The Place I'm In

"It's your essence. The core of this rose is who you are. Who you are destined to be. The real you. It is who you are. Trust it," wrote one Mimi Lenox in January 2007 after a day's visit at the cemetery.

To visit Papa.

I'd needed a sign. A word. An affirming nod from Heaven.
I got a fiery rose underneath leaves in a graveyard and the remembrance of a dream.

Whenever I am faced with a major decision, my dreams become vivid and symbolic. I've learned over the years, to listen to them - to trust my instincts and follow the current of what is happening at the moment. Back in January when I needed my "sign" I was about to take a huge leap of faith and make some major changes in my life. Although I didn't get specific directions that day, I did receive exactly what I needed. And the answer came in the form of remembering my "rose dream" in which an unfolding rose petal with a fiery red middle represents my essence -the core of who I really am - the authentic Mimi Lenox.

It reminds me to trust me. It gives me courage. It centers me.

This time, it caused me to trust an impulse to open myself to love again. A decision I will never regret.

This week it was the house dream. The one I've had over and over for years. Always the same house. And the dream never fails to show up when I'm at a crossroads. In the dream, I'm in the third story annex nestled underneath the dormers of a large white house. I climb up the same set of stairs, open a small door into this upstairs addition and start to walk around. The doorway is narrow and I have to stoop down to step through, but once inside, the rooms are expansive and connected by a narrow hallway. And white. Some rooms are finished and furnished, others are in stages of construction, sometimes people from my past are there, loved ones who've passed, or just me. This time I was alone.

I get the sense that it is a house of "discovery" and I never quite find the treasure. I go from room to room and peek in the door, touch the wood, sit down or simply visit for a second.
Sometimes I stay and listen and sometimes I move on to the next alcove, but I always feel incredibly energized - as if there's a story in each room and I must finish it. Every nook and cranny holds adventure and unending possibility. There's a secret of substance that I must find. ......like I'm visiting a museum in my mind and all I have to do is sit there awhile and the answer will come.

So this week, armed with the fiery rose and a house full of dreams, I made a major decision and stepped into it - but it wasn't exactly what I'd anticipated - and it wasn't the ending I would have originally chosen for my story - but it did make me peaceful.

When I catch my breath and settle into the words, I will share it with you.

But for now I will say that it has left me in a solitary place.

Just me and my pencil skirt.

And a rose

And a room

And more stories to write......