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Monday, May 31, 2010

The Last Time I Murdered A Maraca...



This meme will make no sense. Do not expect it to. It has no rhyme or reason. There is no serious theme or deep thought required. Just answer with the first thought that pops into your brain and go with it. After all, that's how I made up the questions. Stop rolling your eyes.

When was the last time you……

rolled your eyes
at my mother this afternoon. She sent me to my room. The problem occurred when she realized she'd actually sent me to HER room....which used to be MY room once upon a teenage time.
She was not amused when I jumped on her bed.

Tied your shoe
At least 20 times yesterday on my walk. It was a nuisance!

reorganized your bedroom
Constantly. Although the reorganization was so massive last time that I've filed chapter 13 in my bedroom and started from scratch. But I'm lovin' ' the Zen feel. OHHHMMMMM..

Took a walk in the park
I walk an hour a day. Every day. My backyard is the "park".
Sometimes I walk Homer.

Chewed gum
I hate gum.

drew a stick person
Kindergarten. 1910.

activated something
My cellphone. You change your password you have to activate your email. Since I change my password every hour due to the RIDICULOUSNESS (is that a word?) showing up lately in my inbox, I'm a busy girl. But since my mother taught me to "consider the source" I shake my head and ignore it.... AFTER I change my password. Again. Mama didn't raise no fools.

Took a photograph
Just for you.


Drank a milkshake
I rewarded myself with a vanilla Frosty from Wendy's Friday afternoon. YUMMMM.

ate orange jello
Why do you ask?


google mapped an address
Yesterday. I am meeting friends (blogger friends!! Yay!) this week for drinks and live music somewhere nice and cozy. I now have directions.
Ahem: Ferd, oh buddy oh pal.....are you and the Princess bringing the Queen a blind date? Hmmmm?


sang your favorite song
On Facebook Friday. "It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood".....then others filled in the chorus and we had quite a nice little FB choir. I've been known to sing it over the loud speaker at work. Don't get me started.

made a peace globe. (Please show us!)


Threw a baseball
At a carnival. Daddy taught me well.

Fumbled with a button
Whose button is it? Cause the story could go in either direction depending on the owner of that delicious button. Just sayin'....

answered the doorbell
Saturday afternoon. It was a Census worker. I can't relive it again. But I'll tell you in a later post. ...I don't think the government is ready for me.

Spilled your drink
an hour ago.

administered CPR
after the button fumbling. It seemed the INappropriate thing to do



looked in the mirror
For you



testified in court
Not yet but the day is young

Made a sarcastic remark
Bwaahhahaahaa!

Offered someone advice
My son last week. We went to dinner Thursday night at our favorite Mexican restaurant.
He wanted to talk about his love life.

Shut up Homer.
His phone never stopped ringing. I told him as long as his phone rang he didn't need help with his love life. Deep, no? Then I watched him approach a lovely dark haired waitress on the way out the door and ask her out. He held a conversation with her in perfect Espanol. The boy needs no help let me tell ya. I need a translator, but he needs no help.

Then I wanted to talk about MY love life. He didn't want to hear about the garlic kisser. Nada.



Watched a sunrise or sunset
Last night. You figure out which.

Were jealous
First grade. 1911. Susie wanted to play the drum in the class toy marching band. Mimi wanted to play the drum in the class toy marching band. We had uniforms and everything!Teacher gave Susie the beautiful drum. I hated Susie until I realized that the maracas were much better and matched my naturally curly hair. Success is the best revenge. Didn't you know that? What a destructive emotion.



Smiled when you didn't feel like smiling
When daddy was sick and he needed me to smile. If he could crack jokes on the 3am hall of horror while hooked up to tubes, then I could smile when I felt like sobbing. But only in his presence. The rest of the time, in private and in the hallway or with my friends, I had a hard time holding it together.



Loved when you didn't feel like loving
Sometimes in the heat of the moment when you're all out of patience with someone and you don't understand why they are acting the way they are and all you really want to do is give them a piece of your mind and call it a day, a glimmer of understanding sometimes appears that helps you look past their faults and see that they are acting out of their own past hurts and insecurities. It takes you out of the role of victim and into the realm of compassion. You don't have to like the person who causes you pain or becomes your nemesis......but if you have a snowball's chance in hell of finding peace yourself, then you'd better be willing to entertain the possibility that it happened FOR you and not TO you. Love is a strong thing to hope for when unlovable things are done to you, but it's the only aspiration that counts in the long run.


Ironed an article of clothing
I hate to iron. Truly. I hate it. I don't buy things that need ironing. I get this affliction from my Aunt Mary. When I was a little girl she had an "ironing woman." She hated ironing so much that she hired someone to come in and do it for her. I loved "Pearl" and would spend hours talking to her while she ironed my favorite uncle's starchy white business shirts. The smell of the iron, the hiss of the water sprinkling on the cloth and the steam made for sizzling conversation.... and Pearl's raucous laugh still makes me smile.

noticed you didn't give a damn
About what? Mimi really! These questions are so misleading.

had a mammogram
August 2009. Every year. Without fail. Here's why.

