Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Before I Fall Any Deeper ~ The Tale of The Garlic Kisser

I've decided to answer these questions based on last week's date with the man I have been interested in lately. I promise to be as kind as he was to me.

1. When is the last time you went out to dinner with someone special? Tell us about it.

Friday night. It had been a long long week of anticipation. The sight of him was sweet relief to my soul. But then....

2. Show us a picture of your favorite cuisine.
I promised him I wouldn't show his picture on my blog or mention him on FB. Ahem. I promised! (Dark eyes. Younger. Head of beautiful hair. Bright. Funny. What's not to like?)

3. What is the funniest thing a man/woman has said to you lately?
Waitress: Would you like the spicy, sir?
Mr. Wonderful: I don't think you have anything spicier than her.
I laughed. She blushed.

4. What makes a gentleman a gentleman in today’s dating world? Are there any left?
I appreciate manners in a man. Opening doors. Taking my arm. Helping with my sweater and chair. Politeness. He was all those things. Major points. But then....

5. Is there anything you won’t tolerate when out to dinner with your significant other?
I doubt if I felt there was something intolerable about the man that I'd be out with him in the first place. Of course it has been my experience that it takes quite a while to really know someone to begin with...and just when you think you do, you don't....and by that time they're your significant other and it's just....just.....arghhh!!!

Now that's intolerable.

6. What type of ambiance do you enjoy in an eating establishment?
Quiet surroundings. Soft music. No noisy children. Candlelight. Elegance. Coloring books on the table. (in case he's boring)

7. Tell us about the worst public dining experience you ever had, whether it be a date or with your family.
It would have to be the online dating disaster with the man from Romania. His picture was at least 20 years younger than he was (which made him around 70) and I was in my mid-forties.
This was back before I actually had the nerve to exit before it began (now I just feign a migraine and pick up my crayons) so I was trapped on the 3rd floor of the mall with a man who looked like he could have been my grandfather who grabbed my hand with both of his and told me he was looking for an American wife.
It was the longest 15 minutes of my life!!!

No wait....that wasn't the worst. It was the man whose profile pic was in a gym as a body builder and then the standing-beside-the-firetruck-pose-that-got-me (don't ask me why I went out with him in the first place, just don't ask) and when we met it was OBVIOUS that he was quite gay. Flaming. Homosexual. F.L.A.M.I.N.G.
And oblivious to the flame.
Or it was the night I spent with my sister in the tent at the lake when we were teens and it was raining in the beanie weenie can. Nope. It was the man from Romania.

But back to Mr. Wonderful from Friday night......

8. What is the lamest or rudest thing a man/woman has said to you lately?
"I'm not a waiter."
"Lucky for you," I replied, "I'm not a waitress."
Of course that was AFTER the fabulous rain kissing sequence that should have been in a movie somewhere. I dared him. He complied.
But then......

9. Are you a good tipper?
He most certainly was.
Trouble is, I didn't have a clue what that dinner would cost ME.

10. Do you ask for doggie bags when you leave food on your plate at a restaurant?
I did not ask for a doggie bag but he insisted I take it home with me. I tend to leave a lot of food on my plate....or maybe it's just that I talk too much at dinner.
Either way, I had chicken, rice, and a lot of text messages the next day. Yum.

11. What is your pet peeve about restaurants and dining out in general?
People who bring loud children and don't make them behave.
I will move or ask the waitress to find another table.

Preferably in Siberia.

12. Do you prefer to order yourself or do you ever let your significant other order for you?
He ordered appetizers for us. They were drenched in garlic and butter. Did you know that garlic and butter makes a man a better kisser? It must be true. At least that is my humble opinion. At the very least it was good for my cholesterol. And the bounce in my skirt.
I can unequivocally say that he holds the title for Best Kisser EVER. Now that's something.
If only.....

13. Describe your most intimate romantic dinner ever. (fantasy or real)
A slow brain seduction over chicken cordon bleu and something that looks like one of Jamie's famous truffles. The where is unimportant. The intimacy begins way before the first course is served and lasts clearly into breakfast mugs and bacon. Am I making myself clear?

14. Do you enjoy piano bars?
Only if I'm not asked to play. But one day soon I intend to climb atop a baby grand somewhere and render. It must be a night when I'm wearing a slit in my skirt.

15. If you could go anywhere in the world for dinner, where would it be and who would you be with?

I would walk away from the man from Romania, bring a patch for the dripping tent and figure out a way to know beFORE I get into a car with a man that he is about to turn into the world's biggest ass.

Goodnight, Mr. Wonderful. The garlic was indeed....spicy.
Even in soaking rain.

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Ferd said...

I'm very happy for my Queen!

Charles Gramlich said...

garlic and butter make most everything better.

Mojo said...

Garlic and diced tomatoes scalded in olive oil make an excellent garnish for frog legs. So if you had to kiss another frog, at least you had the right seasoning for him.

See, the problem here is that you overrated his kissing skillz. As everyone knows, I am the Greatest Kisser Ever. Kissing is an art (dammit) that involves far, far more than lips and tongues. Great Kisses, begin with the mind, not the mouth. You're only as good at it as she thinks you are, and if you disrespect her it doesn't matter how soft your lips or how good your technique. Something that clearly escaped your Mr. Wonderful Garlic Breath.

What a shame...

Akelamalu said...

Mmmmm garlic butter kisses - I like garlic. ;)

The Gal Herself said...

They say garlic is very cleansing. Sounds like, in your case, it worked for both body and soul. And I hope poor Michelle Pfeiffer knows she's about to get a run for her money.

Mimi Lenox said...

Ferd - Hold your horses, my friend. We shall talk.

Mimi Lenox said...

Charles - Very true!

Mimi Lenox said...

Mojo - Taking notes on the frog legs. What do you mean IF I have to kiss another frog. That's all my menu has been for the loooongest time.

While I appreciate your self-evaluation on the state of your pucker, I do believe I am correct when I say that he was the best kisser in my repertoire of kissers to date. Or maybe it was just the chemistry that threw me into a fog....I don't know....but nonetheless, there wasn't a darn thing wrong with the rain kissing or his mind.

I liked this.."if you disrespect her it doesn't matter how soft your lips or how good your technique. Something that clearly escaped your Mr. Wonderful Garlic Breath.

It escaped him.


Mimi Lenox said...

Akelamalu - Just trying to take the good out of this experience. Garlic butter kisses were THAT good.
And then it wasn't.


Mimi Lenox said...

Gal - Ha! Although he said our favorite singer was our "relationship metaphor," I believe it just might be the garlic after all.

A shame. Really a shame.

dawn said...

Garlic and butter makes a man a better kisser?

duly noted.

Jean-Luc Picard said...

You seem to have had and fun time both during and after your meal!

Travis Cody said...

The "not a waiter...not a waitress" line is classic.

But I am sorry that such a promising start went wrong.

Mimi Lenox said...

Dawn - I suspect he was a great kisser before the garlic. lol

Mimi Lenox said...

Jean-Luc - ALL was not lost. It really was fun.

Mimi Lenox said...

Travis - I'm sure it's for the best. Aren't I?

Yes, Mimi, it is for the best. (that was the voice of reason. It was not the voice of garlic kissing)

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