Sunday, September 21, 2008

Monday Mimisms: Maybe I Picked The Wrong Pencil Skirt






I have a headache.
Let me tell you what happened.



It was dark. Smoky. Noisy. I was alone. My friend (see her here) decided to stay home and grade papers. Can you imagine? She did not think I would venture out alone last week on a school night no less, but that is exactly what I did.

As you'll recall, the night ended up nicely at Mimi's Cafe where they even let me wear my crown and knew my name by heart.....
- but that is not how it began. Before I met my friend for a late dinner, I was on a mission to prove to my out-of-practice-single-self that if I walked into a bar and sat down on a bar stool and ordered a club soda, that somebody would notice and if worse came to worse I'd at least get a blog post. Do you see this skirt? That's not me but you get the picture. I have a zillion lethal skirts just like this one....

That skirt should stop a man dead in his tracks.

Who knew I picked the wrong skirt?

When you are single and live in the town of nowhere you have two choices. You can type endless chat messages and emails to people who pretend to be single, pretend to be doctors, and pretend to be smart (all 3 things happened to me just recently) - not to mention the guy who asked me out and "forgot" that we'd already met. Right. (I forgot to tell you that he suddenly "remembered" later when I wrote a so-long-see-ya reply) Too late, Einstein.... you can meet somebody in the comment section of your blog.....OR you can drive to another town where there are actually people who don't spit on the sidewalk and take your chances in the singles scene of insanity. There was a singles "wine event" at a great place about an hour away. I decided to go.

Will somebody tell me why only crazy men live in my state? (Lee, you are excluded dear) Next time I will cross the border. And what was the problem, you may ask?

Who knows? I know I wore the right skirt. If there's anything I know, it's skirts. Perhaps it was my level of confidence. Let's examine, shall we? After a final primp and comb and spritz in the parking lot mirror, I seductively stepped out of my Toyota (what a hot car), did the pageant Queen wave, naturally, and hit the singles pavement running. Walking into the bar was not the problem.
I can do this.


The place was packed. This was going to be a lot of fun. All I needed was a bar stool and a sideways cross-legged pose, my mother's lip plumper to execute my finely tuned pouting-while-flirting look (ala innocent deer in headlights face) and a willing victim partner with a weakness for skirts. Easy, right? Wrong.
There was nowhere to sit at the bar.

How am I supposed to wage the power of my pencil skirt if I can't sit down?


People were waiting in line just to get to the bar and order. I finally made my way through and ordered a water (with lemon). And that's when my plan started to fail.
You see, there was this guy at the end of the bar near the outside patio door. I knew him. We'd talked online a few years ago but never met. He was very attractive, as I'd remembered from his photos and a-l-o-n-e....He was engaged in conversation with an older gentleman next to him and eating dinner. So I made my way through the sea of giggling perfumed women and tipsy boisterous men to say hello.

And then it happened. My phone rang. My mother calls NOW? I dropped it. When I very carefully bent down to pick it up the rest of the contents of my purse fell out on the floor, including my demon possessed cellphone which started blinking in the dark. And suddenly I felt like a total Quork (that's Queen + dork for all you non-blog speakers).
I was embarrassed.

There was only one thing to do.
It was nicer in the ladies room.
No smoke. And I needed to have a talk with myself.
There was no one in there to ignore me either. I stared at the stupid orange wall, snapped a shot for this blog (crazy, right??!) and gave myself a good talking to while straightening out my purse and figuring out how to murder my friend who let me come alone.

I was on the verge of tears.
Why did I come here?
I do not belong here.
I hate it.

I do NOT want to go back out there.

Oh the thoughts in my head. "Listen girl, you spent two hours getting ready, you drove an hour, you've been here for exactly thirty minutes and yes yes yes we all know you hate it but so what you're not alone so does everybody else who starts over and besides you'll never meet anyone or even make a new friend standing here taking pictures of the stupid wall. Now go back out there and try again." And then I looked at my surroundings and the whole scenario struck me as hysterically funny which made me laugh.

