Monday, August 17, 2009

Monday Mimisms ~ Is The State of Bloggingham Ready For This?

He was born in between Act 1 and Act 2 of a play I was directing out of town. I didn't get back to the hospital in time. I got the call behind the curtain on my cell phone amidst audience applause and a set change. I like to tell him that the minute he was born people applauded.

Before I get all mushy let me just get on with it.

Today he starts kindergarten.
I am a pencil skirt mess.

I very much resented the day his father started school. I didn't want to let him go either. I didn't want the State to have him. I wanted to be his teacher forever and ever amen. I didn't want him being influenced by God-knows-what out in the big bad world of society who will invade the seat beside him and at recess.

But Baby Boy must go. And go he will.
I thought I should warn 'em first.

Ten Things You Should Know Before You Let Him In The Door

(Which one of you is going to hold me back from peeking in the windows?)

1. If there's no peanut butter for lunch, he won't eat.

2. Don't ever ever EVER make him take his shoes off. He was traumatized at the airport last year when they floated away in a bucket. He's in therapy.

3. Bullies: Baby Boy will not hit back. He will walk away and find a new friend. Even with a black eye. Dial 1-800-Bloggingham.

Then call a lawyer 'cause I'm coming to that school.

4. No matter what he tells you, his Mimi does not walk around wearing a crown and a short skirt. I'm just like your other average everyday PTSO Mimis.
Just don't ask me to bake cookies.

5. He can be stubborn. Real stubborn.

6. Do not send him to the school psychologist when he tells you about his imaginary dog, Homer. He really does have an imaginary dog. His reality is imagination and his imagination is reality so you can't say the boy has no imagination for Pete's sake - in his world the imagination line is not thin - it's invisible - somewhere off the Bell curve by about a stratosphere.

7. You'll have to remind him to uncover one side of his face on School Picture Day. It's a family affliction.


8. He best not be the last one picked on any team or you will hear about it from the accounting firm of Bloggers International and International and International, an internationally known posse of internationally known bloggers extraordinaire.

Do not make them come to that school.
9. Be warned evil school people! Whatever you say and do is being recorded. He tells me everything. He has a camera. He has a blog. He has a technorati rating. He has followers following me following you following me and he is following you. Follow?

And most importantly -

If he gets in trouble don't call me - call his father.
I'll be at the nail salon with a latte.


Ferd said...

Oh, Mimi!
It's a big day!
Can I send you a box of Kleenex?

Mimi Lenox said...

Ferd - The puffy kind please...

Charles Gramlich said...

Egads. A major day indeed. My thoughts are with you.

Svem said...

What a lucky boy!

Svem said...

There's nothing you can do that can't be done
Nothing you can sing that can't be sung
Nothing you can say but you can learn how to play the game
It's easy

Vodka Mom said...

omg MIMI!!!

I wish here were in my class!!

But don't worry, his teacher will hold him close, and help him spread his wings........

Akelamalu said...

Oh it's a big day! The third of my grandchildren starts school in September - the other two have survived well. :)

Xmichra said...

lol.. I'll meet up for a latte ;)

I was pretty good when Kira went to kindergarten last year. But now she is entering REAL chool. where the days are full & stuff... GASP!

The Gal Herself said...

Oh, this is HUUUUUGE! I completely understand how you're feeling. But here's something to hang on to. As nervous as you are now, you'll be doubly proud when he reports to you how well it went.

PS I can't believe teachers still allow that "choosing sides for basketball" thing. How many generations have to be traumatized before they abandon it?

Dawn (Twisted Sister) said...

I bet you will be peeking in the windows! I don't blame you... this is a big step for you. I'm sure Baby Boy will handle it just fine. After all, he has Mimi and she has a dungeon. What more could a kid ask for?

Bond said...

Big Day Ms. Queen...gee..most of those rules apply to you too!

Travis said...

I must have commented on the post that didn't exist. So I say again...

Don't fear for Baby Boy. Rather rejoice that the world now gets to experience that little boy.

katherine. said...

so many new stories he will tell.

I can just imagine having you as a class (grand) would be simply grand.

(have genuflecting instructions been issued to the staff?)

jennifer said...

I can't wait to see half of his school photo :)

Have you recovered yet? Sometimes it takes a few days.... and a few shopping trips.

Mimi Lenox said...

Ha! We survived the first semester of Kindergarten. He continues to tell me that he didn't learn a thing.

I am going to that school.

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