A Letter To Santa

Can we talk?

I went to the North Pole website to write a letter to you just like I was supposed to do. I like all the candy canes and reindeer hats by the way. And Mrs. Claus is looking younger this year. Did she get that Botox order I sent? Maybe she's just happy to be there all snugly warm with the big guy. She's all smiles.

But I am not smiling.

I have a complaint......or two.
It's about those questions on the form.
How do you expect me to answer truthfully if I've been naughty or nice?

Does lying count as naughty?

I thought so.
Darn.

OK! I'll change my age back to 35 where it's supposed to be. Happy now?

Furthermore, you are not supposed to ask kids where they live. Don't you know that today's children don't talk to Internet strangers? If you want to be taken seriously, consider opening up a Shop on My Space. And anyway, you are supposed to know where everybody lives.

I cannot tell (another) lie. I hate this naughty/nice stuff.
Is this a trick question?
Can't a girl be naughty AND nice? The old you-can't-be-pretty-AND-smart adage should not apply here. Must we be relegated to Stepford Wife mentality? The truth is......(are the elves listening? They may be too young to hear this.)

.....Sometimes I'm naughty and sometimes I'm nice.

(click to enlarge)

It works out perfectly most of the time.
Get rid of the question, Santa Boy - it's outdated. Wake up and smell the fruitcake, will ya?!

And now, about that Clumsy elf.
I ask you for World Peace and you send me an elf named Clumsy?
Very funny, Santa.
What were you thinking? And who have you been talking to? Rumsfeld?
OK. OK.....I'll admit it. I misplaced the Peace Globes for a few days!
So what?