Monday Mimisms: A Queen's Gotta Do What A Queen's Gotta Do

Yeah, I know. This is supposed to be Tuneless Tuesday or Wordy Wednesday or Thorny Naked Thursday. But it ain't, OK? The cat's out of the bag. I've got bigger troubles. Bigger fish to fry, more fish in the sea, better bras to buy, more flies to swat. Whatever. And it ain't pretty let me tell ya.

Many blog moons ago I found this meme somewhere stolen on the internet and somebody who shall remain nameless OK It was Sunday Stealing talked me into committing a felonious act of meme larceny in the third degree (see your Blogger Code of Ethics Manual page 4).
I should have known better.
But how did I know it would lead to my crownfall?

It ain't so bad in here.

I don't have to use proper English. No one cares if I spit.
And most of the people in here are innocent. They told me so.
So, I might as well pass the time answering these questions.

If you don't hear anything from me you'll know that prisoner 060607 discovered the laptop under my pencil skirt. I have no idea why she keeps looking at me. She probably recognizes me from the internet. That's it. Maybe she wants an autograph.
Well tough cookies, Toots. They took my pencil at the door.

And they wouldn't even let me check my coat. What kind of place is this?

And will somebody call my mother and tell her where I am?? How did I know you only get one phone call? I used to it to cancel my manicure. And now I'm up Queen Creek without a paddle.
Or a pedicure.

But I've got a bet going with inmate 060607 that I'll spring outta here by sunset. And when I do.......I'm coming after the back-stabbing blogger who turned me in for a dollar.

And then I'm going straight to blell.

1. When you're home alone, do you still close the door
when you use the restroom?
What are you talking about? I don't see any doors to the restroom here!

2. If you have to go grocery shopping, would you rather go alone or with someone?

I don't think it matters now. I'm on a restricted diet of bread and water.
And besides, it's not safe to go to the latrine alone. (That's military/code speak for all you non-criminal bloggers)

But they will let me call room service I'm sure.

Won't they?

3. It's your best friends birthday, do you buy them a gift even though they didn't buy you one for yours?My new best friend now has thirteen tattoos. I'm not sure what goes with that.

4. You win the lottery. Lump sum or small payments over a period of time?

A lump sum. I could bribe the judge and get reconstructive surgery for prisoner 060607. She said she tripped and fell into her face. That must be why there are no mirrors here. They don't want to hurt her feelings.

5. Do you like your music loud or at a reasonable level?
I like my music very loud here. Drowns out the dripping faucet.

6. Are you a beach person or a snowy mountain person?

I used to be a coastal creature before my incarceration.

7. When do you brush your teeth?
That's a good question. "Hey Guard!" Wait...no...."Hey Guardess!
When can I brush my teeth?"

8.Can you watch scary movies alone?
Every time I look at prisoner 060607 it's a scary movie.

9. Soft bed or firm?

I'm so glad you asked. "Excuse me, Miss Guard! Guardette? Can I have an extra pillow?" ...."OK! Sorry I asked!" She is not amused. I'll get back to you on that.

10. Would you rather stay home all day or be out and about?
Funny. Real funny, wiseguy.

11. What's one of your worst memories?
Having to flirt with 060607 just to get a pencil.
I hate to think what I'd have to do to get an eraser.

12. Do you like to keep the peace or be confrontational?
Ever heard of Peace Globes?

13. Are you more likely to be with a large group of people of a few close friends?
I used to like a large group of people but now it looks like I'm doomed to a few close fiends.
14. What are your plans for January?I'm up for parole.

15. If money were not a problem, where would you like to live?
Cell 060607 looks very nice. They even have window dressing. A subtle shade of mauve with just a dash of polka dot print and a .....and a......wait! That's my pencil skirt!

16. What is your ideal profession?
The girls in cellblock C keep talking about some nifty business they're in.
I'll see if I can break into their clique.

17. Are you close to your Mom and Dad?
Not anymore.

18. What is one fear that you can't seem to overcome?
Having to share a bunk with you-know-who.

19. Are you good at math?Now thats a fine question to ask at a time like this. If I'd been good at math I would have calculated the risk involved in this heinous crime and nipped it in the bud.


Editor's Note: There is no question #20. It's sort of like a Get Out of Jail Free Card.
NOWW...you tell me.21. Is there anyone that you regret ever meeting?Pookie808. I should have known she was a criminal with a name like that.
22. Rate your life on a scale from 1-10.My life's not worth a plug nickel in this joint. We are talking money, right?
23. Would you rather have roomates or live alone?I tried living alone. For thirty-six hours.
Solitary confinement ain't all it's cracked up to be.

24. Do you like any of your friends a little more than just a friend?It's hard to show favoritism here. Lots of jealousy. I'm trying to set them up with therapy but they're more interested in cigarettes and I don't smoke.
I'm such an outcast.

25. Do you like to drive ?They let me drive the laundry cart last week but I ran over Guard Goddess' pinky finger. She bent over to pick up my barrette and got caught under the wheel. That's how I ended up in the can.....er......the "time out" room. Again.


27. If you found out that you were going to be a parent, what would you do ?
It would have to be an Immaculate Correction.

28. Do you give money to homeless people when they ask ?They have my pencil skirt. What else do they want from me?!!

29. A weekend in Las Vegas or Miami ?I'd settle for a bath.

30. When you go to the store, do you have a list or just buy random things ?I can't buy anything "randomly" here. They only have one color of nail polish. I maxed out my rations card yesterday buying alka seltzer.
31. What do you wear to sleep in ?The only thing good about wearing flannel stripes is they tend to slenderize. They also scare the rats away. I'll bet you never knew that, did ya?32. You have 3 months left to live, what do you do ?
I apply for clemency for me, hire an attorney to frame 060607 with another false crime so she can't get out and charge $100,000 on my Visa card.
Then I'd get a manicure just for spite.


33. You're having a bad day, what one thing can make your day better ?Being told I had three months to live.

34. Tanning bed ?No amenities. Not even an ice machine.

We do get magazines every third Friday. Martha Stewart Home is a favorite. I'm currently reading "How To Protect Yourself From Lice."
35. Is there anything you would change about your body if you could ?I'd like to be thin enough to flush myself down the toilet, swim through the sewer and break out of this joint. They do it on Prison Break. Why can't I?36. You wake up in an unfamiliar place, what is your first reaction ?Who stole my flannels??! I'm cold.37. Is there anything that you should be doing right now ?Making a will comes to mind.
38. If there was a way to know when and how you're going to die, would you want that information ?
No. I've learned not to read the scribblings on the bathroom wall.
I'd rather be surprised.

39. What is your favorite breakfast food ?Bread laced with bread.
40. Your phone rings at 4am, who do you expect it to be ?Paris Hilton.
I could use some advice from a woman of such experience. She's been assigned a suite with me at the Holiday Hellhole. I expect her anyday......But I don't think they're gonna let her drive the laundry cart. Darn! There goes my escape plan.
Well, folks. That's all for this meme.
I'll tag people when I get out - just as soon as I find the blog snitch who turned me in for a dollar.

I have a toe tag for them. I'm learning to knit....

**Tuesday Update & Correction: This meme originally came from the creator of the original Sunday Stealing, Bud Weiser, way back on May 6 2007. He called it "Play Music Loud and Reasonably." Click here for the original answers from a very funny guy. I stand corrected. I'm glad he traced it back from whence it came. I suppose he's the person who turned me in......sigh.



My Bachelor Of The Day
#360. You be the judge. Click to read.