Read your horoscope
There's a great website called The Horoscope Junkie. I love it! Rumor has it there lurks in the stratosphere a powerful discharge of Neptunian energy all the way through November 7th. I don't know what that means but I'm ready.

moped
First grade. 1912. I wanted to go to the 2nd grade. They held me back. And why??
Because I played the maracas too damn well.
In this case success was NOT the best revenge.



Held someone’s hand
Garlic kisser's. Such nice hands.

Newsflash! My horoscope for today reads: "You're well know (and well loved) for your bluntness, honesty and openness under most circumstances, but you're just about to encounter a situation that could be tricky, at best, for the rest of us. If you're about to surprise yourself, you can just imagine how others are going to feel, especially those who aren't as sturdy as you. Lend a hand, if you can."

Where was advice when I needed it??!!!



Crossed a bridge
And he had the nerve to reply, "Don't cross me!!" Some bridges can be so testy.
threw away a candy wrapper
I swore off candy 4 months ago.

Sat on a bench
3 hours ago

turned a page
Last night. I should have read that horoscope first.....

tripped over your own 2 feet
Not lately, believe it or not.


Sat on a beach
Not lately and I'm really bummed about that.

dialed the wrong number
Yesterday. It was Susie from the 1st grade.

Ignored a phone call
There are a few I wish now I hadn't ignored.

Kissed a bride
A few weeks ago. This is my best friend Barbie blowing bubbles at the reception.

tweeted
You should know that!

Rode a roller coaster
I'm afraid of heights.

you were really you
I am me 24/7. It's the rest of you I'm worried about.....

Cried yourself to sleep
The night before my dad came to comfort me.

Were speechless
Before I learned to talk. It's been nonstop ever since.

rode a bus
Choir tour. 1993. Canada. University of Toronto performance....on to Niagara, Ithaca, and the ride from Hades up and down the East Coast in that fume-filled bus with forty divas and musicians. I had to share a moving bathroom. It was hell!!!!

went to a funeral
October 29, 2009

were right
It was the 80s. I was right until I got left. Did you get that?
smoked
Are we talking dance floor or wacky week? The former, HOT. The latter, NEVER.

were left
in a steam-filled car without my garlic kisser. Don't make me go there again! You can't make me! (and yet, Mimi, you keep bringing it up)
I hope my horoscope is wrong. Why do I have such a strange feeling??

googled
I am googling now.

bent over
This morning stirring my breakfast on the stove.

sent a text message
This afternoon. The power went off. I sent pictures of the storm we had today to some friends (you know who you are)

Lit a candle
I light candles all the time. It's a regular voodoo parlor around here.

Lost your temper
Susie hung up on me. And I was so into forgiveness today.
I only broke one maraca.

fell off a horse
True story. I was 12. His name was "Silver." He hated me.
The feeling was mutual.

changed the oil in your car
Daddy always did that. The other day my brother called. He simply said, "Have you changed the oil in your car lately?" I burst into tears.

Added a new FACEBOOK friend
checking now on the latest surprising addition to my social life....be right back....

went bowling
Never. Umm no. Just no.

Laughed uncontrollably
At the thought of going bowling. I could break a nail.

Felt guilty
I just murdered a maraca. What do you think?

Looked up a word in the dictionary
There is no such word as "a word" in the dictionary. I just looked. Mimi! That was a wild goose chase and it wasted my time.

**This just in from Facebook. I now have 830 "friends." The latest is a married man from Venezuela whose name I can't pronounce.**

returned from the point of no return
Can I get back to you on that?

couldn't remember your name
Every morning before the first cup of coffee.

surrendered to temptation
I am tempted to ditch my own meme.

felt genuinely happy
Now

saw a famous person


kissed in a car
Haven't we all heard enough about that?

Sent a greeting card
Mother's Day. Princess Patti, I'm sorry yours would not open.

used your passport
Akelamalu takes me on all of her exotic trips to places around the world. I hide in her suitcase.
I do not need a passport. This week we're in Scotland!

yelled at your television
When Crystal Bowersox didn't win American Idol. And why? I was cheering for Lee. My hero.

confided a secret
I told Homer what happened on my recent hiatus and now the whole blogsophere knows.

changed your blog template
Which blog? I only have 52. I kid you not.

danced like no one was watching
You were watching weren't you....

wrote in cursive
When I wrote a check at the dry cleaners. Darn! This meme is so long I've lost my snark. I should have said....the last time I signed an autograph.

took a driving test
It's time. I'll warn you now. Get off the roads.

