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Sunday, July 19, 2009

The Royal Blible

That's Blog + Bible for all you non-blog speakers.
Last week we launched a new Tuesday meme in the blogosphere called The Queen's Meme. The response was wonderful! It was a virgin flight full of surprises. I found many new comedians and made new friends. You are quite creative and colorful you know!
So in honor of our first meme together and your good-natured tolerance of my dungeon threats (some of you are still in there), I've put together a little souvenir to commemorate our accomplishment.

Question #6 in the Blog Outside The Box Meme was "You suddenly become God of The Universe. What would your first Commandment be?" The answers were fantastic! I thought we should have our own Royal Commandment Book. It's only right. And Bloly (that's Blog + oh never mind..)
As I re-read these it was amazing just how representative your Commandments were of your unique blog personalities. Reading them in order, one after another, is a riot. Enjoy! And just think, we have our own set of Royal Commandments! I had to use my royal magic bleeper on a few of these to get past the Google police, nevertheless, here they are in the order they descended upon the Bluniverse. Bless you my child.
The Royal Commandments

1. Removed by blog author

2. Thou Shalt not create Objectionable Content lest you be judged. ~ Twisted Sister

3. If thou rape a woman or molest a child, thou shalt lose thy testicles." ~ BPD in OKC

4. Thou shalt not be a judgemental, holier-than-thou, my-god-is-bigger-than-your-god wanker. There is only one God and being that she is me, I ask that you be persuaded by evolution, pretend I don't exist and leave me alone. I am a psychopathic wanker (wow, vent much?) and I do not want your love. Man, where's Moses? I need an editor. ~ Duck Life

5. SMITE SMITE SMITE! Smite the religious zealots!! And asparagus. SMITE ASPARAGUS! ~ Xmichra

6. Thou shall not drink decaf. ~ Tales From the Redneck Hood and Other Shenanigans

7. Well this may seem trivial to y'all, but have you EVER driven in Missouri? In MO, driver's ed is not mandatory. You just need to be able to pass a written exam to get a license. That's bull-crap. In my opinion, every driver in this state needs to take an honest to goodness driving test to get their driver's license... and from this day forward, every person WILL take driver's ed in order to get a license. Oh and while we're at it, if you get a ticket, it's staying on your record for 3 years. No buying your way out of that one! ~ Hey Baby! What's Your Card?

8. Thou shall always be laughing ~ Glitterbabe Greetings

9. That would be GODDESS. And always treat people as YOU would like to be treated. Simple, cheesy, good! ~ Through Eve's Looking Glass

10. Evil shall be banned from the world. In all forms. I'd like a peaceful, harmonious universe, merci beaucoup ~ The Bookkitten

11. Thou shall not make chocolate fattening. ~ A Straightjacket and A Padded Room
I'm God, dammit.

12. Get rid of all politicians. ~ Life In A Zoo!

13. PLAY NICE! OR ELSE! ~ What it's like to be Mie

14. Thou Shalt Not Drive-By Blog ~ Mimi Writes....

World peace! ~ Thoughts and Obsessions

16. IQ test prior to procreation, of course ~ The Night Life From A Nurse's Point Of View

17. That's SOOOOOOOOO EASY! ....... 100 pound chickens ~ Speedcat Hollydale

18. Thou shalt make mozzarella sticks calorie-free. ~ Fishing Around

strong>19. Honestly, I doubt if I would ever be God of the Universe...I don't have enough muscles, but if I first commandment would be to help those in need. ~ Finding Pam

Thou shalt not wear jeans that show off your underwear! ~ Memes By Me

21. What’s wrong with any of the commandments we have now? I’d save myself the trouble and just keep those. ~ Devilish Southern Belle

22. I really don't want to answer this one. Maybe because talking about religion and such makes me uncomfortable. I was watching Simpson's last night and I was a bit offended by the story line which involved Marge's objection on Catholicism. For me, its live and let live. ~ Fun, Fierce, Fabulous

