Friday, August 3, 2007

I Want To Glaze Into Your Eyes

Each Saturday, I host a competition called The Comeback Challenge at Dating Profiles of the Day. It's a frivolously ridiculous spoof on the grammatical/spelling errors and unintentionally twisted words found on dating sites and in personals ads. I just posted Round 35 and contestants have until Monday night 11:59 pm EST to email their answers. We've had some hot contests on Saturdays and many of you have laid down the smack. Hysterical stuff! Unlike other spoofy sites you may have seen, I do try to emphasize the obvious hilarity found when vowels and consonants get mixed up, skewed context meanings or just flat out funny headlines - hopefully, never in a mean-spirited way. I hope my humor does not offend anyone seriously seeking romance on a dating site - it CAN happen and often does - there are legitimately honest folks to be found in the personals whether online or in your local newspaper - but they are truly few and far between. I just haven't found any real romance on a dating site, but I have found some hysterically funny goof-ups.

"I Want to Glaze Into Your Eyes" is my all-time favorite profile goof - and the winning answer by Epiphany Alone was "Please donut do that."
I still laugh out loud every time I read it.Here are a few of the silliest comeback answers from you, the players, in past competitions. And if you've never played, just click HERE and join in the fun this week. This is the best of the best.

Bachelor said "I love the outdoors, yet I live in a town."
Epiphany Alone said "You should've moved to a town with a retractable roof."

Bachelor: To be big you have to think big.

 Jan: To make you go can I just think gone?

Bachelor: I am fairly bright. I'm continually learning. I could get smarter 
Mimi: I am fairly certain it is time for a bulb change.

Bachelor: Honest Man with tainted past. 
Linda: Seeks someone to dye for!

Bachelor: I am very much involved in mid evil re-enactment's, no not the renaissance. I like playing my guitar, writing my own music,and singing.
Michael: When I said I was looking for a knight in shining armor, I was just kidding.

Bachelor: I know that I am looking for the imposable but I am not giving up hope. 
Matt-Man: You shouldn’t give up hope. I am a former hand and knee model, but the effects of arthritis and chronic joint pain have made me very imposable. Your wish has come true. Call Me !!
Bachelor: Can you rev my engine? 
Bond: Can you eat my dust?

Bachelor: I can black-tie.

Bud: I can black-eye. You have been warned....
Bachelor: Let's get happy together. 
Lyn: I'll get happy over here and you can get happy over there.

Bachelor: Licensed to thrill 
Bond: Suspending your license

Bachelor: Look if your looking for FLASH in the PAN hit the road its not ME! I'm REAL and I don't write things to IMPRESS anyone.
 Dr. Blogstein: I think WE are soul MATES as I have the SAME all caps problem that YOU do.
Bachelor: I'm the last of a dieing bread.
Bond: So sad when all that is left is the end piece no one wants. 
Frank: You're not trying to butter me up, are you? 
SGT DUB: Hope you feel better and rise soon.

Matt-Man: I am a crusty but lovable guy who just adores white or dark rye. Let my love be the yeast that PUMPS YOU UP !! Let's get together and make a sandwich!!
Bachelor: Be the flower in my vase. 
Michael: Only if you promise not to be the thorn in my side
Tisha: How 'bout the nip in your bud!

Linda: Not if you were the last blooming idiot alive!
Bachelor: Don't Fry Bacon Naked. Been There.

Dr. Blogstein: Bacon, huh? Wanna strip?
Bud: Stay there.
Bachelor: To thine on self be true. 
Daniel: Well, it's a start.
Bachelor: I am devorced but not better. Life is to short to be better. I try to look at the brieght side of things.I have not dated for 19 years so this is a strang feeling but good. 
Sanni: While reading your lines I have the strange feeling I want to vanish in thin air. Strange feeling but good
 Ian: On the plus sied I spel relly gud

Bachelor: Oh.,and the picture of the little boy is me when I was 5. Yes, that is an expert level lego for ages 16. That has been my primary source of pride throughout my life. 
Starrlight: Your mother must be so proud. Someone put on a copy of "I Believe I Can Fly" 
 Bachelor: You must be within 25 miles of my city!! Why 25 miles? Because it's divisible by five. That's a reasonable distance to jump in my car and meet up and do stuff.
Matt-Man: I am impressed with anyone who can jump into their car from 25 miles away. You sound cool!!

