The Dark and Stormy Meme (Wednesday's post)

Note: My blogs are possessed. The date will not change and the other blog has been taken over by red marching ants. Help.

I was tagged and politely coerced by the eclectic Canadian known as Honk 'n Hollr (aka Frank) to complete a meme in honor of Gale Martin. Gale is feverishly working on a novel. She has challenged herself to only do a blog post when she finishes three pages of her book. It's working like a charm. Several of us have been her "Unofficial Official Cheering Squad" for weeks now, led by the pom-pom pusher himself, Mr. Sirianni. We try to show up at Gem-osophy from time to time and cheer her on to write more pages. We don't mind that she's not there. We know that when she's AWOL that just means she's writing another chapter. And get this. Gale has managed to place each of us into the storyline of her novel somehow. It's brilliant!

We are sure Gale's book, Savage Grace, will be a best-seller. We've been challenged to complete this meme in which we purposely write an "atrocious" paragraph for our pretend "award-winning" novel. I found this mind--boggling, ridiculous and right up Pencil Skirt's alley. I'm nothing if not inconsistent.
So here's my Dark and Story Meme per Frank's instructions and in honor of Gale. (see official rules at the bottom of this post) I tag everyone in Bloggingham Palace. Disclaimer: This is supposed to be written poorly!

#1 Genre: Romance

Title: Bloggingham Dirt: The Blind and The Blitiful (that's blogspeak for pitiful)
He wrung out her floppy wet shirt from where they'd splashed in the creek earlier on the slimy rocks under the dirt in the road and laid her down in his arms. Dirt on dirt. She smelled like cheeseburgers and onions but he didn't care as his own sweet mummy was a short order cook and she reminded him of the Yorkshire pudding in his crib during the times of old once a long time ago in the days of wine and paper roses. He kissed her hard and when her head hit a rock he thought of the day sweet mummy dropped him on his noggin, such sweet memories they were, all tangled up in the Oedipal playpen of lust slip sliding along in the mud when soon came upon them an Amish preacher in a buggy who stopped to watch and pray for their floppy wet souls. Except he ran over poor Grace's wrist with the buggy wheel whilst in a hurry to escape the spectacle and the horses ran over a cliff smelling red meat and all that sweat. It was a crushing blow for true love.

#2 Genre: Historical Fiction

Title: Pennsylvania Avenue Whistles Dixie

"I am too a real person," piped Scarlett O'Hara, "Don't you remember?" "I was under the table in the oval office, you might remember my contribution to society as being the inventor of the little blue dress and velcro knee pads and everything was jumpin' along like Jehosophats livers when my mammy came clean soon after with a patent for clorox bleach and I used it to silence the scandalous stain but alas it led to the invention of tie-dye fashion and things in the White House have never been the same never the same since good gosh a'mighty great balls of fire glory glory hallelujah the south's gonna do it again. Rah Rah.

(Frank! That is the most ridiculous thing I ever wrote. Now my blog is ruined and there goes my PG rating and everything.)

Here are the Rules for The Dark And Stormy Meme

Rules:1. Choose two genres from the ones listed below in #4

2. Come up with a suitable title for a different novel for each of your genre choices.

3. Write a different opening 'atrocious' paragraph of your 'highly praised novel' in context to each genre you chose, paying particular attention to the "Dark and stormy" quality of your first sentence of your paragraph. Don't just rewrite the "Dark and stormy" sentence for your paragraph. Come up with something new and fresh, but 'atrocious' too. The sentence and paragraph should follow good English grammar rules. Don't just write a grammatical mess of a sentence. Remember, you are a Nobel Prize worthy author.

4. Choose two of the following genres for each of your "Prized Novels": Western, Science Fiction, Romance, Historical Fiction, Modern Contemporary Fiction, Mystery, Comedy, Horror.

5. Post the meme description and rules.

I'm doomed.

Read Frank's meme here.
Ian's story.