Monday, April 13, 2020

Monday Mimisms ~ Coronavirus For Baby Boomers

Don't blink or you'll miss it.

We're all just trying not to die.
Life in the land of corona has turned fools into deep thinkers and the cerebral into fools.
Do you feel the shift? Have you heard your doors whispering? Can you hear insanity calling? 
Don't tell... but I think it might be the placebo effect weighing heavily on our collective paranoia - nothing to be concerned about really. It's just that for baby boomers we reluctantly understand that this long strange trip just got a lot stranger.
We all read Orwell's 1984 in high school.

I see long lines of upper middle class SUVs waiting for loaves of bread and sacks of potatoes to be tossed into lifted hatchback trunks in food pantry drive-throughs. Masked people wearing worry like a sleeve. Unmasked people worrying about the people in the masks. We see you much more clearly than you think; there's something about hiding one's face that brings out bravado and brilliance -ask any bank robber, heart surgeon, or keyboard bully. I see confused children sitting alone with laptops in living rooms with no teacher - learning lessons they are too young to understand.  And then there's us. But don't worry about the boomers...we survived polyester pantsuits and Jim Baker. We'll be all right.

I've been alone a long time by choice. 

 I love my independence and enjoy my own company - but I've never felt this lonely. 
I sensed it so keenly over Easter
weekend. And it has
given rise to that funky little byproduct of jail time  - perspective.

I've put off writing about how this pandemic has affected me. It seems so selfish. After all, I'm not hungry or unemployed or suffering physically from this unforgiving plague. I'm so sad for those who are. So sad I can hardly stand it.  What is WRONG with me?? I asked. I'm usually the voice of reason and peace. Why can't I handle a little bit of gigantic amount of stress??   Oh.  Maybe because it's not normal to keep an ongoing global headcount of people dying by the hour on the big screen TV we call life?  It's our new normal.  
A normal we all hate.

I realized that if I don't get something scribbled on blog paper soon, I'm going to explode and
 maybe take a few people with me. It's been building in a way that made me worry more about my pride and less about snapping at people I care about. That can't be healthy: so here I am writing at midnight. It's my way of getting a grip on something nobody has
 control over. Unrealistic much, Mimi? Maybe. But it's my way.
Businessman, Newspaper, Read, World
  I began self-isolating the first week of March, opening pick-up grocery accounts and exploring pharmacy delivery options. I've been determined to stay put for my own safety and in consideration for others.  I haven't been sick with any COVID-19 symptoms that I'm aware of, but since I'm in the high-risk category even the slightest cough or warm-cheek feeling sends my head spinning with fear.    I'm having trouble sleeping and my dreams are prophetically urgent. Is this what happens to soldiers in foxholes? Now, I get it.
We've become instant hypochondriacs. Or maybe I should just speak for myself.

When this is over, we'll have a nation and world full of PTSD.  Some of us already had enough life drama to deal with thank you very much. We didn't need forced quarantine to mess with our heads.  Eternal solitude is not good for our mental health. But I'll tell you what it IS good for - 

Is anybody home? 

I miss touch.
I miss kisses.
I miss hugs.
I miss looking into someone's eyes knowing what they're going to say before they say it. Boomers are intuitive because psychedelic rock lyrics made us Grateful...but not Dead.  
Did you catch that?  

One day soon, when all this is over and the world begins to turn again, I'm going to make sure all my face-to-face encounters mean something more than a hasty hello and goodbye.  I might wink at stray dogs and millennials for a change.
Medical, Doctor, Virus, Coronavirus
 There are people I'm waiting to embrace - I mean really embrace.  Oh, I'm making my list. And those kisses....well..... I'll keep that to myself for now. There are those I want to love on awhile and listen to their housebound war stories. I'll let them tell me all about it over cups of steaming coffee and vodka shots. Some I will never look at the same way again because when the long strange trip drops a sledgehammer of perspective on your quarantined doorstep, you suddenly have miles and miles of minutes to think about wasted time.  
Ain't nobody got time for that. 

