Mimi Writes.......: February 2009

Friday, February 27, 2009

Liar! Liar! Boots On Fire!

Saturday 9: Liar, Liar

1. What is the last "white" lie that you told?

I was chatting with an ex-boyfriend online - the second guy I semi-seriously dated after my divorce. We had a lot of ~~heart-pounding breathless~~ chemistry but in the long run, that's all we had. After we broke up, he quickly married someone else and divorced AGAIN. (That's me: She-Who-Sends-Men-Screaming-Into-Matrimony-Or-Insane-Asylums, but I digress). So, we're reminiscing about the good ole' days when we didn't know any better and our single lives hadn't gotten complicated yet, he hadn't married the wrong person yet AGAIN and we were just starting out in the land of mid-life dating. Anyway, he suddenly went tres nostalgic and I told him that our first date was the best first date I ever had. (something about boots and zippers and sleeping children upstairs made it all so tantalizing...but I digress). It was not true. But he wanted to trip down memory lane with my brown suede zip ups, his love life was in the latrine AGAIN and I didn't see the need to rearrange history. It WAS a great first date but not the best. Brace yourself for a rambling confession ~~damn Baptist upbringing~~: When it was happening it WAS the best first date I ever had at the time (doesn't that count?) but then along came other dates with other people that were way and above the boot date night because I ended up falling in love with the REAL best-first-date-person and alas, it wasn't him, so I tenderly white-lied him.......sort of......didn't I?

Justification is my forte.
Next question!

2. Can you forgive a liar?

Depends on how fast (or slowly) he unzips my boots.

3. Do you tend to exaggerate or underestimate?

Hmmm..........intriguing question, Sam.
But really. I never underestimate the power of 3-inch heels and a pencil skirt memory.
Exaggerations are not needed.

4. Do you hold a grudge?

Time out for a serious answer:
No. When I forgive, I forgive.

5. What's the biggest lie you've ever told?

Truth be told, it was last night.
Again.
The guy in the other window said, "You have my undivided attention little cutie"....I felt so guilty that I was talking to boot-date-guy at the same time that I lost all track of common decency and told him he had mine as well. Well?? What else was I supposed to do?
Introduce them?!

I should never try to multi-task men.

6. Are there times that you feel that it is okay to lie?

Apparently so!

7. Did you ever end a relationship because of lies?

No. I've terminated "dating someone" because of lies (ie: oh! you accidentally sent your other girlfriend's email to ME by mistake. Shame on you!) - but never a relationship.

Email queenoffools @ yahoo.com for further details.
Only serious busybodies need apply.

8. Do you think you can tell when someone is lying to you?

Look me in the eyes again and ask that question, Dear Meme. I'm recovering from a wicked migraine and my royal focus is a tad off center. Things were so much easier before I became a transparently naive BlogQueen.

9. Have you been caught lying?

Not unless I got those two chat windows mixed up last night....

I am so going to hell.

Thursday, February 26, 2009

Migraine Me-Me

This picture depicts the zig-zag visual disturbances that occur during a migraine aura. In real time these slivers and spots bounce in front of your eyes at a rapid rate causing nausea and a sickening foreshadowing of the pain that often follows. Mine look like ghostly black spots at times that float and flit and make me squint. I know my triggers - MSG, stress, perfumes, raw onions, red wine, spicy food, no sleep, forgetting to eat, fluorescent light, temperature changes etc etc - but sometimes it sneaks up and I can't get to the medicine cabinet fast enough or I'm at work.

A quick drink of caffeine will often delay the real migraine until the Duradrin kicks in but lately these dastardly demons have danced non-stop just behind my eyes and refuse to go away. Just when I think it's going away it comes back.
The aura wants to taunt me. Chasing it away is exhausting. Ugh.

So I'll be sitting with a hot rag on my forehead (that's so attractive) wearing dark sunglasses
and drinking hot tea while Homer howls.
He's miffed that he didn't win a Bl-Oscar. I really wish he would shut up.
He's getting on my last bl-erve.

Signed,
Mimi Grumpy

Copyright © 2006-2009 Mimi Lenox. All Rights Reserved.

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

No Big Deal. It's Just The Bl-Oscars.....

The Bl-Oscars??! What on earth will I wear? OK. I have collected myself. Deep breathing....carrying on....

