Don't Make Me Blog That

Thank God and all my lucky stars I was not in a hurry today.

I was first in line at the stoplight turning left. Everybody, including God and his brothers, were on their way to the grocery store for the big snow storm we're supposed to get tomorrow.

I needed bread, canned mandarin oranges, and a black sharpie pen. Not exactly an emergency.

Except that I wanted to get home before dark.
Green light go! Almost to the store.

Signalling. Turning. Pushing the gas.....Busy traffic. This snow thing in the south is amusing. There won't be any bread left on the shelf. I'm sure of it.
Starting my left turn.....

when the oblivious driver in the noisy red pickup truck ran the red light just a few seconds before my left driver's side almost turned straight into his path.

I held my breath
My foot hit the brake
Hand to mouth
I couldn't scream

Traffic stopped and the fool went on his merry way, probably not even realizing that he'd almost caused an intersection massacre.
Thank God I was looking.

Exhaling.

The man in the SUV beside me - who had also had to slam on brakes - was cursing and white as a ghost. In a split second my life could have been over. His life. And a slew of other people who happened to be in the path of one reckless driving fool.

Just a few seconds without warning. What a thought.

Right there in the middle of the road. In the middle of town. With no one around but me and God and ambulance drivers and strangers and flashing red lights. Suddenly, I felt incredibly alone.

We resumed our paths and cautiously crept through the turn, the ghost-faced man heading straight through town and onto the interstate. I pulled over for a cup of coffee. I sat in the parking lot of the fast food place looking at the scene that almost was.If I hadn't been paying attention, my family would be getting a phone call right now.

Could my spirit have hovered peacefully over them there in the misty rain......and been truly ready to leave them?

The answer is no.

I had to ask myself - what is the last thing I said to all of them?

The very last thing.

My son and I went out to dinner last week. I joked with him about his new suit and dark sunglasses that brought out the "mafia" look. He smiled that crooked smile of his that melts me every time. And then - in true pencil skirt fashion (forgive me, son) - he put on a scary dramatic face and snapped a silly picture. "Don't make me blog that," I told him. We laughed and talked.
Will somebody tell him to straighten his tie when I'm gone? We parted with a quick peck on the cheek, goodbye in the car and "I love you - I love you too" exchange as always. Those would have been our last words. Check. Good.

My blue-eyed baby boy, his son.....did I get all the hugs I needed last week? Did I squeeze hard enough? Sometimes when I call he is "busy playing" and can't come to the phone. "I'll call ya back, Mimi," I hear him say. "Later."

There won't always be a later.

My sister today on the phone. Nope. Just our usual "Have you talked to your mother?" conversation and laughter about the crazy snow predictions and grocery lines. A quick "catch ya later." She's still not shopping with me since I disgraced the family with my pink feather fan in the local toy store.

Score zero for that one.

My parents? Hmmm.......another quick "How are you doing today?" conversation.

My mother and I chatted about nothing. Boring subjects like laundry and dress sales. Dodging the typical guilt trip from her. You know. The usual. And we were through with a click, taking for granted we would talk again.

But she did not put my Dad on the phone.

What is the last thing I said to him? Think!

Oh, I remember. Check. Good on that one too.

And then I thought.......what about other people in my life who mean so much to me. Are there scores to settle? Mysteries to solve? Questions to ask? Praise to give? Can I whittle through the "stuff" with them and pare it down to what matters?

Why should I talk about the weather when I want to walk through their hurt?

Which would they remember?

Forecasts of doom or my hand on their shoulder?

Does my heart need to spill? Would I be happy leaving them now with still so much to ponder? Do they know where to find my journals? I've said it all there.

Haven't I?

No. I have not said it all.

Where does my unfinished business lie?

Did I say what I wanted to say? EVERYTHING I wanted to say?

No. Not so good on that one.

Not so good.

Mimi Writes one year ago today? I've Got The Memes