(Day 4 Vacay) Do Not Try This At Home

Shoes are off
Lights are off
Long white flowing nightgown is on
Ouija board is halfway out of the box
Bible is open across the room in case the Ouija board really works

Thirty-two candles are burning
Imaginary incense (the real thing gives me a headache)
Strange Eastern guitar music is playing.....
I said the Lord's Prayer, 3 Hail Marys and The Pledge of Allegiance.
That should cover it.

And then....I sat cross-legged on the floor to try and conjure up something not to talk to.
Hummmmmmm......yuuummmmm........oohhmmmmmmmmmm......ooohhhmmmmmmm.......

Oops. Excuse me. Forgot to close the blinds. Be right back. Mrs. Smith is so nosy.Fee....Fi......Fooo.........FooooOhhmmmmmm.........ohhhmmmmmm......

Things You Should Never Say Around a Ouija Board
(unless you really wanna know)

1. Who shot JR?

2. Is it the same person who was on the grassy knoll?

3. What's really in fishsticks?

4. If I could play all my old 45 records backwards would they spell out the secrets of the universe? Or at the very least tell me how to get a bigger tax refund?

5. What did Aunt Margaret throw in Uncle Edward's coffin?

6. Are ghosts real?

7. Were all my boyfriends faithful to me?

8. Was I a fish or a pumpkin in another life? And would that explain why I hate

Halloween carvings and sushi?

9. Are pantyhose runs made by the fingernails of Satan?

10. What did I say in my sleep the last time I was under anesthesia?
I hardly think my ruptured appendix was laughable.

11. Is Jimmy Swaggart related to Rush Limbaugh?

12. Do men actually mean it when they say, "I know it's our third date and we haven't had sex yet but it's ok, sweetie.
I can wait. You're soooo special."

13. How much wool did it really take to pull it completely over my mother's eyes

and is there any left?

14. If angels are real then why don't they ever show up when I have a flat tire?

15. Does God have my missing socks?

16. Is it Ok if I wear white at my next wedding?

17. What was my son really thinking as a teenager when I told him, "You're grounded for a week."

18. Is "You're so photogenic!" secret code for "You're really ugly in person?"

20. Who in the hades invented liver pudding? And why?

21. Are there really more fish in the sea??!

And now for my next trick....

That's it for Day 4: Mimi Vacay