Thursday, February 5, 2009

Mimi In A Minute #6 ~ The Peanut Episode



These things keep me up at night. They give me a headache.
I just need sixty seconds of your time to unclog my pencil brain so that I can get some sleep.
Do you mind? I have a few things to say.
This is Mimi unplugged.
Hide your children.


To Stephen King who criticized the new Twilight author Stephenie Meyer's talent: He said, "Stephenie Meyer can't write worth a darn." You've been hanging out with the zombies too long. Seriously. Did Phelps share his pipe with you?



The Peanut Corporation of America plant in Georgia - You ignored 12 positive readings for contamination and sold the product anyway.
Have you read the obituaries of the eight people you killed?






Jiffy:PLEASE send me a jar of smooth and creamy.
Baby Boy is too young to understand the chemical components in mildew. It took me three hours to teach him to spell
s-a-l-m-o-n-e-l-l-a!











Bernard Madoff. Have I got an investment for you! There's a peanut butter plant in Georgia that might go real cheap.

To former Governor Rod Blago-Get-Rich-je-vich -
Are you hungry?




Former President Jimmy Carter: If the peanuts had failed us during your administration, we wouldn't have had time to deal with the Iran Hostage Crisis! I don't recall these plaguing peanut problems when a Southerner was Commander in Chief.


To Gospel Singer George Beverly Shea: Happy 100th Birthday, Sir.
I remember hearing your booming baritone voice as a child in my grandmother's living room during Billy Graham Crusade broadcasts. Sing on. You are an American tradition.



Telemarketers: Here's a survey for ya.............Why do you still have a job??!!!







To Bikini Girl from American Idol:For The Love Of All That Is Bony, please put some clothes on and stay out of the wind.



Debit card payments:
You are charging me $14.95 to pay my own bill over the phone!
Shame on you.










To Olympic Star and Role Model Michael Phelps:
Try smoking it underwater next time. That should take care of the smoke AND the evidence.

(Seriously. Please don't fry your brain. Not cool, dude. Little kids are watching.....)

Democratic Stimulus Plan.....is beginning to read like a desperate wish list. Please cut the spending first, but if not, can I get my Amazon list on the docket?
I need a new pencil skirt.
I do solemnly swear it is stimulating...
.


And finally......To Congress:


What comes after a trillion??


Whew! I feel better. Thanks for listening.
Sixty seconds flew by. I think my blogsomnia is cured.
Lights out.

No brain cells died in the filming of this post.



Mimi In A Minute #1
Mimi In A Minute #2 Enough!
Mimi In A Minute #3 Hugh Hefner & The Brady Bunch

Mimi In A Minute # 4 ~ The Ethical Treatment of Ann Coulter and Lobsters
Mimi In A Minute #5 ~ The Lasagna That Died


Copyright © 2006-2009 Mimi Lenox. All Rights Reserved.

43 comments:

Muffy Willowbrook said...

if you ask me - you're got brilliant skills that keep you up at night.

Madoff and the peanut plant was hilarious!

Ricardo said...

I don't know, bikini girl looks kind of cute in that picture. I don't watch Idol so who knows. Maybe she is boney and that's not healthy.

Heads should roll over the peanut butter thing.

I don't get the venom with Stephen King on the twilight author.

There's a lot of stuff (pork barrel spending) on that Stimulus plan. Basically the politicians are loading on pet projects which is really sad considering the country is going to hell in a hand basket. There's no time for this nonsense. Fix the problems already.

Julie said...

Bedtime now? That was a lot to unload dear friend. That picture of bikini girl was just too big. GACK!

Mimi Lenox said...

Muffy - Thanks for stopping by. I appreciate the encouragement.

It had to be said.

Mimi Lenox said...

Ricardo - The plan is beginning to bother me a bit. They need to trim it to the bare bones (no offense, Bikini Girl) and be done with it. A trillion? A trillion???

Mimi Lenox said...

Julie - I tried to get her best side.

Charles Gramlich said...

So now you want to pass these things on to us and keep us up at night? hum, pass it on eh? ;)

katherine. said...

hey sweetie...not for nothing...but isn't the Peter Pan in the clear?

Mimi Lenox said...

Charles - I believe in sharing my migraines.

Mimi Lenox said...

Katherine - I guess so because we all know that Peter Pan "never grows old"....bwaahaahaaahhhh...I crack myself up.

Travis said...

You know, I love peanut butter and I haven't paid any attention to this recall. So I just checked and my Skippy brand is ok.

Whew!

Bond said...

I LURVES me peanut butter..thankfully, I am a Skippy guy like Travis...it took me 66 seconds to read this...you over extended.

Mimi Lenox said...

Travis - I'm glad you checked!

Bond - I'll work on that...

Dawn (Twisted Sister) said...

Feel better now?
I listened to George Beverly Shea during Billy Graham Crusade broadcasts in my mother's living room. 100 years old... WOW.

Mimi Lenox said...

Dawn - I took your advice and soaked my head...Thanks for asking.

I've always regretted I never heard Billy Graham at a live event.

Akelamalu said...

I hope you slept after all that Mimi. x

Jean-Luc Picard said...

Some first class thoughts. Stephen King getting a little jealous perhaps?

I love some of the others as well. A Quality Post!

CrAzY Working Mom said...

OMG, this post so totally cracked me up!