Backed up your computer files
Daily.


When was the last time you said this was the last time?

When I wrote that question.
The first person to roll their eyes at this meme is going to the dungeon!!

**Facebook update** - I now have 829 friends. His wife must be reading my meme.
The price of fame.


*photography: Mimi Lenox*
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Memorial Day 2010 ~ For The Fallen and The Free

In my search for peace, in your search for peace, please take a moment to remember and honor those who defend the freedom we have in this country to speak for peace. I've often heard it said that a soldier prays for peace above all else. I owe a debt of gratitude to those who longed for peace and did what they were called to do to defend and protect - even in times of war. There is no greater love than a man who lays down his life for his friend. I still believe, however, in the one day spoken of below.

"One day we must come to see that peace is not merely a distant goal that we seek, but that it is a means by which we arrive at that goal. We must pursue peaceful ends through peaceful means." Martin Luther King, Jr. (1929-1968)

Listen to the voices of the peace makers among us.....even as they struggled with very personal issues of their own on the subject of war.



*peace logo design by Trav*



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Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Before I Fall Any Deeper ~ The Tale of The Garlic Kisser


I've decided to answer these questions based on last week's date with the man I have been interested in lately. I promise to be as kind as he was to me.

1. When is the last time you went out to dinner with someone special? Tell us about it.

Friday night. It had been a long long week of anticipation. The sight of him was sweet relief to my soul. But then....

2. Show us a picture of your favorite cuisine.
I promised him I wouldn't show his picture on my blog or mention him on FB. Ahem. I promised! (Dark eyes. Younger. Head of beautiful hair. Bright. Funny. What's not to like?)

3. What is the funniest thing a man/woman has said to you lately?
Waitress: Would you like the spicy, sir?
Mr. Wonderful: I don't think you have anything spicier than her.
I laughed. She blushed.

4. What makes a gentleman a gentleman in today’s dating world? Are there any left?
I appreciate manners in a man. Opening doors. Taking my arm. Helping with my sweater and chair. Politeness. He was all those things. Major points. But then....

5. Is there anything you won’t tolerate when out to dinner with your significant other?
I doubt if I felt there was something intolerable about the man that I'd be out with him in the first place. Of course it has been my experience that it takes quite a while to really know someone to begin with...and just when you think you do, you don't....and by that time they're your significant other and it's just....just.....arghhh!!!

Now that's intolerable.

6. What type of ambiance do you enjoy in an eating establishment?
Quiet surroundings. Soft music. No noisy children. Candlelight. Elegance. Coloring books on the table. (in case he's boring)

7. Tell us about the worst public dining experience you ever had, whether it be a date or with your family.
It would have to be the online dating disaster with the man from Romania. His picture was at least 20 years younger than he was (which made him around 70) and I was in my mid-forties.
This was back before I actually had the nerve to exit before it began (now I just feign a migraine and pick up my crayons) so I was trapped on the 3rd floor of the mall with a man who looked like he could have been my grandfather who grabbed my hand with both of his and told me he was looking for an American wife.
It was the longest 15 minutes of my life!!!





No wait....that wasn't the worst. It was the man whose profile pic was in a gym as a body builder and then the standing-beside-the-firetruck-pose-that-got-me (don't ask me why I went out with him in the first place, just don't ask) and when we met it was OBVIOUS that he was quite gay. Flaming. Homosexual. F.L.A.M.I.N.G.
And oblivious to the flame.
Or it was the night I spent with my sister in the tent at the lake when we were teens and it was raining in the beanie weenie can. Nope. It was the man from Romania.

But back to Mr. Wonderful from Friday night......

8. What is the lamest or rudest thing a man/woman has said to you lately?
"I'm not a waiter."
"Lucky for you," I replied, "I'm not a waitress."
Of course that was AFTER the fabulous rain kissing sequence that should have been in a movie somewhere. I dared him. He complied.
But then......

9. Are you a good tipper?
He most certainly was.
Trouble is, I didn't have a clue what that dinner would cost ME.


10. Do you ask for doggie bags when you leave food on your plate at a restaurant?
I did not ask for a doggie bag but he insisted I take it home with me. I tend to leave a lot of food on my plate....or maybe it's just that I talk too much at dinner.
Either way, I had chicken, rice, and a lot of text messages the next day. Yum.


11. What is your pet peeve about restaurants and dining out in general?
People who bring loud children and don't make them behave.
I will move or ask the waitress to find another table.

Preferably in Siberia.

12. Do you prefer to order yourself or do you ever let your significant other order for you?
He ordered appetizers for us. They were drenched in garlic and butter. Did you know that garlic and butter makes a man a better kisser? It must be true. At least that is my humble opinion. At the very least it was good for my cholesterol. And the bounce in my skirt.
I can unequivocally say that he holds the title for Best Kisser EVER. Now that's something.
If only.....

