My Cell Phone Is Possessed By The Devil

In case you haven't noticed, the south is being drenched with rain.
Lots of rain.

I had to swim to work.

I spent two hours today - count 'em 120 minutes - trapped in a public building "assuming the position" with hundreds of other sweaty people waiting out a tornado warning. My little town saw touchdowns of the wind variety everywhere and flash flooding continues. This is not good for Bloggingham. The water pours down my little mountain and under the house. Don't ask. Renovations are needed. It just ain't pretty. Besides, the prisoners in the dungeon are really getting tired of bailing water and wearing funky swimming trunks all the time. So, all in all, it's been a rather bizarre day, followed by an extremely weird night. Thinking I might have to deal with a power outage in the middle of the night and these guys on the road in the morning (it's a small old-fashioned town...stay with me here) and needing to get up early, I set my regular reliable alarm clock for 6:15 and a backup alarm on my cellphone for 6:15 am. Just in case. I watched the Democratic National Convention and fell asleep (who wouldn't? Just kidding!)

There was a strange feeling in the palace.
Oh. Did I mention Bloggingham is haunted.......?

At fifty-three minutes past midnight, exactly fifty-three minutes after I fell asleep, I hear this, "It is time to get up. The time is 12:53. It is time to get up. The time is 12:53. It is time to get up. The time is 12:53. It is time to get UP."

I thought it was Alice Alarm, you know the "voice" in my alarm system telling me someone had broken in the house or a door was open somewhere. She has a very nice voice I might add......But this was not my buddy Alice. It was like one of those scary clown voices coming from the closet. (I videotaped the sound for you but Blogger wouldn't upload it.)


I literally jumped out of my comfy rain-induced euphoria and pounded on the Nokia trying to turn the horrible sound off. I uttered an un-Queenly reply, looked around the room for ghosts and turned the phone OFF. O.F.F.
I would just have to rely on the alarm clock by my bed which I equally despise because I am sooo not a morning person. Lights out. Back to sleep. The rain is pouring. I am sleeping soundly.

And then I hear......"It is time to get up. The time iiiiissss 3:53. It is time to get up. The time is 3:53. It is time to get up. The time is 3:53. It is time to get up. The time is 3:53. It is time to get UP!"

I kid you not.
I hate her! She is such a snit.
By this time I am thoroughly spooked because I know I turned the phone O.F.F. I didn't snooze (I don't even know how), I didn't reset it. I turned it off completely and watched the little screen fade to black.
I swear on my pencil skirt I turned the phone off. WHO or WHAT turned it back on???

I FINALLY get back to sleep...and have nightmares about a body-less woman with only a head (!) covered in a colorful kerchief (!) and peering evil eyes who keeps stalking me everywhere I go throughout my day. All night long. Constantly watching me. Following me around. Her head floating in the air. ICK!
Meanwhile, the thundering storms knock the power out -of course - in the middle of the night. Don't ask me how I woke up this morning. It was not the reliable alarm clock which had obviously been knocked out by the storm and was wildly blinking 12:00 when I fell out of bed - for the third time in six hours - exactly 50 minutes before I had to BE at work.

Where was Alice when I needed her?
And who or WHAT woke me up?

So tonight in my little bungalow in the deep southern woods where all things unthinkable abide, I placed the phone on the Bible (Corinthians 13 The "Love Chapter" in case you're wondering) threw some spritzer water on it and performed a cell-exorcism.

It can't hurt.
It's still raining and I need sleep.

 Copyright © 2008 Mimi Lenox. All Rights Reserved.