Ain't Got No Time To Grieve
There is a lot going on in my life. I'll spare you.
Someone said to me today, "I'm worried about you. You haven't had time to grieve."
I haven't had time to breathe.
And besides, I can't catch all the leaves that fall.
The world looks wonky.
Sometimes it's bright and a second later it's dark.
Looking out
looks the same
as looking in
Some days are a blur
I might keel over from the dizzies.
I might keel over from the dizzies.
Do you mind if I do?
I have a thing or two to say to this wall ya know
That chair wouldn't dare talk back
Don't listen
That chair wouldn't dare talk back
Don't listen
Sometimes I don't even see me
I want to hide behind a chair
and raise my hand
and raise my hand
when sunshine is dark
and shadows are light
I don't see things clearly in
black and white
so I just stand in stubborn
and hug myself
I
can't
catch
all
the
l
e
a
v
e
s
can't
catch
all
the
l
e
a
v
e
s
32 comments:
Mimi honey, you're scaring me.
Mojo - No no...I just lay the ugly out there when I feel it and put it on the blog. Honest emotions. Honest feelings.
I literally mean I have no time to grieve. Life marches on and I'm too busy to see the colors of what I need to feel at the moment.
Get it?
Sigh.
The only time you should worry about me is when I'm NOT writing.
You're not scaring me at all. And there is no set schedule for grief. It happens when it happens. It will stop you in your tracks and demand your attention at some point. And you'll give it because you'll be ready.
Cry when the mood strikes.
Laugh when something amuses you.
Ponder when you are melancholy.
And smile when you think of the eternal ballgame. It's just the top of the first inning you know.
Bzzzzzzzz
Yes, your going to be OK. It just takes time and it is OK to be sad and lonely for a little while. The lonely feeling gets softer with time. Honest.
Mimi, I really like your photos!
Trav - "It's just the top of the first inning you know...."
You always know what to say to make it better.
Bzzzz
((hugs from far far away)) that's about all I got.
You have everything you need....
You need to take time for YOU Mimi. Take care of yourself. xx
A poem written in light and shadow. Very fine.
I don't mean to equate this with what you're going through -- and besides, grief is not a competitive sport -- but I spent a year pouring all my free time and more money than I could afford into John Kerry's 2004 Presidential campaign. On Election Day afternoon I got word I had to put my cat Billy to sleep (bone cancer). I believe you recall the news I got that night. It was the saddest I have ever been in my life.
The whole world was sick and wrong. Was I being punished for something? Had I not done enough? Or maybe I hadn't done well enough. What happened in that 24 hour period was something I honestly felt was inconceivable.
I spent every morning -- for nearly two months -- crying in the shower. I'm not much of a crier, and it was liberating to be able to do it in complete privacy (even though I life alone; but commonsense doesn't always come into the healing process, does it?). Some mornings I also had mini tantrums and literally slapped my shower walls.
So channeling your personal tumult into photos and a blog post doesn't scare me at all. In fact, I think you're doing the best, most recuperative thing you can right down.
That's why we hail you as our Queen.
The world looks wonky...
That's a perfect description. Every thing looks the same - but it's not.
{Big Hugs & Mucho Love}
Mims, as you know, grief isn't something we do and then get over it to move on to the next thing...
Grief tells us when it's time, it arranges the universe so that we're available when it sees fit.
Let it come. You'll make it through.
There is no right or wrong way to get through this. There is only your way =)
Debra - I am getting through. Things hit me by surprise. Without warning. WHAM!
Thanks.
Xmichra - You've said that plenty before too...and I appreciate each and every one of them.
Svem - Smile.
Akelamalu - I'm about to do that soon. Thank you my friend.
Charles - Thank you sir.
Gal - Oh, you just made me cry (in a good way) that someone I consider my friend (that would be you) took the time to express herself so boldly for my benefit.
Crying in the shower...my favorite place. It just seems to fit, eh?
Breakups, heartaches, turmoil, deaths, for me, always land in the shower for some reason.
And I do have to do what I have to do. I don't think anyone will be surprised if I wax philosophical and wonky for awhile. The day I don't keep it real is the day I'll lay down my blog crown.
Thank you, Gal.
Dawn "everything looks the same but it's not"....exactly.
Hugs and love back, my friend.
Anndi - I hope you all make it through my musings! Stay with me now. I promise not to irritate you all too much....you know what I mean.
Starr - Vulnerability is my middle name on this blog (oh. along with prudish)lol
Just a little private joke there...
(((MIMI)))
Thinking of you.
Kitten - I appreciate that very much.
First off, you always dazzle me with your photographic talents and how you seem to find the perfect images to accentuate your thoughts. I for one, think it is healthy to share your emotions. Everyone works there way through life in different ways, but the common thread seems to be healing with people, healing with love. You have LOTS of people that love and care about you here, including me.
You are a special person Mimi. I know I have left comment hugs here before, but one more cannot hurt, no?
HUG HUG HUG
(( ok, three hugs ))
Eric
Eric - Hugs never hurt.
I felt it. I appreciate your presence here. It is real.
Thank you for the kind words.
Mimi, we are all here for each other in these times. I, and many others are supporting you all the way.
Jean-Luc - I hope I can be there for any of you as you have been for me. I do feel your support, my friend.
Hi Mimi.
You lost your wonderful, dear father, for God's sake! That's one of the biggest losses you will ever endure. You were blessed with a huge love, and now it's time for the huge heartache. That's what happens when you are "blessed" in this way. Maybe you can't see it that way just yet, but not everyone gets to have such a great dad.
Glad you are blogging it all. Word of advice though, don't blog in the shower. That's just for bathing and crying! LOL
Love ya, Mims!
Take good care!
Awwww, part of me wants to cry. There's so much beauty in the post and the pictures, but another part of me thinks that this IS your way of grieving and it may show itself in many ways over a long period of time. Expressing yourself and talking about the pain however you want to is probably the single most important thing you can do to deal with all the emotions you must be feeling. I don't know you well, but BIGGGGGGGGG HUGS to you. Things will be okay.
You'll grieve in your own time...it will come...just take some deep breaths and take another step forward...
just catchin' up
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