Thursday, January 26, 2012

Mimi In A Minute #30 ~ It's A Bird, It's A Plane, It's Newt

These things keep me up at night. They give me a headache.
I just need sixty seconds of your time to unclog my pencil brain so that I can get some sleep. 
Do you mind?
I have a few things to say. This is Mimi unplugged.
Hide your children.

Today the news is full of sinking ships, sinking politicians, sinking polls, and stinkin' candidates. Some jumped ship. Some jumped the shark. Still others swam around in the dark.  Not to fear. Google and Wikipedia climbed on board the murky waters of online piracy and threw out an anchor.  SOPA protesters protested. Occupiers are still occupying anything and everything in sight. Even online thieves are at odds with each other.  Have you noticed Google keeps trying to change its stripes? And there is no end in site sight.  Meanwhile Mitt Romney released his tax returns, Newt released his vengeance, and Google released a new privacy policy.

To all shark jumpers and wannabe shark jumpers on the campaign trail: Please, for the love of all that is salty, drop out now and save the rest of the country some toil and trouble.  JUMP. We need a new batch of sharks.

To NASA space photographers: Do you reaaaallly think we buy that story about solar flares from the sun causing spectacular northern lights in our Minnesota skies?  Don't you know about the Chinese New Year celebrations? 

 and you call yourself scientists

To GOOGLE on your new Privacy Policy:

I don't want you to read my mind. I want you to give me what I ask for and not what your advertisers want me to see. I am sick of getting pictures of Angelina when I asked for Brad Pitt.

To All who Googled Mitt Romney's tax returns:

Dear Newt Gingrich: (aka the United States Republican presidential candidate who wants to build a moon colony and travel in a spaceship to Mars during his time in the White House. Yes. Really.)

In the words of the great Democrats of the past.....
It does not take a full moon to build a village.

For the past thirty or so years I've watched my hard-earned tax dollars evaporating into thin air.  If you want to send them into space we'll hardly notice. But if there's one thing I've learned to do well it's thrive on a shoestring.
I could save the American people a bucketful of money.
All you have to do is wait for a Half Moon Half Off Sale. 

Simple. Do the math, Bloggy People.
(I should run for office)

Eureka!! I found a man named Lee Kleinrock (thanks, Mr. Google!) who supposedly invented the Internet way back in the 1950s or at the very least he was the first one to write a paper about the process of connectivity.  He didn't need any privacy laws because nobody knew how to work it but him. Now THAT'S capitalism. 
Do you see the words GOOGLE anywhere on this machine? 
I didn't think so.

And it was so clever of him to design it to look like a refrigerator door.

To the political people counters of I-o-wa: 
U-Owe-Us a caucus recount. 
Michelle Bachmann could have won that debate and she wasn't even there. Was she?

I know you're tired of hearing from me but Dear Mr. Google:  Did you think to ask Al Gore? We all know he reaaaaalllly invented the Internet AND all the rain forests AND orange Kool-Aid AND paperless voting machines AND long underwear (I got that on very reliable terms). I'm telling you all this privacy nonsense is politically motivated!! 
I do not think it is fair to call the Captain of the shipwrecked cruise ship in Italy Chicken of The Sea.  I heard he was having lobster for dinner when the vessel ran amok.

and finally...
Dear Google: I said "Hugh Jackman"
not Cracker Jacks. 
I will never get his attention with this interference!!

Your new privacy policy is that there is no privacy....
except on the moon, there's plenty of privacy there.
Hey Newt! Have your people call my people.

Whew! I feel better. Thanks for listening.
Sixty seconds flew by. I think my blogsomnia is cured.
Join us for BlogBlast For Peace Nov 4, 2012
*photographs Public Domain*

#blog4peace #blogblast4peace


Fisher and Staff said...

Fascinating! You are awesome and I am glad you got some sleep.

Mimi Lenox said...

I did, I did! Gearing up for a political minute's too incredibly fascinating (as you say!) to pass up!

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