Once upon a time in the world of blogland, I won my first Bl-Osc ar
for Best Love Story (Female). My boyfriend at the time won Best Love Story (Male). It was a happy moment.
I was just a wee blog then but blessed with marvelous friends. And those among them I count dearest is Sanni from Germany. We have been blogging together nearly three years now. An enthusiastic supporter of Dona Nobis Pacem in the blogosphere since its inception, she volunteered many hours designing original peace globes for bloggers all over the world. Even though she is a webmaster and graphics artist by trade, she did it all without charge. Many of you were recipients of her beautiful work.

Click on her image to read more about the life of this lovely German Frau.

Today she honors me with two Bl-Oscars. Can a girl get any luckier?

Blog Post of The Year for Dona Nobis Pacem: Shadows On A Stone ~ Voices of Our Time
November 6, 2008

and

Lifetime Achievement for Mimi Writes

I'm honored. Thank you so much.
Please click here to read her awards ceremony and find out more about the other bloggers who won.
Congratulations to all of them!
And now if you'll excuse me I need to write a smashing acceptance speech especially for the Lifetime award.
What will I do next?

Oh. Right.
We all know it ain't over 'til the peace globes fly.

Monday, February 23, 2009

Mimi In A Minute #7 ~ I Did Not Have Tic Tacs With That Woman!

These things keep me up at night. They give me a headache.
I just need sixty seconds of your time to unclog my pencil brain so that I can get some sleep.
Do you mind? I have a few things to say.

This is Mimi unplugged.
Hide your children.

Senator Roland Burris from trouble-laden Chicago:
Just stop talking. Please. Just. Stop. Talking.

To every inch of Ad space on the Internet: Jennifer Anniston is 40. We heard. ENOUGH! We know how old she is now. Oh. My. Lord. Can we just move on?

FACEBOOK and no privacy?
Bwahhahhhahah

That's news?

The nightly snooze news: If you don't stop telling us how bad the economy is we're all going to be forced to funnel our money into Dunkin' Donuts. At least we can see the hole our cash fell into.

Congress: Somebody bail Beyonce out of that dress.

To I-Knew-We-Weren't-Taking 'Tic-Tacs-A-Rod:

One more time. Did you, or did you not, have Tic Tacs in that box?

"But Mimi! I knew potentially it could be something that was wrong......I was 22/23 years old.
I was youn

g and stupid."

I say that every time I write a blog post. Now give me a Tic Tac and stop whining.

Tatiana:

The singing gods have spoken.

But if you're in the market for a dress - and it looks like you are - Beyonce has one you can borrow.

To the United States government's proposal to buy more of Citigroup:
If you want to stabilize the market, buy performance enhancing breath mints from Latin America.

A hearty thank you to the person who sent the email disguised as a Christian greeting card. Bless you for spreading the lovely virus clinging on for dear life. We've bonded. Hallelujah.

New American Idol Judge Cara Whatever:
Please stop screaming in the microphone.
It's so unattractive.

Senator Burris: But if you must go on......and on. Use this line. Repeat after me:
"I was 71 and stupid." (but don't scream)

Chris Brown:
I love your rhythm and blues.
I hate your black and blues.

Girlfriend Rhiannon:Stop dating Chris Brown or learn to duck.

Middle school students fighting and posting it on YouTube: Take the New York Post stance and call it a day - "To those who were offended by this image, we apologize."

And finally to the ......

who published the dead monkey cartoon which is too offensive to display here:
It was. It is. It will always be. Racist.

*******

Whew! I feel better. Thanks for listening.
Sixty seconds flew by. I think my blogsomnia is cured.
Lights out.

Tic Tac anyone?

Mimi In A Minute #1
Mimi In A Minute #2 Enough!
Mimi In A Minute #3 Hugh Hefner & The Brady Bunch
Mimi In A Minute # 4 ~ The Ethical Treatment of Ann Coulter and Lobsters
Mimi In A Minute #5 ~ The Lasagna That Died
Mimi In A Minute #6 ~ The Peanut Episode

Sunday, February 22, 2009

Monday Mimisms ~ Katy Never Was A Jackass To Me

Do you see that window to the left?
Katy lived there.