Bachelor: I'm an easy going guy that aims to please and doesn't require much maintenance. The type that can take structural criticism without getting my feelings hurt. 
Ian: Does he think this is something to BUILD on? Good FOUNDATIONS make good relationships, and this guy isn’t going to WALL off his feelings. I’m FLOORED

The simple thinks are the most important to me.
Linda: I simply think you are an idiot!
 Bud: Complex thinks are more appealing. It is brave of you to admit this.

Bachelor: Single guy looking for someone who is comfortable sitting at home or going out. Someone not worried about whether people see them dirty. My likes are wide.
 Karen: I need to know…will it bother you if I’m clean?

Bachelor: I would like to find a woman that makes me fell like a man.
Bud: What scares me here is I think English might be his first language

Bachelor: God Didn't Intend For Us To Be Along! 
Sgt Dub: Short people got nobody. 
Lyn: He did however intend for you to be alone.
Bachelor: Looking for someone that can show there real self without realizing it.

Bond: There. Did you realize it? Wait I can do it again. There.
Empress Bee: Well I usually do not realize it when I show my real seft, know what I mean? Me neither. See you in an hour.

Bachelor: I am a licensed plumber by habit but I would rather be sailing.
 Uncle Artemus: I got into the habit of plumbing back in high school, hanging out with the cool kids in the empty lot next to the Industrial Arts Building, sweating copper pipe fittings and practicing garbage disposal installation. If only I had sailed instead, but no, I had to plumb

Bachelor: Hanky Seeks Panky!

Anyhow: Hanky goes home disappointed

Bachelor: I'm in the dark. Are U afraid of the dark?
Skittles: I am now.

Bachelor: Higher Standard? Lower it a bit for me. 
SGT Dub: What’s lower than zero?

Bachelor: What do you think? Do you think it could be you? I think it could. The future is wide open and it will be what we make of it. Anything is possible. In the words of Emerson, "If we are related, we shall meet."
Anyhow Blogs: In the words of Quentin Crisp, "If at first you don't succeed, failure may be your style."
Bachelor: Most attractive women I meet seem to bore me.
Turnbaby: Well sugar then you are even
Bachelor: I'm Just an Oyster Cracker on the Stew

Bobbarama: I'm a riddle, wrapped inside a mystery, inside an enigma. Even I don't know what I'm talking about.

Bachelor: my personality is like a bullfrog in a blinder. As four my match she must be fun and love to get out of the house.
Belle Princess: A bullfrog in my blinder is more than enough to get me out of my house. Four sure.

Bachelor: Most attractive women I meet seem to bore me.
Peter/Necessary Skills: Interesting! What size bit? Signed Dominatrix

Bachelor: I'm Just an Oyster Cracker on the Stew.

Bud: You’re cracking me up.

Bachelor:. I don't know if I want to get married again. I can be ready in 10 minutes or less.

Epiphany Alone: I'm schizophrenic and so am I.
Bachelor: Sharp dressers and good kissers make me weak in the knees.
Spinners: What made you weak in the brain?
Bachelor: I will be honest weather u like it or not 
Ian: Snow foolin’, he’d really let his love rain supreme. But suntime, when you least expect it, he’ll graupel you and wind up going to hail for his efforts
Bachelor: I will be honest weather u like it or not. 
Bud: Good, I hate dishonest weather. What’s it going to be like tomorrow?
Bachelor: Sharp dressers and good kissers make me weak in the knees. 
Bud: You are in no danger of falling down

Bachelor: Looks Ant Every Thing 
Frank: So you are over the hill

Bachelor: Catch Your Eyes?
Spinners: Drop your brain?

Bachelor: My life has been full of trials and trumps.
Ian: Ivana?

Today's headline? "Throw Another Ken on the Barbie"
I kid you not! Come know you wanna play. Click


Akelamalu said...

LOL Those are soooo funny!

Bond said...

already challenged Matt-Man to get back into the game....

welcome back dear Ms. Mimi...

miss ya

Linda said...

I still don't understand why it is that most of the really snappy comebacks to the stupid stuff men say is from men themselves! I swear they practice this stuff in front of mirrors and then toss it out when it sounds really lame even to themselves!

This post had to be a lot of work - A. LOT. OF. WORK. But it was fun reading those answers again!

Travis said...

Oh man - those were so funny!

Matt's "imposable" response had me LOL for 5 minutes.

Much applause for the wit on display!

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