23. Be yourselves. ~ Bjorn's Blog
24. I am......Legend. ~ Thoms Place For Well...Whatever
25. I can eat as much cake and chocolate as I want and never ever put an ounce of weight on ......... in fact, the more raisin & biscuit yorkie bars I eat, the more I will lose weight. After all we need balance in the world ....... and it's time the table (or weighing scales) were turned.Oh and I suppose I should do something good (aka on a serious note) ...... so ........ let me think ......... for all of about a millisecond .........Let anyone who skins animals for their fur suffer the same fate, and if they do it to live animals, let them slowly be tortured before enduring at least 3 times the amount of pain that they inflicted onto said innocent animals ....... in fact multiply that by about 10, or 100 ...... I think I'll shut up now, you get the picture! ~ Mouse's House

26. Though shalt not pro-create more the twice . ~ Ordinarily Just Me

27. All Walmart associates will receive a weekly bonus, no taxes will be taken out of it, and life working at Walmart will no longer be like working in the dungeons! ~ Falling Off The Shelf

28. Slim is SIN!! ~ Sheepish Thoughts

29. Thou shall not wear a string bikini if you are over a size 8. (Just got home from the beach....this concept always amazes me) ~ Bitter Sweet Moments
30. Be human. ~ What if this is as good as it gets?
31. Thou shalt get your hormones balanced. ~ Needle Notes
32. To make people stop chanting: Oh dear God, no!! ~ Dethroned ~ Royalty In Exile
33. Do not cheat, wash your hands before you eat! ~ Shopaholic's Chronicles
34. Thou shalt have chocolate for breakfast every day. And lunch. And dinner. Don't forget dessert. ~ Word Trix

35. No more marriage~ Random Autumness

36. Screw People with a Nut Loss with a Screw Driver ~Suicide Hotline....please hold

37. Stop all wars!! ~ Everything and Nothing

38. Minions! I demand to have minions to do my bidding!!! ~ Reflections

39. Let's get rid of the Q Continuum! ~ Captain Picard's Journal

40. Everyone should pull together and clean my closet. Dust Bunny Hostage

41. I command you all to shut up! Stop whining and leave me (God) out of your problems. Don't you think I have enough drama as it is? ~ Tarot Mom

42. Thou shall not be stupid. ~ Little Limerence

43. Fire me. Find someone who wants the job. ~ Sweet Memes

44 & 45. Thou shalt be no orphans for Angelina Jolie to adopt in my universe ~ Grace Like Rain

46. It’s a selfish one, alas. I would want to be tall, thin and wicked smart. Then, of course, peace on earth, goodwill toward men, blah blah fucking blah. ~ Snarky Pants

47. Quality of life for all. ~ One Gal's Musings

48. And Travis sent forth His Judges unto humanity with a hot Latin beat. And Travis said to humanity, let there be Dancing. But the people were afraid because their footwork was clumsy and too full of heel leads. And so Travis took pity on humanity, and He sent His most favored Lords and Ladies of Choreography to the people, to instruct them in the ways of Samba rolls and sexy Mambo hip swivels.And the people rejoiced to learn this wondrous thing called Dancing. And the Judges were pleased, and anointed humanity with Holy 10's. And Travis smiled on humanity, and blessed them and His Judges and His most favored Lords and Ladies of Choreography, and bade all join Him in rapture on the Hot Tamale train.And when all were assembled in peace and joy, Travis Waltzed with them.And the world was full of Dancing from that time unto the ending of days. And Travis looked upon the world. And it was good. ~ Trav's Thoughts

49. Shut the hell up, stop complaining, love what and who you have and be grateful! ~ Moore Blog Life

50. First Commandment: Don’t make me God of the Universe again! It didn’t work out very well the last times we tried that, remember!? ~ The Best Parts

51. There's only one God and it isn't me. ~ Beach Bum

52. Thou shalt be silent unless thou has something worth hearing. ~ A Light In The Darkness

53. Wake up America, we are in deep doo-doo……. ~ Sarge Charlie

54. Remember to keep holy the Meme Days. ~ A Blog In The Rough

55. Thou shalt not run with scissors. ~ An Eerie Tapestry

56. Thou shalt not come into work until noon, then lunch immediately, then leave at 3! ~ Kristina's Favorite

57. Wow what a hard question.....I think it would be Thou shall not eat my chocolate! lol ~ Phoenixthebloggingmama

58. Live, love, believe, and endure to the end! And bring me a cup of java! ~ Pychic Mama

59. That on November 5th, 2009 The Queen is inundated with more Globes than even her little heart could imagine. ~ The Big Leather Couch

60. Neither human nor yarn shall ever snarl again. ~ Tea Leaves

61. Thou shalt be naked…except for Whoopi Goldberg ~ Security Is For Cadavers

62. ??

