Monday Mimisms: Counting Flip Flops On The Wall

I don't shag. I don't dosey-do. I don't even dip.
(If you're from the South, you'll get that)

It was Geriatric Night At The OK CorralWhy do I let her talk me into these things? I'm talking 'bout her. My friend who keeps dragging me here and yon to "parties"..."lessons"......and "functions".....
This was a benefit dance disaster soiree with a new band. At least that's what she told me.
"It'll be fun," she said, "Let's go!
You'll see, Mimi, it's a different crowd than before."I was skeptical. I was correct.

This is the same place I once stood several years ago when the "gentleman" approached me and literally pinned me to the bar after saying, "Honey, you look like a Sunday School teacher." He reeked of smoke and was the spittin' image of the late great Conway Twitty. I swore on my pencil skirt I would never come here again. What was I thinking??! The point is....I can do this for Jane tonight, of course I can. What are friends for? She looks like she's having fun. She's knows people here, she is a bit older than I am, she can shag her little legs off. However, our agendas were totally different. I could have been content to just enjoy the band and talk to people. But it wasn't that kind of place at all.

If you didn't shag, you weren't cool. In all honesty, I love love love to dance but I really don't want to shag. Ever.
As in not-in-this-lifetime.

Well, at least Conway wasn't there. I was so glad he wasn't.
Or so I thought.

Jane and I were perched on a bar stool in prime time view in the middle of the dance floor division. Just as I breathed a sigh of relief that intoxicated Conway was nowhere around, I turned around to see this hanging directly above my head on the wall.... I kid you not.

It was a sign from God.

Do you know who that is? It's the late great Conway with the late great Loretta Lynn. I told you I was in the Geriatric Bar! These people are DEAD!!! A wall of album covers. Next to Conway was Floyd Cramer no less and Donny Osmond in red white and blue bell bottoms. He's not dead but he might as well be.

Why am I in a country shag club? I swear I just heard rock 'n roll.
This is no place for a Queen.
She tricked me!!!

Here are the delicate highlights: I counted THREE people total who looked to be in the 40-50 age range, two young enough and cute enough to get me arrested, the majority were coupled or married and the other 5,298 were on the last leg of their shaggy Social Security checks. I've never seen that much white hair in one place ever. There should be a limit.

I must admit the band was excellent. So good that a lady down front had a religious experience listening to Skynyrd's "Simple Man". See?

My soon-to-be-ditched-friend fluttered off to dance with a guy she had "absolutely no interest in" (twice) and I was stuck with a man with no teeth who approached me and asked, "Dancing or watching?"
My initial response was "Throwing up" but I kept it to myself. I told him I didn't shag, shoot pool or dip snuff and he left.

Could it get worse?

Does SmithKline make Geritol?!!

The Electric Slide began in all its glory. Donny was thrilled. Conway smooched Loretta. Mimi hatched a plan.I did the only thing I could do.
The ladies room was lovely. That's me in the strappy sandals.
Counting flip flops on the wall..

That don't bother me at all....playing solitaire too long ....with a deck of 51... Smoking cigarettes and watching Captain Kangaroo.

Now don't tell me I've nothing to do.