I grew up on a large family tract of land divided between siblings, uncles and aunts, grandparents, tobacco fields, barns....and well...even jackasses. When I looked out the living room picture window of my childhood home, this is what I saw: My great-uncle and aunt's home across the road (it was a road, not a street, trust me) a myriad of barns and tool sheds, large oak trees, persimmons, weeping willows, pecans and pines. A pump house, a cellar door straight out of the Wizard of Oz, a pack house, a meat-hanging building for hams and an assortment of tractor sheds. They were farmers after all. Behind their modest brick house was a large cornfield, to the left across the dirt road more tobacco fields, several 2-story tobacco barns, an outhouse (yes, I said an outhouse complete with Red Devil lye) and fences. Next door lived my great-grandmother and great-aunt and uncle.

Next door to them lived my dad's younger brother's family. Across the road from them lived his older brother, my aunt and two first cousins. Directly through the woods and across the field behind their house was the "old homeplace" of said great-grandmother, the fishing pond, more tobacco fields, a huge watermelon patch, a bean field, potato field (I so hated that part) and a long 2 mile long white-sanded driveway with pine trees on each side where I loved to ride my bike.

You might say I grew up in the country. I was literally surrounded by four generations of family.

And then there was Katy.
A splash of buttercup color on an otherwise dusty potato field life she was.

Katy and I had a love/hate relationship. I wanted to pet her all the time but doing so was NOT in my best interest. I never could figure out why my uncle had her in the first place. Yeah

sure....he used her to plow the garden a few times but really.... most of the time she just stuck her head out the little window and grazed on corn.
That is, unless she was talking to me.
Don't tell. But I fed her flowers.

Time and again I would sneak behind the house, approach the little stable and try to coax her out, only to hear "MIMI! If I've told you once I've told you a hundred times NOT to touch that mule. Get awaaayyy from the fence!"
Uncle Henry had no patience with me (he would not be the last man to admit to such) especially after my too-big-for-my-pencil-britches-self put the tractor gear in reverse and ran over his foot once upon a terrible time. One sunny day, Katy and I had too close of a munchy smooch and I lunged into the electric fence.

Ouch.
Katy was not amused. Neither was I.
I screamed. She turned around and went back inside.
Of course, she knew I'd be back.

That was many years ago. So, today, when I visited my parents, I decided to have one last chat with Katy..... Oh I know she's not there.

Is she?

You see, there was a strange wind blowing around the farm today. I didn't alter these photos. Do you see the swirling white wisp of a cloud in Katy's home? If I didn't know better, I'd think it was my favorite mule. And with good reason.

Yesterday, the firemen came and burned down my uncle and aunt's home in the middle of my 33 acre playground. They've long been gone and the property must sell. They call it progress. I call it hogwash.

And it made me terribly sad.

Nothing will ever really be the same.
The house is gone.

A house where I played endless hours of Sorry with my aunt and cousins, Pick Up Stix and Monopoly. Rook. Go Fish. Ate her wonderful cornbread and yummy cakes, drank iced tea and lemonade on the back porch each summer, got off the schoolbus in her driveway......played the antique organ when she'd let me. It was untouchable, like Katy, and although I knew she was peculiar, my aunt, I loved the order in her home, the smells, the sparkling cleanness, the flower bouquets.

Behind Aunt Evelyn's white picket fence was my favorite place to play. It was beautifully white and pristine. I imagined myself there today as I snapped this photo. Purple crocus popping up underneath it in the spring. Daffodils (I picked the remaining ones today) and amazingly tall gladiolas of every color that she carefully chose for church altar arrangements on Sunday mornings.

And Uncle Henry smelling of tobacco cure in the crisp fall air. It was a wonderful smell. He even took me with him to market one year. But nothing was right in the backyard today. I couldn't make it so. Everywhere I turned there was spooky silent smoke. And the pecan trees were weeping..... See how sad they look?

But I had to show you.

To prove to you - and to myself - that they all still exist.

Peculiar Aunt Evelyn who made you take a bath before you got in her clean bathtub, overbearing Uncle Henry's off-limits-to-children tool shed door still stands open. I think I see him watching out the window making sure I'm not leaning on that.....that......ouch!

Katy.

She liked daffodils.