63. A moratorium on suffering. ~ Somewhere i have never travelled

64. Before Leaving The John My Brother Must Put The Seat Back Down! Men would it hurt to put the seat back in it’s right position. Especially if there is a lady in the house, and ALL God’s people said--Amen ~ Erotic Book Junkies

65. Thou Shall Build Mountains Out of Chocolate! ~ Shannon's Moments of Introspection

66. I'd sterilize 95% of the human race immediately. That would solve 99% of the world's problems ~ Zombie Slayer

67. More empathy, please, everyone. ~ Anonymous player
68. Though shall not bare false witness against Elvis Presley. ~ Moody Blue
69. Thou shalt not kill is already there and seems to be ignored pretty well. I would go with thou shalt not kill in my name! ~ Avoidance Junkie

Hope to see you Tuesday. You know you wanna play!Feel free to grab the Blible for your own. You might need some inspiration.
Today's post from Mimi: The Mysterious Lady In The Closet of Hats


ShannonW said...

I laughed so hard I cried! LOL Great post Mimi!

Kitten said...

That Reese's cheesecake looks so wonderfully delicious.

The Blible is awesome! Can't wait for Tuesday!

j said...

Oh shoot Mimi. This was an incredible idea! I want a Blible for my night stand.

Got to visit Trav now - his response was great and I missed his meme.

j said...

ACK! I forgot! I love the headstone. I am grabbing it (classic bloglift... that's blog + shoplift you know).

skywind said...

Very funny Mimi, your are great. LOL

Anonymous player said...

Thank you for including my response :)

Mojo said...

Jeez that's a lotta Commandments. I can barely keep up with the 10 we got now.

Dawn Drover said...

These are ALL grat but my #'s 3, 11 & 29 cracked me up :)

The Gal Herself said...

You have the funniest, most eclectic and wisest bloggers responding to your meme! (I'd say that even if I wasn't included.) I get so sick of responses in my meme comment section that simply say, "Great answers!" and include a link to their site, so it's obvious they just use the meme to generate traffic but not thought. This exercise was a certainly several cuts above that. Are we doin' it again?

Anonymous said...

LOL What a great idea Mimi!!

Anonymous said...

Oh "Your Hineyness" I pissed in my ever loving pants these were so funny. Can you make thyne twit Dawn clean it up so our dungeon don't be stinking more than it already is? *me kneels down and attempts to kiss his Queens hands, noticing hair on thyne knuckles and decides better

Anonymous said...

Those were hilarious! #4 is my favorite. lol

Eve Noir said...

You're right! does show peeps blogging personalities. Great idea! Very fun to read 'em!!!

Lady Sinistral said...

#3, 6, 8, and 20 are my favorites!! Wahoo!

Jodi said...

Love this post!!!! Excellent!

Finding Pam said...

Only our Queen could possibly pull this off. Thanks for the Blible.
I loved #8,10,12

I have been off the blog catching up on some long over due dreadful chores. Like unpacking the boxes I neglected after our move six months ago. Arghhhh!

Xmichra said...

is it just me, or are we all brilliant? AWESOME blible! thanks for including me!

Boni Boutelle-Jones said...

These are super fantastic. I actually laughed out loud and snorted. Not very attractive whilst in a meeting!! But I wasn't bored!

teabird said...

Gosh, I never dreamed I'd help to creat a snort-worthy Bible!

Allie said...

That was hilarious! Thanks for including my commandment =) And Xmichra, we are brilliant. We are awesome.

Ferd said...

VERY cute and funny!!!
I am so glad you took the time to put this all together. I would have never had the time to search them all out.
My favorite was #49. I think I'll head over there and become a fan!
Thanks, Mims!

ღ Ms. Joy mH ღ said...

this is so funny! Love it, though!

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