13. Describe your most intimate romantic dinner ever. (fantasy or real)
A slow brain seduction over chicken cordon bleu and something that looks like one of Jamie's famous truffles. The where is unimportant. The intimacy begins way before the first course is served and lasts clearly into breakfast mugs and bacon. Am I making myself clear?

14. Do you enjoy piano bars?
Only if I'm not asked to play. But one day soon I intend to climb atop a baby grand somewhere and render. It must be a night when I'm wearing a slit in my skirt.

15. If you could go anywhere in the world for dinner, where would it be and who would you be with?

I would walk away from the man from Romania, bring a patch for the dripping tent and figure out a way to know beFORE I get into a car with a man that he is about to turn into the world's biggest ass.

Goodnight, Mr. Wonderful. The garlic was indeed....spicy.
Even in soaking rain.





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Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Under The Covers ~ Read It and Sleep



I am the Queen of Memes. This is a meme. And more trivia about my life than should be lawfully legal. Pop a bowl of popcorn and have a seat. You might learn something new. Then again, you might not. Got butter salt??

1. Name 2 things you have done under the covers in the last week.
Giggle and turn up the heating pad.

2. Do you know what a woobie is? Do you have a special one?
I have a special woobie. I won't tell you his name though. He doesn't even know. Yet.

3. What prompts you to pull the covers over your head and hide from the world?
Every morning when the alarm clock rings.

4. Firm or soft?
Firm.

5. Silk or flannel?
Neither.

6. Lights on or off?
For what?

7. Fan or no air?
The answer, my friend, is blowing in the wind.

8. Completely dark or nite light?
I am not 12. I do not need a nite light. I do stump my toe a lot. Maybe I should reconsider.

9. Windows open or shut
I sleepwalk. Open windows would be quite the fall for me.

10. Sweet dreams or nightmares?
Lately, both. With the same people!!

11. PJ's or……

12. Set bedtime?
Quite impossible. I am such a night owl. It will be the death of me.


13. What do sheep count when they can't sleep?
Everybody knows that sheep don't sleep. Have you ever seen a picture of sheep sleeping?
I think not.
Baby Boy had trouble sleeping awhile back. I told him to count sheep. He asked, "Why, Mimi?"
Good point.

14. What does your alarm clock sound like?
SATAN.

15. White noise or music
SATAN

16. TV or IPod?
Neither. I'm trying to SLLEEEEEPPP...Shhhhhh!!!!

17. Can you recall a pleasant dream you'd like to share?
I can recall a pleasant dream. I would not like to share. That Mimi is nosy this week.

18. Under the covers or outside the covers
Hello darkness my old friend. I've come to talk with you again....

19. Insomniac or sleep angel?
Angelic insomniac

20. What is your favorite sleep aid for those tossin' and turnin' nights?
My nameless woobie.

21. Morning person or night person
Mornings are from Satan too!!!

22. Bedtime snack?
No. Carbs are not my friend.

23. Hot or cold room
Hot. Firm. Hot. Just hot.




24. Bedtime ritual?
Brush hair 100x as taught by my great-grandmother, who never in her entire life cut her long dark hair. It was so long she could sit on it. She was 90 when she passed and still had the most elegant hair put up in a French twist.

25. Twin, Queen, King, Bunk or Futon
Queen, what else?

26. Socks or naked feet
Feet.naked.yes.

27. Bedroom door locked or unlocked?
Depends on if there is a woobie around.

28. Tent or hotel room
Tent? TEENNTT?? Ah. No. Just no.

29. If you could be bored to sleep, what would bore you?
Rush Limbaugh.

30. Prayers or mantra?
Both.

31. What was the worst nightmare you ever had?
I dreamt I lost the peace globes.

32. Please share any ideas on how to stop a person from snoring.
I just sleepwalk out of the room and find another bed. Works for me. Until I get cold....

33. If one purely pleasant thought could ensure fast and sound deep sleep for you every night, what would your one thought be?

34. How many hours do you normally sleep?
Depends on how many "pleasant thoughts" I've had.

35. Thunderstorms or quiet starry night?
Last night a thunderstorm woke me up several times. To some people that might be annoying..but I loved it.

36. Warm bath or hot shower?
Hot shower first and then warm bath with bubbles. That combination is profoundly relaxing. Add herbal tea and it's heavenly.

37. What is the craziest thing that ever happened in your bed?
A possum crawled on me. I kid you not. Read it here.

38. Name a song you could fall asleep to.
Anything Sarah McLachlan ( I stole that answer from Dawn but it's true!)

39. Who last told you a bedtime story?
It was past midnight. He texted me a sweet dream xxoo. Does that count?
I thought so.
Goodnite.
xxxooo!!!


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