How To Unfunk A Queen
Light some candles.......
Put some music on......
Wait for Prince Charming.
Wait for Prince Charming.
Excuse me.
It's the phone.
"Mimi Pencil Skirt here. May I help you?"
"Uh....last we met I don't think your name was Mimi."
I nearly dropped the phone.
"B..R...A....D??!"
"Mimi. But I do remember the skirt and the infamous brown boots now that you mention it."
Sigh.
It IS Prince Charming.
Flashback: Funny how the sound of a voice can trigger a flood of memories. I enjoyed a lovely romantic fog with this man four years ago that lasted quite awhile. Weekend escapes....Chinese food picnics on the floor.....making silly rules just to break them......spaghetti frolicking in the kitchen. Don't ask.
How did these pheromones get in the phone?
And then, as occasionally happens, the light bulb went off in my head and reality kicked in. He insisted on an exhausting walk down memory lane and somewhere in between the do-you-remember-whens and have-you-forgotten-you-married-someone-else conversation I decided to change the light bulb.
"You don't want to see me again?
"It was really nice of you to call but I think our ship has sailed."
And anyway, I'm engaged." (Queens are allowed 3 lies a day. It's in the manual. This was only my first.)
"Uh....Prissy Skirt?"
"Pencil Skirt."
"Whatever. Your blog doesn't say you're engaged."
"You read my blog?"
Occasionally.
"What does it say?"
"You write....girl stuff. Well, I remember you telling me about the silly drivel online somewhere and people read it." (Yes, he really said that)
Get thee behind me pheromones and
thank God for the light bulb.
thank God for the light bulb.
NOW I remember why we broke up.
"You lie. If you read my blog you'd know I'm in a funk. Goodbye."
25 comments:
Men indeed. I got a call somewhat like this from an old flame a few years back. We'd dated in high school and she wasn't interested in getting together again, just in how I was doing. We ended up talking about our kids a lot.
Charles - Present company excluded from my generalization.
It was an "interesting" and amusing conversation.
Life can be so funny sometimes.
oh doesn't it creep you out when that happens??? me too... ha ha ha
smiles, bee
xoxoxoxoxoxoxo
He's got a nerve!
He really isn't prince charming honey. You are indeed a queen though. There is a reason you aren't together and you are the lucky one here. Just saying. Have a great day. Big hug and lotsa lovies. :)
Bee - Not really creepy but close. A twilight zone feeling for sure.
Akelamalu - You're right about that. But I am not in the same place as when I met him fresh-faced out of a divorce four years ago. Thank God.
Sandee - He was not the right one. He's a tad condescending wouldn't you say? I am in no mood. Drivel??
His looks could always charm my pencil skirt and that was nice to have back then. Fun? Yes. What I want now? No.
Thank goodness my most recent relationship happened after him because it taught me to trust a deeper connection with someone. For that I am grateful.
Now, I'm much more interested in finding someone who falls in love with my brain first.
Then, we'll light the candles.
Now see? There ought to be a law, well not a law, but there should be something to guard against insensitive types taking part in spaghetti frolicks. That's what makes things get so confusing.
Nice blog. Too bad it's just silly girly drivel about Peace and stuff.
Oh, and, looooove the pheromones in the phone!
You're all that, Girl.
Brad just called. He said he meant "tribbles" and thought you wrote a Star Trek blog. I told him to have his wife call you to clear it all up...
I want to hear more about this spaghetti frolicking.
Margo - Maybe we could petition for such a law after the election is over. What was I thinking mixing anything remotely Italian with him anyway?
And thank you.
Vinny- It's in the dungeon waiting for such an occasion. He knew me before I became a Castle owner. I think he might be in trouble....
Bud -Thanks a LOT. Nice move. He's not married NOW...is he?
At least that's what he told me...oh no. Call him back and tell him I moved to Canada.
What are tribbles?
Jean-luc - Do you know what tribbles are?
P.S. You haven't lived until you've experienced true spaghetti frolicking.
Well...I had a phone call yesterday. A customer I had when I sold industrial chemicals. He knew I closed the business over a year and a half ago. He wanted to know how I was? Huh? "Still happily married", I replied.
**rolls eyes**
I'm a man, so I'm probably not qualified to comment here. But when did lack of qualification every stop me? :D I think The Almighty has someone special in mind for you. Not Prince Charming, because sometimes princes turn into frogs in fairy tales. But a genuine, A-1 certified King of Hearts, to make sure that pencil skirt never gets its heart wrinkled again.
Julie - I rest my case.
Lee - You are always welcome here with your impeccable qualifications. And if The Almighty has told you something please clue me in. I'm all ears.
And thank you.
Wasn't it Snow White who pined for Mister...er...PRINCE Charming? Singing soliloquies for her hoped for beau, like 'Some day my Prince..."
Men...their boorish behavior seems so natural, not rehearsed. Ever.
Ralph - I will never read fairy tales again sir. But thanks for the prudent reminder.
Spaghetti frolicking? Jus donna tell my Bella Nonna about it. Spaghetti is supposed to meld a relationship and let it flourish. Why do you think the sauce is a seasoned just so--a little zest with just the right amount of spice.
Well that's what she would say lol.
Just checking in and saying hi.
Frank
Hi Frank. Nice of you to jump in the spaghetti. Melding via pasta?
That's a romantic notion I haven't heard. Hmmmm....
Sure you have heard of it. Even Walt Disney picked up on it. Think of that romantic dinner in the movie Lady and the Tramp---Wonderful moonlit dinner, sliding a meatball over to your beau with your nose, and all the while a Chef singing Bella Nolte, and then that one strand of spaghetti that leads to an accidental and most bashfull of kisses. Now that's Italian! But I don't really recomend sliding a meatball over with your nose. Tried it, but the darn thing was way too hot lol.
Spaghetti frolicking, sliding meatballs...
What has become of your blog, Your Majesty?
I'm nearly speechless Your Highness.
There once was a man named Brad,
Who turned out to be rather a cad...
I can have him fixed, you know... just saying.
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