I Do Not Intend to Sleepwalk ~ Remembering 9/11/01

For the thousands lost and the lives changed. For them we keep it fresh on the page.

I recently unearthed a handwritten journal entry in my diary penned
September 10, 2001.
That year I was in the midst of a painful personal life-altering divorce and feeling philosophically Mimi-like. Little did I know that a few hours later, none of the problems I thought I had would even measure a speck of consideration for quite some time.

Fall 2001 was not a time to take leave of one's family.

Home. My corner of the world. Safe and secure and unharmed by violence. My garden. My books. My piano. My things. All reasons to take stock of what I was grateful for and why.
There are images that strike me even now as profound and earth-shattering in their own way to my psyche and spirit.

Here are just a few of my vivid memories of that day.

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A phone call from my son. He was crying. "Mom, people are jumping from buildings," as he watched the unedited raw footage unfold before the shots were censored.

Something about the way he said my name made me want to forever scoop him up and protect him from such visions. I called or emailed everyone I knew who meant anything to me to make sure they knew I loved them.

Not such a bad idea today, September 11, 2008 either.

Shock.
Sitting with my then-husband and openly sobbing as we watched the evening news in silence. Suddenly, who gets to keep the SUV didn't matter.


Watching the second plane hit live in real-time broadcasts and the Towers fall. Every night for six weeks I had nightmares about flying planes.

Sitting with a colleague at work and watching the early reports. I remember the feeling of helplessness."There's nothing we can do," I said. " Somebody please help those people.""All we can do is pray," he said.
And so we did. Holding hands, out loud, unashamed and unaware of denomination or where we were. To me, my friend became the-person-I-was-with-when-it-happened and to this day I still remember the power I felt in the room on that morning. Just as we finished, a co-worker across the hall walked in to see what was wrong. He'd heard us talking about the Pentagon.
"My son is in Washington," he said. "He's a runner at the Pentagon."He left to make a phone call. More praying in room 18.


Patriotism
Who cared what Party you belonged to? I often say "I became an American that day." I'm ashamed to admit it, but my only regret is that up until that horrible morning I had little understanding of what that meant. Not really.
My how my vision has changed.

Silences
People wore unspoken pain like a garment.
No chattering at the post office. No small talk at the grocery store.
I remember the sound of no music on the radio for days.
What kind of evil could silence a nation's soul?

The sky
It was a picture perfect day.
A crisp fall day can still take me back to those haunting memories.

Kindness

After 9/11 I heard stories of people mending fences. We all witnessed ordinary people do extraordinary things. Those who had nothing to offer people in need gave all they had anyway. Collectively.

We were caught in a time warp of kindness for awhile.Don't you remember?

Today, I am more politically aware, unfortunately resolved to
disastrous uncertainties in the world around me and more than ever willing to
run headlong into a very precious span of time called my life.

My one-time comfortable corner of the universe has changed - peacefully so - and we have all happily moved on in our private lives, making new memories on new soil. September 11, 2001 didn't change the ultimate direction my life would take but it did alter the way I moved in it.

When the anger came later, as it did for me - as well as a new found surge into a love and pride for my country as never before - it was fueled with a stark understanding of how precariously we walk.

I, for one, do not intend to sleepwalk.

There was a certain universal passion that dropped in our laps for the things in our lives that really matter. I have found ways to celebrate our differences, our marvelous diverse talents, and probe deeper into what is going on in other parts of the world - with new friends I've found here as well - who offer contrasting viewpoints and strength of conviction for issues in their part of the globe.

And now, if you'll excuse me, I have some very important phone calls to make.

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And say a prayer tonight, please, for these....who will never come home and whose faces and spirits now look to us to find ways of peace....
for a new generation.

Photos Public Domain