BlogBlast For Peace ~ Coming To A Blog Near You

**Next BlogBlast4Peace NOV 4, 2014 .**

Welcome to BlogBlast For Peace - The Sixth Launch!
Dona Nobis Pacem in the blogosphere begins early this year with this promotional blurb. Think of it as a info-BLercial brought to you by Mimi Pencil Skirt, keeper of the blue globes and all things BlogBlasty. It is my hope that the months stretching before us until November will give us time to inspire new peace bloggers to join us. That's primarily why we are skipping our usual June launch - to spread this concept to a wider audience and blog this smarter.

To accomplish this, I'm going to boldly ask you to start early by.....

Step 1: We have to start by promoting, promoting, promoting. The best way to do that is to display a BlogBlast logo in the sidebar of your blogs and websites that links to a post where new bloggers can find a globe.

Please feel free to grab one and spread it around.
There is also a countdown clock in my sidebar for your use.

November 5, 2009

The Peace Globe Gallery

Step 2: Direct people to the Peace Globe Gallery
blogblastforpeace.com will take you straight to the gallery

Step 3: The peace globe movement has been added to FaceBook. It's awesome! In just one week, 341 people have joined. The viral nature of Facebook's premise can exponentially catapult this movement. If you have a Facebook account, please join the BlogBlast group/"cause" and invite, invite, invite. I have spent a lot of time this week learning the applications there. We can send hugs, drinks, tickles, and everything in between. Can we send peace globes too? We'll see. I discovered that FB users who are not bloggers can STILL post their peace globes at the top of their profile on November 5th. That is truly exciting. Here's the link if you're interested.

Please invite your FB friends. They will invite their friends and they will invite their friends. Direct people to this page to join.

Step 4: We have to get high profile bloggers with large audiences to join us. I hear over and over again each time we do a launch, "I wish I'd known about this before. I would have participated."
I need your help with this. Can you network this whenever you get the chance?

(*munchin' on Cheetos....*) If we had a corporate sponsor we could buy ads on Facebook and MySpace etc etc. but at this time, we do not. The guy who danced his way around the world on YouTube did it with tax-deductible sponsorship. Bloggers Unite and Blog Action Day (whose concept was based on BlogBlast For Peace btw) had massive participation in a relatively short amount of time because they had sponsorship AND high profile bloggers on board from the beginning. What am I doing? Working on all of the above and designing a YouTube video.
Got any other ideas?

If not, just throw Cheetos.
I'll be here.

New Globes here.
How To Get Your Peace Globe 2009.

Have a happy happy Sunday!

Saturday, February 21, 2009

Splashing In The Ocean

I threw a bottle in the bloggy ocean today.
This quote, by Thomas Lynch, has been on my mind lately.
Do you have something to say? Visit my site called
Message In A Bottle and toss a line to the Universe - sign your name or do it anonymously. Click below.

Have a wonderful weekend, my friends.
(P.S. I'll be back to deal with Homer and his shenanigans later....)

Thursday, February 19, 2009

A Message From Homer from the Queen

My Queen is AWOL.
She said to give you five reasons why she can't make a post tonight. She said to make 'em good if I know what's good for me. She said I'd better not hold up any of those funny signs behind her back either.

She said not to try to pull anything 'cause she'll find out when she gets back to this blog of hers. And if I tell people what she wears to bed or how long it takes to find her shoes in the morning that it'll be my last dog day on earth. She said I'd better thank my lucky blars (that's Blog + stars for all you....oh...I HATE it when she does that) that I live with royalty and not in the local blog pound.

FINALLY! I get a chance to speak.

I hate her. If you had to live with her you'd hate her too. She's soooo annoying.
She makes me sleep on the floor!

But seein's how it's rainy and windy tonight and I despise the dungeon on spooky nights, I'd better do as she asked. Last time I blabbed about the curlers she threw me in the moat and I can't swim.
Lucky for me I had my cellphone with me.

These are the reasons ~~Miss Priss~~ my Queen isn't blogging tonight.
You have to guess which one is true.
(I'm going to order a pizza......brb)

A. She is otherwise occupied.
B. She is tied up in the dungeon.
C. She is busy GOOGLING
D. She's getting ready for a performance.

E. The muse showed and she obeyed.
1. American Idol asked her to be the 5th judge.
2.It's been a long week and she's too tired to blog.
3. All of the above.
4. None of the above.
5. Some of the above.
I. Oh who cares

I lied through my teeth.
I really love my Queen.