Monday Mimisms with Mimi Queen of Memes ~ Groovin' With Grandpa
I need another meme like I need another meme. But if I don't finish one today I'm going to have to throw myself in the infamous dungeon. I made this up. Feel free to steal or modify for your own wicked purposes. Cue the music.
Ten Reasons NOT to Go To a Singles Dance
1. False advertising. Nobody is really single. They're all paired up. Do you see anybody dancing alone??
2. Everybody knows why you're there but pretends that's not why they're there.. Obviously, you can't get a date the noorrrmal way. If they only knew I was a Queen.
3. The floors are too slick and they echo. It's hard to make a subtle entrance with a crown on your head in the first place, much less trying to tap g-e-t-m-e-o-u-t-o-f-h-e-r-e .... with Morse code in three-inch heels.
4. You can't lie. Nobody believes your boyfriend is in the bathroom for that long.
5. You can't lie. Nobody believes you have a boyfriend at all.
6. Sweaty palms are not attractive. They sweat more when you lie.
7. There is no law against Drinking and Dancing. Sweat mixed with beer is doubly not attractive. The upside? You can walk away and the fool still thinks you're there. YUK.
7. "Somebody" left me alone to dance with ex-girlfriend #32 since we were ONLY there as friends. What was I THINKING??! I got stuck with a ninety-two-year-old man who wanted to frisk me.
7. I just typed #7 three times and I wasn't the one drinking!
8. The DJ is always a lot cooler and cuter than your date. Who am I kidding? The ninety-two-year-old man was a lot cuter than my date. I do not want to be girlfriend #33.
9. If you skip the dance lesson before the actual dance begins, you're up disco street without a black light, but since I tripped the geriatric light fantastic all night - nobody noticed.
10. And the number one reason not to go to a singles dance:
You can't wear a pencil skirt. They're too tight and I fell down slid around split the side didn't like it at all.
Maybe next week I'll try a square dance. At least everyone would bow to me.
Wouldn't they?
16 comments:
The first step is always the most difficult when you have not walked in a while....
I'm so glad I don't have to date after reading this!
Square dancing - don't you get to change partners a lot - a bit like speed dating!
if you want my advice for success at a "singles dance" :: wear dirty knickers and a wedding ring ... you're certain to score! ... can't go wrong!
everyone will always bow to you darlin'!
smiles, bee
Oh my... sounds like one of those 30+ parties around here. I went there twice... the first and the last time. Well, okay... once: the first WAS the last time *LOL*
My "10 lies" are up - can´t wait to get my "out-of-the-dungeon"-wildcard =D
xoxoxo
Bond - It's not the walking part that bothers me, it's the falling.
Akelamalu - You just made me sick to my stomach, sweetie. Speed dating was even worse than this - I tried it once upon a time.....now there's a story.
Gledwood - Great idea!
But I won't be trying it.
Sigh.
Miss Bee - You're so sweet. I promise to never put you in the dungeon again!
Sanni - First of all, I saw your Cinquain on cinq.blogspot.com and it is fabulous. I love your new avatar you beautiful woman you.
Now, about the dancing. I LOVE to dance but hate sweaty palms. The only reason I would actually on purpose "square dance" is if I were in an Oklahoma production!
Sanni- You're out of the dungeon!
More power to you just for trying..At least you'll have plenty to blog about if that's any consolation! ;-)
Peace
I don't bow.. I curtesy...
Do you really want to attend a Hoe-down? (bad bad joke Anndi.. shut-up, maybe she'll giggle and feel better.. who said that?..)
Oh God! Bond's voices followed me!!!
**runs screaming**
**trips in peeptoes**
Well, I'm at your feet...
When it comes to Singles Dances I think the only thing I would be doing is "The Chicken Dance" so it's better that I just not go at all!
Hi Mimi; I can't believe you're on the singles scene.
If only I weren't on the other side of the Atlantic (and happily married) you'd never be single again! Love from Bazza.
Two words for you dear - ballroom class. It's a great place to meet interesting people, and you can go alone.
Lots of people go alone.
Plus, you have a much better time dancing and the music isn't as loud.
Oh - and my lady says the male instructors are sexy. I wouldn't know about that.
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