Monday Mimisms ~ Pages From My Diary

Listen, Peeps. This is Homer the Palace Dog speaking:
I didn't want to have to tell you this but she leaves me no choice. While our dear Queen was away on blogvation (aka nirvana for moi) I was in hog's heaven.

While there really was no food in the house worth eating (she left me a salmon casserole but I fed it to the fishies in the moat then I heard a strange croaking death sound please oh god don't tell her) anyway....I had a chance to go through her files while she was away on "business" (barf).
She left me the run of the place. I sent all the prisoners to the mall with her credit card. I even slept in her Queen bed. Ha!

Did she really think I wouldn't find that diary key under her mattress?
She's blogged about it for four years now.
I only pretend I can't read so she won't make me proofread her gibberish.

Here's the 1st juicy entry I found from 1974:And she calls herself a writer.

Entry 2: 1974 page 32 green bound diary with a picture of Davy Jones in the front
page titled "After the dance"...This should be good.
She writes, "He kissed me at the car but my brother saw it and told on me. I hate him!"
So much for brotherly love from our beloved Queen.

Entry 3: 1973 page 82 March 28 with a picture of a soldier and a smashed 4-leaf clover in the book between the pages.
"Get the shit out of Vietnam!"
Entry 4: 1973 page 75 March 14 with stupid fat hippie flowers all over the page
"I love Davy. I love Davy. I love Davy. I love Davy."
If you'll notice, she didn't even know what day it was!!

Entry 5: 1975 page January 3 flower power cover with picture of Earth Wind Fire and Captain and Tennille (she was suuuch a rocker back then)
"Robert wants to pick me up Saturday night for the football game but I heard he was a player and smokes drugs. How will I get the smell out of my hair after the date?
Must. buy. shampoo. today."

Entry 6: 1974 page 10 January 10 smells like boy cologne.
"I'm grounded. I hate my mother."

Entry 7: 1974 page 365 December 31 smells like ant poison with a picture of her mother in a dart frame
"I'm still grounded. But I love Jesus."
I'm beginning to wonder....

Entry 8:
At least she got the day right that time.

Entry 9 :
1973 November 22
"I will take the privilege of expressing my opinion on the Vietnam War in this space.
A letter to The President of The United States."
Bwaahaahaahaaahhhh

Entry 10:
This is more like it.

Drats! I hear her on the stairs. You better read this fast. I'm going to delete it all before she sees it. And just when I'm getting to the juicy parts. Who wants to read her serious side on the evils of war?? Why would she think people would be interested in peace?
Oh.
Never mind.
Good thing I have my own password.
And key.

Entry 11: I KNEW there was scandal!
To be continued......
She's back!

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