mind
Peace for the heart
Peace for eternity

My heart is also with the peace globes and all of you. Spread the word. We're about to make a large large noise in this thing called the blogosphere and all over the internet. Can our words, our thoughts, our ideals, our integrity and intent shatter walls of injustice and hate?

Be part of the peace on November 5th.I already feel the rumble.

Sitting Vigil with Daddy

Update Thursday morning 10/8/09:We are still at the hospital. That is most likely where we will remain. It was a bad night. I am staying with him most of the time. I have some stories to tell... but not now.

I took this picture of a rainbow after the rain last week. Rainbows symbolize promise. Today all I can promise him is love and peace - those two things I know for sure.

Thanks for your prayers. I wanted to keep you up to date. I know the peace globes are spinning. I will be back to tend to them as soon as I can. This year more than ever for me, the word peace has eternal significance.
What does it mean to you?

Update Sunday 10/4/09
Thank you all...
For your prayers, emails, text messages, phone calls, support and love. He has had a difficult week with many ups and downs. My Dad went from Palliative Care to a place that just didn't suit his needs and is now back in the hospital trying to gain some strength. This morning he is feeling better and asking for more bananas. (lol) I'm telling you...the Comeback Kid is amazing. We are bringing him home tomorrow with Advanced Home Health Care, a hospital bed, day/night sitter (hopefully) and whatever he needs.

Now we have to make some difficult decisions, and more importantly, the right ones.

I hope to get back on the blog next week and do more visiting with you and of course, promoting peace globes. I apologize to my meme players last week on The Queen's Meme. I didn't have time to do it myself or even read yours but I promise I will. I have been with him much of the time with the help of my wonderful sister..... spending nights at the hospital, feeding him, driving back and forth, learning a LOT I never wanted to know frankly and just being with him. We are a tag team and I even learned how to face the dreaded needles without screaming (see below).

And you have been here too.
Travis of Trav's Thoughts and newlywed Vinny/Bond of The Big Leather Couch have written posts and sent out a call for peace globes on their blogs. They know this is push time for me with the launch and are keeping the peace spinning while I tend to this. They have asked bloggers to post a short snippet each day for the next 30 days 'til BlogBlast for Peace on November 5th.
I don't know what else they have planned but I trust them completely. Their efforts
really touched my heart. You have no idea what it meant to me when I read what they'd done. I've been worried about losing momentum with peace globes and feeling completely overwhelmed. Please thank them. It just proves once again what an amazingly kind group of people you are and how we are demonstrating a sense of community and unity - a perfect personification of the movement itself.

I hope to get my blog legs back soon. I need a tad bit of sleep you see.
I will see you a little later this week when I can settle in a bit and breathe. You will never know what it means to know you're here. Please continue to pray for wisdom and strength and send those positive vibes. We do feel them.

Love to all of you,
Mimi


And This Is Why I Love My Dad
Monday Mimisms: Monday September 28, 2009
So this weekend on Saturday evening my dad was taken to the hospital. His potassium levels were almost non-existent and ammonia levels too high. He needed some serious assistance.
Back we go to the land of IV drips and finger sticks in the middle of the night. When I arrived it was obvious he'd had a bad night. A very bad night.
He was exhausted. He hadn't eaten hardly anything in several days and as much as you all know who've been reading about him that he is the ultimate Comeback Kid time and time again, this time I wasn't so sure. When you hear phrases like Palliative Care floating around, it's time to look at things maybe a little more realistically whether I want to or not.

My sister and I are polar opposites. She is the nurse. I am the frady-cat. Time for insulin shot? Mimi needs to excuse herself. Time for IV changing? Mimi suddenly needs a Coke from the machine down the hall. I don't make excuses anymore. They just roll their eyes and I leave. But I always come back with something like, "Wow, that really hurt me, Daddy. Do you think you could stop with all the stuff that's causing me so much grief!! I can't stand all these needles!"
More rolling of the eyes.
But today he vacillated between the land of the lucid and the land of the loony. Both broke my heart.
And made me laugh.

"Daddy, do you know where you are?"

"Home."

"Where?"

"HOME."

Glad to clear that up. Moving right along.

Then it was time for my sister and I to tag team him with the lunch tray.
He needed to eat.



Let me just make this clear: If there are no pinto beans in Heaven, he ain't going. And praise be we had two trays. One with chicken (he won't touch chicken) and one with fish (he likes fish).

Sister Nurse decided to use the shovel-in approach sans the airplane sound - 'cause after all, he's 75 and he could probably still send us to our rooms if he wanted. But today we are in HIS room and he is stuck with us. Like it or not.







"OK, Daddy. Don't you want some pinto beans? They look so good."


To our surprise he said,

"I reckon. Don't run 'em in too fast."


He ate every last bean on two plates with vinegar on top. He usually likes mayonnaise on them but I digress. You don't want to know what he eats on peanut butter. Anyway, then we convinced him to eat the cabbage and we didn't have to water board him or anything. It was a tough assignment but since there were no needles involved I could handle it. And then he asked for jello. I go down to the nurse's station and fetch the precious gelatin. I'm such a wannabe nurse. But before I leave I notice that there is a patty of glorious flounder still left untouched on his plate.


"I really wish you would eat that fish, Daddy. It's good for your brain ya know."

(Am I good or what??)

"My brain don't need no help," he said.

Wise guy.



He slept like a baby the rest of the afternoon and I only had to leave the room once. I stayed while they took his blood pressure. This is progress.


When the nurse returned to wake up him up to see if he was asleep, she noticed the second tray with the uneaten chicken breast.
"Why, Mr. S, won't you eat chicken?"

His eyes got huge and he looked at her like she'd lost her mind.
He raised up in the bed and yelled, "Cause it's foul!!"


Nope. He doesn't need any brain food.
More bananas maybe.
But no brain food.