So I did.

By the time I had the epiphany pity party in the ladies room and got back he wasn't alone anymore...he was just plain G-O-N-E.
Probably trying to get away from the clumsy lady with the blinking phone.


And even though there was still nowhere to sit and the writing was on the wall, I walked around and smiled at people and struck up a conversation here and there with my second glass of lemon water (shut up Homer) dripping ice water in my purse and wishing I'd worn lower heels but at least I wasn't in the latrine talking to smart aleck tiles.

And besides, there's always next Wednesday night and a dance Saturday night. I'll be there.

Same skirt.
Same blog.

Perhaps the pageant wave was a bit much......



What was on Mimi Writes one year ago today? Buttons

35 comments:

Empress Bee (of the High Sea) said...

sigh... i hate it when that happens...

hugs, bee
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Mimi Lenox said...

Bee - Which part?!

Charles Gramlich said...

Ah, the best planned skirts of memes and Queens.

Mimi Lenox said...

Charles - You have to admit Bloggingham is never dull!

mark's tails said...

Funny and yet sad at the same time. I'm sure things will turn around for you.

Mimi Lenox said...

Mark - I was going for funny...no sad here. You are new to pencil skirt frolicking I see. But welcome to my world!

Mimi Lenox said...

P.S. I am not known for holding back.....and Charles, do my plans ever go as planned?

Star8278 said...

Keep at it. It's not always easy, but it will be worth it.

I did the online dating thing for awhile. Did the blind dates, the long emails, the anxiety, the insecurity. It all prepared me to meet my fiancee. Having been down the dark road of dating, I was so excited to see what it really was supposed to be like. You can only recognize the good, after having been through the bad for comparison.

It will get better!!!!

Besides, at least you get blog fodder for your efforts. ;-)

Starrlight said...

Mimi honey on behalf of fellow single girls thank you for taking one for the team!

I am so glad I get another 5 years of not having to date. Once kidlet and I can move to where I plan to spend the remainder of my years THEN I will have to deal with wrong skirts, stupid purses, and mothers on cellphones. Although I have that last one ;)

Jamie said...

You have my sympathy, but keep trying. You can't win if you don't enter the contest. Just think of the reward:

That lovely scene in "When Harry Met Sally" where the wife says, "Please tell me I never have to go out there again." and the husband replies,"You will never have to go out there again."

Bond said...

He was not worth it if he did not jump to his feet to help the damsel in distress...and don't tell me he didn't see it...even if he didn't he should have sensed it (like spiderman does) and come to the rescue...

Crushed said...

I often think being single looks harder in the US...

I notice from your pic though, that that bar COULD be over here.

Over here pubs are fairly evenly distributed and prob much more of them. I have eight or nine within a ten minute walk of my flat. And the ethos is different. They are what they say are, 'public houses'.

I get the impression it's much easier to meet people over here.

Just don't let them get away, though. Be prepared and be determined next time :)

Lynda said...

Well, I find this post humorous and delightful. I understand!!!! Your royal knight is out there, I have no doubt!!! Keep the skirts, and keep the attitude, both are devastating... You can come here and I will introduce you all over town, most of the guys I know would die for a Queen like you... Keep the faith, mostly in yourself!!!! Great site, love it!!!!

Sandee (Comedy +) said...

I was hoping for something a bit different than this, but I must admit I was laughing though most of this post. You are a queen, why is this so difficult honey? The stilling of the purse made me spew my water on the monitor. Note to self...when reading Mimi's posts do not drink water. Big hug and lotsa lovies. :)

Akelamalu said...

I just cannot believe that all the men in that bar were not grovelling on the floor helping you to pick up the contents of your purse!

bundle-o-contradictions said...

Sounds like you handled yourself wonderfully. I am glad, however, that dating is a thing of the past for me. It takes someone tougher than me (you, specifically) to go out & make the effort. **applause**

Mimi Lenox said...

Star - I have a feeling the blog fodder will be often and not for the faint of heart. I loathe online dating. A million phonies and players. SOoooo true.

