Monday Mimisms ~ I Need A Lumberjack. And Fast.

Happy Monday!

I just looked out the window. It is dreaaaarrrry with a capital D. No leaves on the trees. Brown grass on the ground. Mutilated baby leaves strewn about. I can now peek through the woodsy wilderness to see large downed trees and logs lying on the ground leaving empty spaces and holes in the architecture of walled bark I called My Bloggingham. Depressing. Who is going to remove all those ice-ravaged trees? A man with an axe to grind would be a welcome sight about now.

A balmy 15 degrees greeted me this morning when my tender Queen feet hit the bedroom floor.

I am sick of cold weather. SICK of it.

Much to my delight, we are expecting yet another snowstorm in the next 24 hours. 

Let me clarify what a snowstorm means in the South.

Snow + storm = Disaster

Snow + storm = 0 food in the grocery store

It doesn't even have to be a storm. If we hear S-N-O-W we think it means storm.

There are no chains on tires here. Lots of ATVs but no salt trucks. We have an abundance of wood stoves and fireplaces but very few bear rugs. Why?  We don't shoot bears in the south, just deer and rabbits and the occasional rabid squirrel.  Everything closes including your local doctor and pharmacy, Meals-On-Wheels, court, prayer meetings, ambulance service is only for real emergencies (not broken nails) and the school football field becomes a crowded Winterfest of makeshift coca-cola sign sleds and potential broken bones. Forget the doctor or ambulance, however, if you need one. It's a helluva day to cancel prayer meetings. Elderly people have to eat peanut butter sandwiches instead of hot meals and nobody NOBODY owns more than one hat *(except moi)*... I get funny looks in the produce aisle wearing black Russian fur let me tell ya. Prissy Yankee woman, go back home!
I hear the jabs.

Why do Southerners rush out to buy milk and bread anyway? When the power goes out in an ice storm the milk goes bad. Seems to me that non-dairy Cheetos would be a better choice.

I intend to wrap myself up like the snow bunny I am and sit this one out.

I'll be wearing my black hat.  

Smirk if you must.