Chicken Soup Is Not A Projectile ~ Ten Reasons I'm Not Going To The Inauguration
(It's too late to beg me now!!!)
1. My invitation got lost in the mail. Can you believe it? I called and checked. They said, "It must have gotten lost in the mail." Those were their exact words.
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2. I have to ride one of these. With the common masses?
I think not.
3. They want to security me. Oh please. I can barely get my makeup case through security at the airport without causing an international uproar. The Inauguration Of The President: Tickets To The Swearing-In Ceremony website states that there is no check room for prohibited items. This does not please me. I simply cannot enter the grounds without my ruby red sparkly lipstick which, trust me, is "deadly."
4. I could lose my lunch. True story. My son and I and a few hundred other musicians traveled to perform for President Clinton in the early nineties during a speech in Kenan Stadium. It took 4 hours to get through security (no kidding...every tuba, every flute, every drum cavity had to be inspected) and by the time we made it through and reassembled ourselves there was no time left to perform. He spoke. In the rain. We soaked. In the rain. And then some of us left without our lunch.
Oh. Right. Dumb question.
**In his defense, the President wrote a nice apology letter for not having time to hear us sing but didn't return the thermos.
I hope he liked it.
Oh, the scandal.
And what does THIS mean?? "Other items that may pose a threat to the security of the event as determined by and at the discretion of the security screeners"
There goes my pencil skirt......
6. Humiliation: They didn't ask me to sing. I'm shocked. The musical prelude to the swearing-in ceremony begins two hours before the swearing-in. I swear! That gives me plenty of time to poof my pencils. But nooooooo ....somehow Elvis Costello and Sting
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See what I mean? It was bad karma. She should have worn pink.
There are 39 days left for me to pick out something to wear that won't have galactic implications in the long run. And what if I get a run in my pantyhose? Rip a stitch? Bust a button? These things keep me up at night. So I asked. Here's the reply I got today in the mail: "Outdoor, portable restrooms are located throughout the U.S. Capitol grounds."
I see the handwriting on the proverbial wall.
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Not a shoe store in sight.
10. And last but not least, I am not allowed to wear my pencil skirt to the Inaugural Ball. It's a matter of national security. And that's all I have to say about that.....
Maybe I'd better stay home and eat my chicken soup.
Can I borrow your thermos?
Can I borrow your thermos?
Copyright © 2008 Mimi Lenox. All Rights Reserved.
35 comments:
Good one. I can't imagine why you weren't on the top of the list, and allowed to wear whatever you chose. I'm sure it's an oversight.
So, Elvis Costello and Sting - neither of which are Americans I believe (I could be wrong on Elvis Costello but I'm too lazy right now to Google it) - are invited to sing but you're not? Somehow that just doesn't seem right. Don't they know that you are American royalty?!?
And as for the cussing ... seriously now ... that shouldn't stop you as you don't cuss! At least you never used to!
Charles - Costello is allowed to make a "Spectacle" of himself (I crack myself up) but I cannot sing Dona Nobis Pacem?
I am miffed.
Linda - I'm beside myself with indignation (and have had a tad too much Chardonnay tonight ahem...)
As for the cussing.....pantyhose runs are grounds for all kinds of profanity.
If I say it in my head it counts, right?
stepson's gonna be there...part of that smithsonian trip 8th graders take. lucky bum.
i'd be kicked out for swearing like a sailor lol
Ciara - Ohhh wow....I am soooo jealous. Good for him though!
The Queen is too good for those people!!!
lol that just cracked me up!! sure you can borrow our thermos!
LOL @ #9!
Now that's a reason... No Sephora either? Bah!
Shannon - They never see things my way.
Sabrae - Welcome to my world. Glad you are cracked.
Up. I mean. (need coffee....)
Lois - Can you believe it??!!
I'd love to be there...
I really hope this is the start of something new. I have such high hopes.
WTH?! You can't shop at the National Mall?! Unbelievable...
Crushed - My hopes are high too.
Poptart - Not even a Starbucks. It's a national travesty.
Elvis Costello and Sting? Who invited them? American artits would be more logical.
Have a terrific weekend. Big hug and lotsa lovies. :)
Mimi, if I'm ever elected President(of anything) I will invite you to sing for the swearing-in ceremony. Even if it's to lead my local Caribou Lodge. And I won't talk at all so you'll be able to sing as many songs as you like. There's only one condition: you have to agree to one duet with me. :0)
Jean-Luc - I'm hoping there are other choices. I think Leona Lewis is being heavily considered. I love her. She's British too!
Sandee - You do the same!
Lee - You've got a deal! I hear you are a great singer....I think I read that somewhere.
Now that's funny! What a riot. My invitation got lost, as well...
I vote for staying home with the chicken soup... can see much more watching everything on TV and don't have to worry about runs in the panty hose... PLUS you can swear up a storm and not worry about national security...
Your majesty, May I suggest that you and a minimal entourage of 49 become the guests of Maestro and Mrs. Maazel at a mere $50,000 a night. Let others take the chaufeured 90 minute drive from Virginia countryside to DC to all that hassle while you luxureate in the indoor pool and await reports from your syncophants. It does benefit music education for children and is fully deductible.
Thermos is on the way!
That was a lot of fun. I guess I'll stay home, too.
I would stand guard at the port-a-potty for you.
I think it's like the Super Bowl. Sure, it would be great to go once just to say you've been and to see what it's like. But you'll see more and be warmer if you stay home and watch it on tv.
so funny..
* hello...:)
That's too bad, Mims. Your pencil skirt and half-face would be a great addition to that day.
Mimi, If Barak himself asked you nicely, please come. Sing the National Anthem for everyone--wouldn't you reconsider?
Otherwise, I'm not watching the show. I'll read all about the next but I'm not watching unless you're there and treated properly.
I mean it.
Bud - Maybe YOU have my invitation. Did you look in your mailbox?
Carol - A swearing-in ceremony is for swearing, is it not?
Gee whiz!
Jamie - I didn't know! I'll write a check for the $50,000 right away. Wanna come?
Sandy - I can't wait to see. Seriously, I can't wait.
Julie - That made me smile...and giggle. You are such a sweet and funny friend.
Travis - And that's what I plan on doing. How's the snow your way?
anntaj - Why, thank you!
Lizza - I'm still holding out for that invitation....
Kathleen - If President Obama asked me nicely, I would do it. But no outdoor latrines!!
And thank you, my friend.
Sorry your invite got lost in the mail. Don't they know you are a world-famous journalist?
Or blournalist?
Well I never.
Patti - I guess my reputation has not preceeded me! Darn.
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