I went to the doctor. He said there is no cure. I said "Doc, I am speaking in questions."
Doc: How absurd. Never heard of such a thing. What are your symptoms?
"Would you like to tell me 9 weird things about yourself first?" I asked. "See??!"
I tried to tell him that once upon a time a guy from England named Yaxlich who wears his underpants on his blog crowned me Mimi Queen of Memes cause I'd become addicted to memes and all my friends were doing it and I just didn't see how I could stop running around with this mean crowd and I'd tried to attend Blogaholics but with my royal duties elsewhere never found the time and now I'm in charge of this carnival because the bestest blog asked me to do so and I feel like I'm drowning in a sea of memes which only exacerbates this terrible itching from my annoying crown and I can't even go to the grocery store without somebody asking for a blessing or a pardon or a beheading or an autograph and I don't know what I'm going to do with all these people coming to the castle on Monday to show me their memes.
I took a breath.
He took a Valium.
He took a Valium.
"Why did you just say that all in one breath without stopping, Miss Lenox?"
"Because every time I take a breath and begin a new sentence it ends in a question mark, don't ya see? Can you understand that people are really getting tired of that?"
"You say you live in a castle?"
"Isn't that what I said?"
"Miss Lenox, why don't take another deep breath and tell me about your....er....meme-itis and your carnival friends."
Queen is losing her patience.
"Well.......actually I feel grateful that I live in such a nice castle, Frank lives in a cave you know and then there's my boyfriend Bud who lives in a tape radio station and then of course there's Empress Bee of the High Sea Epiphany lives alone well not really but that's what it says on her blog door and SGT will probably bring pictures of desert snow from Afghanistan to the party because Annelisa is bald and lives in the clouds while my friend Starr poses as a beautiful fairy that's sort of like a ladybug-in-waiting in case you're wondering Wendz is bringing baguettes from the south of France Bond sleeps on a very long couch waiting for Sanni's German lattes Turnbaby handles my legal affairs Lizza just lost half her face again Maryam recently fell in love with a magazine while GEM speaks French in Pennsylvania and then there's the stress of trying to erase the apparent hair on my arms that appeared on my official Queen photograph like some sort of royal affliction while manipulating the density of my royal blog so I'm about to lose my mind if I don't get some relief so or someone is going to lose their head and oh I almost forgot about Prometheus.
"What's wrong with him?"
"He only has one finger, is there a cure for that,doctor?"
"I'll be right back Miss Lenox with some medication."
"For Prometheus' fingers?"
"No, for your hair affliction."
"How did you know I'm conflicted about my hair. Do you read my blog?"
He curtsied and left.
"Doctor," I heard the nurse asked, "She's awful fussy. What's wrong with her?"
Must be another one of those American Idol contestants.
She thinks she's a Queen.