Mimi Lenox said...

Starrlight - There's a TEAM??

I don't think after reading this post that anybody will let me on it.

Mimi Lenox said...

Jamie - I loved that scene! Yes, I want someone to look me in the eyes and say just that and then...and then....sigh

Mimi Lenox said...

You know what Vinny....you are right. Absolutely 100% correct and I won't forget that next time. He was within pheromone throwing distance. He had to see it...

Mimi Lenox said...

Crushed - Eight or nine within walking distance? Now those are better odds.

Taking notes....

Mimi Lenox said...

Lynda - Devastasting...hmmmm....yep, I want to be devastating.

I'll work on that.

Mimi Lenox said...

Sandee - It is difficult because I hate the "meat market" mentality that comes with bars. It's not me. But I have to find my niche there anyway. This week will be better. My friend promised to go with me...but you know what? If she doesn't, I'll still go alone.

You spewed your coffee?? I'm sorry!

Mimi Lenox said...

Akelamalu - They obviously do not know I am royalty.

Mimi Lenox said...

Autumn - I'm not tough but I'm not shy or introverted either. Dating for the sake of dating is no fun for me. I miss being in a relationship with one man....the bar scene is blech!!

Yet I shall return.
Lucky you. Hold on, sweetie, and don't let go.

Lee said...

Men in bars are either: married and cruising; single and domestic violence offenders; gay; alcoholics; or still living with Mom. Might I suggest trying your luck at the symphony or a church social?

Sorry the night was less than pleasant, Your Highness. Maybe you need to come to a more cosmopolitan area (like Raleigh).

P.S. And thanks for the exclusionary compliment. Oh, and the link isn't correct. It should be http://tarheelramblings.com, not .net. :0)

Mimi Lenox said...

Lee - Sorry about the link. I will fix it pronto.

Hmmm....your take on the bar scene is interesting. I've been to nice taverns/eateries with people I dated who certainly weren't alcoholics or gay or living with Mom but I'll keep this in mind!

Church: I have found them ALL married with little bitty babies and I feel odd going to "church" to find a date. Know what I mean? But I did go to the Presbyterian Church once to a singles function where a drunk man approached me in royal style - yes, in the church.

Ballroom dancing lessons might be fun though.

Raleigh: The men I've had dates with who were the most cosmopolitan and intellectual came from your area (seriously) or by way of Chapel Hill in university communities. I considered moving to Asheville once too because I love the cultural and collegiate atmosphere there.

Food for thought.

Travis said...

If it's any consolation, I did linger quite awhile over the skirt. It's definitely the right variety.

I imagined that you found a seat at the bar, ordered your water with lemon, crossed your legs in true Queenly fashion, and did the shoe dangle.

THUMP!

Mimi Lenox said...

Travis - Finally! A thump!

Hahn at Home said...

I haven't even started to get back out there, though I'm working my way up to it. Mimi - maybe I just need a personal ad written by you.

My town is not small but the same 32 women inhabit every single online dating site and have for years. Then, the elusive new person shows up and bang - she's gone in an instant. I need to start working out so I can hit "send" a little faster.

Babs (Beetle) said...

Oh, I feel for you! It's a bit sad that a man can see a lady drop her bag and ignore it. Gone are the days when they would come to help, and start up a conversation - you, a royal too! He wasn't worth your attention!

One day, when you least expect it, someone you haven't even noticed will approach you.

Ferd said...

I LOVE it when my Queen comes down off her throne to spend some time with the little people. Most Queens don't do that. I'm proud of you, Queen Mimi!

And I would NEVER call you a Quork! Not when the fault lies with a defective purse and a demonic cell. You behaved quite regally under the stressful circumstances!

Mimi Lenox said...

Lori - It is NOT fun. Seriously, I'd rather take a beating I think. Baby steps.....

Mimi Lenox said...

Babs - True gentlemen are hard to find. That's why they are precious when you find them.

Mimi Lenox said...

Ferd - I think I'll change purses next time. And seriously, that cell phone has to go..

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