Twilight, Peanut recall, Blagojevich, Bikini Girl, Phelps and the bong, Congress and a trillion...you're going to get mega google rankings for this post, my dear!!!! *LOL*

Thanks for the smiles, Mims!

Mimi Lenox said...

Akelamalu - I'm exhausted!

Jean-luc - Well....I didn't want to say the jealous word but since you mentioned it...
Thanks for the compliment!

Tish - You're welcome.How are the babies today?

Mark said...

Thanks for sharing your wonderful stream of thoughts.

The Gal Herself said...

BIKINI GIRL MUST BE STOPPED! If the roles were reversed, and Ryan was a female emcee upon whom a scantily clad male singer kept heaping attention, he viewing audience would be outraged. Bikini Girl is creepy and I hate her.

You're right, this does feel better!

BIBI said...

Thanks for the laugh Mimi.
I feel the same way however, I go to sleep dreaming about it. Talk about nightmares!
Go get some rest!

Mimi Lenox said...

Mark - Sometimes it's good to get it all out. I feel better now.

Mimi Lenox said...

Gal - I agree. Bikini Girl has to go. Unfortunately, she's now become the "worst vote"...there is already a campaign underway to keep her on the show. More blog fodder and she doesn't sing THAT bad.
You are so right about the gender reversal. Our perspectives would be completely reversed. She is a bit strange...

Blogging therapy is a wonderful thing.

Mimi Lenox said...

Bibi - I wouldn't want to dream about any of this!

Mojo said...

If memory serves me correctly, I believe 3 of the 8 peanuts in the Iran hostage rescue attempt failed to return. Perhaps they're just now getting back and that's why they were so musty?

Kitten said...

I laughed so hard at that post...best laugh I've had all day. The best line was the one about Madoff and the peanut factory...right on, Mimi, right on.

Mimi Lenox said...

Mojo - Perhaps...Thanks for the clarification.

Mimi Lenox said...

Kitten - Madoff deserves the peanut factory. And that wouldn't be such a bad punishment if it weren't for the thousands of others who lost their lifelong dreams because of his greed. Not funny at all.

Glad to make you laugh! Thank you.

SandyCarlson said...

Contaminated peanut butter has me at a total loss on how to make an American lunch for a kid. It's just wrong.

I think we could feed the stuff to the Wall Street crooks who have robbed us to death around here. If they want a bonus, we could add jelly.

dadshouse said...

I asked my daughter about the Twilight author and Stephen King's comment. My daughter said "she probably can't write." Doh! But - King has non business ripping another writer for their work. To each his own. Art is art. No need to put others down.

Speedcat Hollydale said...

Right on Mimi!!!

The world has gone mad ... yes'm. The only good place left is "Bloggingham". I heard the Queen was really nice.

Desert Songbird said...

This choosy mother has chosen Jif for several years now. Whew!

meleah rebeccah said...

"To Bikini Girl from American Idol:
For The Love Of All That Is Bony, please put some clothes on and stay out of the wind."

That made me laugh out loud. And I'd like to offer her up a sammich!

Mimi Lenox said...

Sandy - Now THAT was funny. Add jelly....

Mimi Lenox said...

dad - Doh? What is doh?
I'm so not hip...

Mimi Lenox said...

Eric - I heard she had a dungeon.....! Does that sound nice to you?

I didn't think so.

Mimi Lenox said...

Desert - Good for you! You're a good mommy.

Mimi Lenox said...

Meleah - She needs to eat some real food.

Speedcat Hollydale said...

The dungeon?? The Queen brings great snacks to the "guests" ... so yes, "nice".

Starrlight said...

Technically, Stephen is right on. Stephenie is a HORRID writer from a writing standpoint. Great character creator and concept but NOT a great writer. Plus her last Twilight novel was horrid :P

The Phelps thing to me is a huge tempest in a teacup. Who cares. Parents need to spend less time freaking out over celebrity role models and more time being one themselves.

Mimi Lenox said...

Starr - On King and Meyer: I went strictly for the humor here. I don't read King and haven't read Twilight. My readers seem to agree with King's criticism. That's one book I won't read. Thanks for saving me some time!

Phelps:
He's a kid himself with a lot of pressure. The parents "freaking out" never crossed my mind and I agree with you about their responsibility. However, some kids don't have the luxury of sanity in their homes much less role models. Whether he likes it or not, he is hero fodder for lots of little watching eyes......Sadly, he'll be remembered for one photograph and not the fine young man he is.

Starrlight said...

Oh well I should clarify, I have read all of them and I loved the first book, hated the second, felt jyped by the third and came as close to burning a book as I ever hope to get in my life. Edward is awesome. Great character. Great plot. So wish it had been done by a different writer. There was NO SMUT!!!

Stephenie said she wrote Twilight because it was the fantasy she needed at that time. Apparently when Edward did not magically appear and swoop her out of her marriage to the one person she has ever had sex with, she seemed to have decided she hated him.

That said I love the movie, it was total cheese and Rob Pattinson is quite simply the most gorgeous man on the planet =)


As for Phelps I don't think today's kids view athletes the way younger generations did. I think that is a fantasy older people hold onto. Cause that is how it was when they are were kids. Phelps is tiny potatos compared to the Gambling, Steroids, and Dog Fighting we have seen over and over and over in professional sports for the last 15 years.

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