Thursday, March 3, 2011

Mimi In A Minute #26 ~ Sheen On or Shut Up

These things keep me up at night. They give me a headache.
I just need sixty seconds of your time to unclog my pencil brain so that I can get some sleep. 
Do you mind?
I have a few things to say. This is Mimi unplugged.
Hide your children.


I'm all for free speech, telling it like it is and tolerating an enlightened and open society (or else I wouldn't be writing this post) but I've gotta tell ya...we've heard some crazy mess spoken in the last few days on Planet Earth.
Back in the day way way waaaay back in the day my mother would have washed my mouth out with soap for even hearing the things I've heard said lately. But that was before every thought that passeth outeth the braineth of mankindeth was madeth to be uttereth all over the worldeth at the speed of lighteth. 
**I think I just channeled Jimmy Swaggart**  
You best be hiding those children.


NoMore Kadafi:  The people are in control you say? Dodging bombs from the sky makes that a little difficult.
And I really don't think this is your color.

To Rahm Emanuel (who looks just like my friend Vinny's brother - I kid not!) was booted off the ballot and somehow became Mayor of Chicago anyway. Now there's an example of people in control.


      
To the 14 absentee lawmakers in Wisconsin who are about to lose their parking spaces and other perky perks for not showing up at work. I like it! The protesters now have more sleeping room for tent and merry-making.
And besides, all you need is one Swiss Senator with Mubarak's bank account information to balance the budget. Why didn't you think of that? And you call yourself the Swiss cheese capitol of the world. 





To Google:  PLEASE don't lose my emails again this week even if you do lose your algorithm. But I just don't see what Al Gore has to do with it anyway. It sounds like a personal problem to me.


  THANK you for finding them amongst the tapes in your mysterious storehouse. Maybe Al could use some to patch up the ozone layer. Why don't they ask me these things?


BTW: If Kadafi  would pull a Mubarak and Mubarak would fly in the proposed no-fly zone -
all problems solved!
And we wouldn't have to hear anymore crazy talk while they are upgrading their resumes. 
I could have saved 'em a lot of time ya know.

On an important side note: I hear the United States government will be in operation for at least two more weeks after all. Whew! And I thought they might close the federally funded nail salons.




Does this make sense to you?
  All the teachers in Providence, Rhode Island were given pink slips but Rush Limbaugh still has a job.

To the wacko church members hellbent on picketing military funerals (I'd said this before ya know).... Just 'cause you won a Supreme Court decision today based on the premise of free speech does not mean the price paid for it was free. Your freedom to say it was bought with blood already spilled by the American soldiers you love to hate.





Mexican border mayhem:
Please, for the love of God, stop supplying weapons to Mexican drug dealers from my corner of the globe. I am ashamed.

 To the Apple iPhone designers: I just have one word to say about your virtual keypad. F.I.N.G.E.R.N.A.I.L.S
Sigh.



To Mr. Webster! Please! I have seen exactly 23 ways to spell the Libyan leader's name in the last 24 hours. Somebody call it.



To Charlie Sheen:  
Go directly to Rehab. Do not pass Go. Do not collect $200


We could use a little more duct tape in this country.
And maybe some soap.


Whew! I feel better. Thanks for listening.
Sixty seconds flew by. I think my blogsomnia is cured.
Lights out.

Photo credit: Public domain and Creative Commons 2.0

20 comments:

Amanda Moore said...

OMG Mimi you are back in top form this was hilarious! and we do need more duct tape and lots more soap!

Red Shoes said...

Very good!! I LOVE this!!

~shoes~

Photo Girl said...

Wonderful post! You've really got me thinking...at 2 o'clock in the morning. :)

"Lois Grebowski" said...

De-lurking to say that the Middle East stuff scares the bujeebus out of me. My prayers are with those affected by the violence.

Mimi Lenox said...

Amanda - Soap. Yes. And thank you.

Red Shoes - Good to see you!

Photo Girl - Insomnia?? Not good. But glad you landed here with us.

Lois - I know, Lois. I can't even begin to imagine what those people are going through right now.

Finding Pam said...

Mimi, I am so glad you are back!

These people make you wonder "has the world gone mad?"

What about the price of gasoline? If everything trickles down then we are in trouble. I hope crazy doesn't trickle downward.

jennifer said...

*clap*clap*clap*clap*

Well said Mimi. I don't think I'll shield my kids from your post - I think I'll encourage them to read it.

I wish I could send a Peace Globe to the people in the Middle East. I just can't imagine what it must be like to parent children in the middle of chaos and unrest. I don't want to find out either.

Akelamalu said...

With all the madness in the world it makes Charlie Sheen look sane don't you think? ;)

Sherry Blue Sky said...

So hilarious, Mimi. I loved every word.

Charles Gramlich said...

I believe the Westboro freaks DO have the right to protest. The only problem with the supreme court decision is that then other people should have the right to kick the living crap out of the Westboro folks for disrupting their funereal. Taht would be ok with me.

Jean-Luc Picard said...

You really did a top post here, with some sharp points! Well done|

The Gal Herself said...

Mimi, Rahm is Mayor of Chicago, and anyone here will tell you, that is a far more powerful post than mere Governor of Illinois. He's our first Jewish Mayor, which is a big deal, and also undoubtedly the only nine-fingered ballet-dancing Mayor we've ever had.

Love your comment to the wacko church members. Hope they see and think about what you wrote (though I bet they move their lips as they read it).

Vinny "Bond" Marini said...

dats my brotha! yup it am!

Excellent post

Mimi Lenox said...

Pam - Gasoline! Ack! Another issue. How will I get to the beach this summer? Ack!
"I hope crazy doesn't trickle downward."
HA HA HA

Jen - Ohhhh.....that you would allow your kids to read this. That is too precious to me. Thank you.

You know we do have some peace globes from the Middle East. I should make a post about them soon. Go ahead, send yours to them. Actually, that's a fabulous idea. Hmmm...

Mimi Lenox said...

Akelamalu - You do have a point!!

Sherry - Glad you enjoyed it. It's hard to combine serious with silly....but I kind of enjoy the challenge. Thanks!

Jean-Luc - Thank you my friend.

Charles - I believe they have the right as well - if we are to uphold the Constitution and what it means for all of us - but I so wish they would exercise common decency!!! That ain't gonna happen.
And to use the name of "God" and "Jesus" to justify their madness....argh.
I can't imagine being a family member who has to deal with this insanity during a time of grief.

Mimi Lenox said...

Gal - I said Governor of Illinois! Ha!! I knew that. What is wrong with me. OH, I am laughing at myself.

Mimi Lenox said...

Gal "I bet they move their lips as they read it." HA!

Vinny - The resemblance is uncanny. Truly!

coopernicus said...

the was some back up you stored during your medical leave....hopefully some of the pressure has lessened...

Jamie said...

Glad to see you have recovered and are once more in top form. Pass the duct tape. I have some "for goodness sakes shut up!!" candidates.

Travis Cody said...

Well you had quite a lot to say, didn't you? I guess some time away from the blog to recuperate was good for you.

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