 BC (Before Coronavirus) was just stale cornbread in a souffle world. 
We've just learned how alive life is supposed to be. 

We're all just trying not to die.

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Milo and Alfie Marshall said...

This post says it all, thank you. We've all been given a chance, even in these most horrible circumstances, to stop and re-value our lives. It's right and proper that we should come out of this a little different, grow.
Jan, Milo and Alfie.

Susan Demeter said...

Beautifully said. As scary as this has been it is also an opportunity to transform.

Mimi Lenox said...

Thanks for visiting me, Jan. We're not even halfway through the beginning it seems. Hang on, friend.

Mimi Lenox said...

Susan - It's good to see you today. I hope we don't fall back into complacency.

Finding Pam said...

Oh Mimi, I am so sad to hear this. I can't imagine how hard this quarantine is on a single person Loneliness is what a lot of people suffer from. My best friend is a widow and the loneliness is about to get her. My prayer for you and her is that God will heal your sadness and worry. I am blessed that I have a husband. We are both loners in this World. Of the two, I am more social and like you I miss the hugs and love of friends and family, and I especially miss my little country church. Take heart Mimi and keep writing your beautiful words. Peace and love my friend.

Mimi Lenox said...

Pam - I'm good. Really. I have daily contact with people who are great friends. Not being able to touch loved ones is so hard for everyone in this craziness. This too shall soon pass.
You are blessed with a good man. Thanks for being supportive to so many.

Sherry Blue Sky said...

So good to read you, Mimi. We shall write our way through this, as so many other things. I get discouraged that, while experts are calling for a stop of wildlife trafficking and the closing of wet markets where this virus began, the markets re-opened the minute the lockdown ended. Now experts are talking about the next pandemic. I grow so weary that humans do not learn. We do not learn that life - and HOW we live - means so much more than money. Something the aborigines have always known. Stay safe.

The Gal Herself said...

You miss the tactile: the touches, kisses and hugs. I miss not being afraid. As you began your post: we're all trying not to die.

I'm scared about money, since the stock market's precipitous slide has had a very negative impact on my retirement savings. I worry about the credit card payment I sent two weeks ago that still hasn't been received. I worry about my dwindling supply of spray disinfectant. But most of all, I'm afraid of the virus.

I know we'll all come through this. But the times are messing with my head, too!

Mimi Lenox said...

Gal - There's no sense pretending it's not scary and life-altering. I had a strangely emotional weekend when it all kind of hit me at once. It didn't help that it was the anniversary of Mama's passing. Loneliness really set in for awhile & I caved. Then I got it all out on paper & I feel much better.

I respect the virus & just do what I can to keep myself healthy and build up my immune system. Stress is the enemy, too.

You mentioned the mail being slow (I've noticed missing things as well). I'm sorry this has affected your retirement plan. Very worrisome.

Besides trying not to die, we have many more things to be concerned about at the same time. For me, focusing on the future has helped. Planning all those reunions and pent-up hugs is helping.

We WILL be OK but this doesn't mean it isn't hard now.

Mimi Lenox said...

Sherry - You always amaze me with your knowledgeable comments on the subjects involving environment & animals. It is a concern.
Thank you for visiting and commenting. So good to "see" you..

Travis Cody said...

Hello dear Lady! Take some virtual hugs and kisses from your friendly neighborhood silly man Trav and put them in your pockets.

Mimi Lenox said...

Travis (Dancing Bee) - So happy to see you here (*imagine exclamation point - keyboard broken*) Virtuals received and pocketed. Sending some back to you as well.

Mark In Mayenne said...

Hi Mimi, thanks for dropping by my blog. I always read your posts, even if I don't comment much.

Stay well,

Mimi Lenox said...

Hi Mark - Glad to see you doing well. Stay safe in that lovely French countryside.

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