Monday, March 24, 2008

Monday Mimisms ~On Vacation With the Queen

Much to my surprise, the underlings at Unknown Parts International forgot to reserve the royalty coach for my flight to Parts Unknown. When I breezed into town last week they were busy running around checking airplane tires, the weather reports, reading emergency safety rules, and pleading with passengers to lock their seat belts until the plane stopped. How important could all that be?

Where is the red carpet? Trumpets? Isn't there supposed to be a servant with a pillow at the end of the runway with a crown on top? (no, I forgot.....that was a pageant 1982), a bouquet of dandelions somewhere?? (no.....that was my wedding 1975) or even a celebratory cake and fireworks for the Queen? Oh yeah....That was my divorce 1999. Didn't someone announce my arrival?

I vowed to get in pencil skirt trouble in my last post. So far, the first 48 hours have been "interesting" but totally unfit for public consumption. Suffice to say there was bail money involved. The man in the red Cadillac attempted to kidnap me. I escaped and pressed charges. Everything would have been just fine had I not gotten into an altercation with the processing department about that wickedly colored powder they were using on cute guy's fingernails. Don't they know anything about manicures? Hence: the arrest. Then sulked when I realized nobody (not even one of you!!) would post bail for the Queen.

He took me to his chateau in the hills of the Unknown Parts where he forced me to (gasp!) blog.

The rest is totally unbloggable.

I'll start from the beginning of my trip, skip the good parts, and proceed from there (so as not to give my mother a heart attack). Why did I teach her how to use a computer?

Ten Things I've Learned on Easter Vacation Thus Far......

1. If you don't bring a crown nobody knows who you are.

2. When the pilot says "it's going to be a bumpy ride" you should say 3 Hail Marys, recite the Ten Commandments The Pledge of Allegiance, and page 32 from "A Girl's Guide to Good Hair" in that order. Worked for me!

3. I asked for a white limousine to pick me up. Instead I was greeted by a handsome man in a red Cadillac.
Finally! Someone with some sense.

And it was fortunate that I was wearing my red coat to match.

4. Jails in this town do not have accommodations for royalty either. The airlines were a first clue to my dilemma. There was no room service!!

5. There is no creativity here at all. The bailiff told me I had one phone call to make to get me out of jail. I asked for a message bottle to throw in the ocean instead. I wasted my one opportunity to break free (and get a decent manicure) only to find there was no ocean. I planned for an ocean. They said there would be ocean. I see no ocean!

6. Not one person in the local CVS, the Laundromat, or Denny's Restaurant bowed, curtsied, or even waved. I tried waving first.
They just thought I was deaf.

7. By this time, the local jail was really tired of my hissy fits. - Custom comment codes for MySpace, Hi5, Friendster and more

8. The Cadillac Man tried to calm me down over the weekend with a romantic dinner for two in one of New England's Parts Unknown's finest restaurants. Things were looking up. But I had to hide my mug behind the menu most of the night. Word sure gets around in a small small town.

9. I discovered that all of you are still live in the same place in my computer. Why is that? I travelled seven hundred miles. Weren't your isp addresses supposed to change too? If the world is round and you travel round doesn't that make sense? I'll look into it before I start the Peace Globe campaign. I hope I don't have to change everyone's location in the gallery. Sigh.

10. Yesterday I visited Mrs. McGillicutty again and her favorite daughter Diane. You can read the story of how she tried to push me off this balcony
last year and the horrid cuticle disaster that preceded our dinner.

She said to tell you hi.

And last but not least......
11. The bad news is it's too cold for the bathing suit I packed. The good news is that I met up with the driver of the red Cadillac. It was our first date ever (so not true); once we survived the kidnapping attempt of course. After our brief stint in the slammer and paying an attorney to expunge our records, we learned to vacation quite well.
As long as he behaves himself.
I shall report. My pencil skirt is in hot water. - Custom comment codes for MySpace, Hi5, Friendster and more Hush Homer.

What posted on Mimi Writes one year ago today? Trees, Valleys, and Minuets

Copyright © 2006-2014 Mimi Lenox. All Rights Reserved. 


katherine. said...

then I guess you should have taken your royal self to California where we have the mighty Pacific...and I would have posted your bail..

hope the pencil skirt doesn't shrink in hot water....

Sandee (Comedy +) said...

What Katherine said. We could have both bailed you out of jail. I want to know more about the handsome man in the Cadillac. Just saying. Have a great day Mimi. :)

Bud Weiser, WTIT said...

What Sandee said. I woulda loaned you bail at a charitable 18% interest rate. Hey, want to hear a REAL coincidence? I drive the same kind of car. Wow. Small world. You gotta trust a guy in a red cadi!

Mimi Lenox said...

Katherine - I'm waiting for an invitation. I'll bring my bathing suit. We can frolic in the ocean!

Sandee - Read between the lines. The man in the red car lives here.

Bud Your charity astounds me. What a great friend. I'm touched.

Bud Weiser, WTIT said...

Mimi I would testify in court that you are "touched"... :)

Travis said...

I didn't understand any of that...but it made me laugh so I guess we can call this report a success.

I definitely like the red Caddy. But next time...I mean, you do take requests right? Next time could you get a picture with more of the car in it?


You know I'm a car guy! Just that little bit of grill and hood just won't do it for me.

Thank you dear...returning you back to your capers now.

Jeff B said...

But does he that is.

Burton said...

Hello Mimi -- I've heard nothing but good things about your blog from reading Lizza's adventures over at "I am Woman..." and so I recently decided to subscribe to your writing. Really enjoyed this one. Thanks for sharing. -- Burton

Carver said...

Your posts are always so creative and make me laugh. As Ms. Stewart would say, That is a very good thing.

Mimi Lenox said...

Bud - No question about that.

Travis - Got it. More car. You're such a guy!
And when have you ever been here and understand EVERY word I said??!

Jeff - He definitely that is.

Burton - Thank you. Welcome to my world.

Carver - Laughing is a good thing. Very good.

bundle-o-contradictions said...

A vacation to envy. All I have to look forward to is hot springs...traveling in a pickup. No Caddy for the Contrary One. My driver's handsome, though. ;) Can't wait for the next installment!

Linda said...

Jail? They threw you in jail? Sigh .. leave it to you to go on vacation and end up in the slammer with dirty cuticles!

What are we going to do with you?

Akelamalu said...

If you'd come to England proper you would have been treated like a Queen - we know how to treat Queens here!

Hope the rest of the vacation goes well. xx

Anndi said...

I'm just going to sit here and smile. :)

Mimi Lenox said...

Autumn -I can't either.

Linda - Trouble follows me. Even to Parts Unknown.

Akelamalu - You're right. But I must say that where I am at the moment is pretty close to the royal treatment.

Anndi - Smile away....I always love your clever comments.

Patti said...

'Tis a good thing Homer has accompanied you to Parts Unknown, Mimi.
He is a good protector, right?

I'm not sure about men driving Cadillacs. Some of them can be dangerous.

Mimi Lenox said...

Patti - Only in the movies....

Speedcat Hollydale said...

Mimi, I think I love this post. Very nice work ...
The only disturbing parts are when you do not get the full resect you deserve. I want to let you know that if ever you would like me to punch somebody in the gut for you - I will be over in a flash. My 0007 jet is ready and waiting!

Desert Songbird said...

You can't go anywhere without getting into a royal mess, can you?

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