Monday, August 8, 2011

Monday Mimisms ~ Does Your Cell Phone Talk To You?

 It's errand day at Bloggingham Castle. Errand day at Bloggingham Castle is always eventful. If it's not, I usually make it so. Why not? Life's too short.  Not that my mundane tasks are of any global monumental concern to you, but this is Monday Mimisms and I'm ruminating the isms.

You know...since the accident divine I've been trryyyyyying to walk a more peaceful path, not sweating the small stuff, laughing more. When I feel myself getting irritated at inconveniences and slow-pokes (I'll get to that in a minute) the accident divine bubbles up as a reminder to s.t.o.p and not s.t.r.e.s.s. Sometimes that works. Sometimes it doesn't.
Last night (yes, I'm working backwards in this story) I was on the phone for the 7th time in 2 days with my cellphone tech support. I know what the Declaration of Independence says but all technicians are not created equal. I finally got one who knew what he was doing and voila (!) my emails appeared again. "What is wrong with your cellphone, ma'am?" (You know I hate the ma'am)
"It is possessed by the devil." chuckle chuckle
"Let me see if I can help you with that." He fixes the first problem.
"What else can I help you with ma'am?"
"I need assistance accessing Facebook and my 56 blogs from my phone."
He fixes that problem without having to sync anything which is exactly what I wanted. Brilliant. Problem #2 solved. (after 2 days of tech support trials)
"We're happy to have you as a customer here. Is there anything else I could help you with today?"

"My cellphone keeps talking to me." chuckle chuckle.
"Even when it's sitting way across the room it blurts out the name of your company. Randomly. In the middle of the night."
"What does it say exactly?"
"Horizon Wireless. Horizon Wireless!" like a parrot. For no apparent reason, Sir."
"That IS strange. I've never heard of that happening."
"I told you it was possessed by the devil."

He had no goat voodoo cure for that and suggested I take it back to the store (on my ToDo list. Meanwhile, I'll just turn it off and hide it under a pillow with a clove of garlic)
**Do you realize, Dear Readers, that I am never going to get to the bicycle story?"**

"Is there anything else I can help you with today, Ma'am?"
"No. I think that will do. You've been very helpful. Thank you."  
(He doesn't believe me either. No one is ever going to believe this phone talks out of the blue.)
I hang up my landline.
I pick up the phone again to dial my mother's number. 1-800-O-Happy-Day.
A voice comes on the phone. It is the tech guy.

"I'm still on the phone, ma'am. I heard you dialing but you didn't hang up."
"Yes, I did hang up."
"Well, sometimes we think we hang up and we don't. Let's try again. Good day, Ms. Pencil Skirt." chuckle chuckle
This time I slam the phone down, pick it up and dial again. I even pushed in the hangup mechanism for good measure.

"Hello? Hello?" It is Mr. Techie again.
"Did you hang up?" 
(who does he think he's talking to? John Denver's "God?")
"Yes. Didn't you hear me slam the phone?!!"
"I heard a noise and then you dialed again."
"But you're stillll here, Sir."
By now I am laughing hysterically at the irony of it all. The beauty of it all. The sheer perfection of it all. He is laughing because I am laughing.

"What do you think the problem is, Miss Customer-From-The-Great-Beyond?"

"Obviously, Sir, my landline is possessed as well."

I will be there.

Join us for BlogBlast For Peace Nov 4, 2011.


Dawn (Twisted Sister) said...

Mine croaks like a frog... but it doesn't talk to me. I think you have a direct line to the netherworld.

Mimi Lenox said...

It could be so....

Travis Cody said...

My phone doesn't talk to me either.

It does, however, inexplicably erase all of its photographs when I download them, even when I don't want it to do that. So now I don't have my screen saver picture of Mr Tucker, and that makes me sad.

Travis Cody said...

HA! I figured out how to move the picture from my laptop back to my Blackberry.

Take that, technology!

Now I'm not sad anymore.

Mimi Lenox said...

Trav - I am so glad you got that picture back on your phone!! I know you miss the little guy.

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