Thursday, February 4, 2010

Mimi In A Minute ~ Call 1-800-TOYOTA

These things keep me up at night.
They give me a headache.
I just need sixty seconds of your time to unclog my pencil brain
so that I can get some sleep.
Do you mind? I have a few things to say.
This is Mimi unplugged.

Hide your children.

To Toyota: As I recall, a Recall is when you take it back to the store or manufacturer for a replacement or repair. I don't think a metal "shim" is going to work for me. I would like a blue Spyder Convertible this time (to match peace globes) and a better CD player.
I'll wait. I know you're busy.

Remember! When you get my car back, do this: But not to worry. It only fails in rare circumstances.
In which case you should....

Not to worry. This only fails in rare circumstances.
Now that you have lost the ability to steer the vehicle
Not to worry. This only fails in rare and fatal circumstances
But don't call me
I'll be on a sunny beach in my new blue Spyder. Call your friendly neighborhood Toyota dealership.
They'll fix you right up with another one.

To Fox News on the hiring of Sarah Palin:
Please. I am begging you.
Shift her into neutral.
Turn off the microphone.
It's called premature recall.

But seriously, Toyota... When there are recalls on baby beds because the slats are too narrow for our baby's precious heads, we do not hear "If your baby's head gets stuck in the slats, apply 3 seconds of Vaseline oil first, shift into a new diaper immediately and if that doesn't work call the manufacturer."

I think not.

But not to worry - it only sticks in rare circumstances

Pffft! Toyota listen.....
Some people change lanes.
I change shoes.
I just thought my gas pedal was sticking because I got the leopard print 3-inch stuck behind the floor mat. My vehicle did not come with instructions on how to safely disrobe on the exit ramp. And NOW you tell me I've got a real problem here.

Meanwhile, in other joyous news: Attention Match dot com!
Jennifer Aniston has reportedly signed up for a dating service.
There is no hope for any brunette anywhere in the known world.
I might as well cancel my subscription.

And really. I drive like a bat out of hell.
You expect me to shift while I am screaming??!

Do you see this child? This is my sweet Baby Boy.
Does he look happy to you?
He is sitting in the backseat of my Toyota.
We are trying to discuss chocolate milkshakes and trains.
Forgive me if I misspeak but there is no amount of bulls**t cover-your-butt emergency instructions and trip-over-yourself press conferences I've heard YET that has reassured me of his safety.

He deserves a car with brakes.
Something in blue?

Whew! I feel better. Thanks for listening.
Sixty seconds flew by. I think my blogsomnia is cured.
Lights out.

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Jay said...

The local news was doing a story on Toyota tonight and they were riding along with a local dealer. (Car dealer, not meth deal, although there are many, many more meth dealers than car dealers around here. And there are A LOT of car dealers.) Anyway, while they were taping the story the car's gas pedal stuck. The sales dude was cool enough to throw the car into neutral and get it stopped. They pretended that it was all totally normal.

I'm glad I don't drive a Toyota right now.

Travis said...


Mimi wrote bullshit on her blog!

I do understand the motivation though.

bobbybegood1 said...

It's ten o'clock at night. Waaaayyyy past my beauty sleep time. My brain is fried right now, but I will give ya your sixty seconds of fame. First, SHAME on Toyota. Second, SHAME on Fox. Third, Who cares about Jennifer -- I SURE AS HELL DON'T. And fourth, are you alright? Now, Mem Sahib, may I go to bed? Sleepily LOL!!

Mimi Lenox said...

Jay - You've GOT to be kidding me.
I will never get rid of this car now.

Mimi Lenox said...

Travis - Yes, I did.
And then I felt bad because you saw it and I knew you and your positive self would be shocked so I changed it to bulls**t

I'm such a chickensh**t

Mimi Lenox said...

Bobby - Shame on all of 'em! Bah! And thank you for giving me my 60 seconds. Sleep well.

Jamie said...

Now that you have disposed of the demons, sleep well my queen and dream of that new Spyder that better be in your driveway tomorrow.

Mimi Lenox said...

Jamie - The disposing gave me a headache. I'm sending the bill to Toyota.

Finding Pam said...

I have a Toyota Tundra Crewmax that is two years old. I feel the same way as you do. While I do love my truck, I want it fixed now.

What else could you expect from Fox. That's a no brainer for sure.

Oh my, Jennifer needs a dating service! I would not worry too much because she does not have a castle, dungeon, or a kingdom with followers that adore her.

I read your previous post and I know how hard this is for you.

Cogitator said...

Jennifer A needs a dating service? Perhaps she can't sing.


Gary's third pottery blog said...

I didn't know I had a shoe fetish until I saw that leopard print thing, MEOW!!!!!

*jean* said...

and i'm sure that ms. palin says this is all the anteee-american's fault

Charles Gramlich said...

Jennifer anniston is cute, but there are many brunettes cuter.

The Gal Herself said...

Now, when it comes to scary things, Toyotas are right up there with shower stalls in secluded motels run by mama's boys named Norman. This is big and it's rotten and I hope it gets solved completely AND SOON!

I'm glad Sarah Palin is on Fox. At least she's contained.

Jean-Luc Picard said...

My dad's friend has just bought a Toyota.

Oh dear.

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