Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Fifty Shades of Mr. Walkie

 They won't let me have the Walkie-talkie at work anymore. What a crock! Who decides who gets to talkie in the walkie anyway? It's a free country ya know!

*approaching person-in-charge*
"Where is my Walkie-talkie this morning?"
"Mr. So & So has it."
"Oh, thanks. I'll get it from him. Have a great day O-Person-In-Charge!"
"Wait...wait....just wait a minute..."
"Yes? Would you like me to relay a message for you?! Bring you a cheeseburger? Coffee? I'd be glad to..."
"No, Mimi. It's about the Walkie-talkie."
*suddenly remembers the accidental drop to the concrete floor yesterday while adjusting my skirt*

"I didn't break it. I swear!"

"It's not broken, Mimi."
"Whew! Good! That's a relief."
"But you can't have it."

"Oh? Why not?"

Because you talk in it.

**imagine look of confusion**

"It's a Walkie-talkie, Ma'am. That's what it's for."
"Oh, Miss Pencil Skirt?"
"With all due respect, I really need my official WT for my official duty which starts in about 5 seconds." (**imagine a hand-it-over look**)
"I'm afraid I can't do that, Dear."
"Why not?"
"Because your colleagues have complained to me that you are talking into the Walkie-talkie."
"But it's a Walkie-TALKIE."
"Not for dishing last night's phone calls, not for riddles and rhymes and not for good mornings."
"I only said Guten Morgen once! Once! And that was to the German professor. Don't you have a sense of humor?" 
"OK OK OK...I won't talk in it anymore. I promise."

"But what about the singing, Mimi....We'd really rather you didn't sing in the Walkie-talkie during your official official business. Others all over the building can heeeaaar you."

"But I'm warming up!!!   I'm a singer. That's what I dooooo."
No one was amused to hear "Let it snow let it snow let it snow" 5,000 times at 7:45 in the morning I'll tell ya.
"Ya gotta admit it snowed. Don't you believe in my special powers?"
"Well, there is that." 

"If you give me back the Walkie-talkie, I promise to sing only by special request or if someone has a birthday. Does that help?"
And I will whisper into the thingy ever so softly when I have something to report.
But what if a person of interest walks in the door? Don't you want me to telllll you? Signal you? Call 911? Something??
"Because half the time you push the wrong buttons and scare Mr. Sleepy Janitor half to death during his morning nap and we can't have that, Miss Skirt. I'm afraid your talkie walkie days are over.     And I really hate to add this, Miss Skirt, but if a real person of interest walked through the door they would have you tied up and gagged before you found the right button to call for help."

I knew it! She HAS been reading Fifty Shades of Grey! But I swear I never gossiped about it. For real.
 She looked at me with that I-can-read-your-mind-look and I put the silk ties away.

"We've placed you in a less trafficked part of the building, Mimi, where a real emergency is not as likely to occur."
**shaking my head knowing that she is not quite understanding that in any such case of a real emergency I have trained myself to run. Very fast. San heels. Doesn't she know anything? People should have an emergency plan ya know.**  

Whoever heard of a Walkie-talkie you couldn't talk in?
I am so misunderstood.

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Red Shoes said...

It would be highly entertaining to be a fly on the wall when you are at work... or probably any other time...


Mimi Lenox said...

Jim - The harder I try not to cause trouble the more trouble I cause. It's a gift.

Michelle said...

LOL It's funny, but it's also not funny. You work with a very sad bunch of people.

Red Shoes said...

I totally understand, Mimi... I seem to have that same gift! :oD

Good morning...


Sherry Blue Sky said...

I love it. Keep shining - those people need to laugh more.

Travis Cody said...

Walkie-talkie abuse? Oh the humanity.

The Gal Herself said...

As Lenny Bruce used to say, "You're too hip for the room you play."

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