Equal Time To Female Nonsense ~ The Men Speak
-->Yesterday I wrote a rather bleak and humorous view on the joys of internet dating. While the goal, at least for me, is to leave “the internet” and find a real live human to relate to outside the chatty box of life, I might have erred on the estrogen side of the virtual playground. A tad.
But the egg doesn't fall far from the testosterone tree either. So to speak. My male readers had a lot to say about my post.
They made valid points.
In response to guy #1 who said to me "I wish for you to email photos...." Bachelor Ricardo from Connecticut and author of the blog Unloaded writes,
"Well the first guy seemed a bit to clingy. I saw red flags.
Personally I use "I command you" instead of "I wish for you to." Little humor there.
The second guy seemed to just be at the end of his rope with online dating and has now become callus and defensive. If he's already frustrated with the situation as a whole then things like the calling with unknown numbers will set him off. He's thinking you're up to something.
Remember, for all the nonsense you have put up with there are guys putting up with nonsense from the female side.
So the whole thing becomes a vicious circle. I think online is really not the best place to meet people. There's to much to misread.
But then again it works out wonderfully for a select few."
And he's right. Let me be the first to give equal time to female nonsense. Read his series on a real-life experience with The Bennington Girl here. It proves that a man's best intentions can be derailed by a woman just as easily. He came back today to remind me to be careful and protect my privacy. Thank you for that.
Mojo from the great state of North Carolina mused,
"......when one responds to my initiatives (not quite bupkes in those cases, but close enough), I always give up my digits -- and make a point of telling her how to suppress caller ID (*67 for those who don't know) if she wants to. I figure this helps defuse the apprehension. Unfortunately it usually defuses the opportunity as well. Don't ask me why, I've given up trying to understand it. I'd say I don't know why I still bother, but (closer to) the truth is that I actually don't still bother. Who needs this?"
His last statement "who needs this?" was exactly my train of thought when I wrote it all down. Looking at what happened rationally didn't help either. Both conversations were irrational. A waste of my time.
Jean-luc Picard Captain of the USS Enterprise pondered, "That conversation was very weird. I'm sure men meet some strange women online as well"
I will be the first to admit there are some strange people everywhere.
Even in space! That's not what I meant, Jean-luc......see what I mean? The printed word can be misread and misinterpreted so easily.
Smorgzone abides by the west coast sea finding hidden treasures. He wrote, "Wow... Why am I feeling lucky for not having ever been on a dating website? : I think I'll just get a cat and resign myself to pampering him instead! ;o)
Ferd was his usual Frankensteiny big-brothery self and wrote in a panic (would you expect anything less from a guy with this pic?) "As I was reading, I was thinking, "attagirl!," I mean "attaQueen!," and "right on!," then "exactly!," and "way to go!," and "you go, sister!," but then you have to finish with Butthead Sutherland. WTF!?! Can you give me Homer's number? WHY NOT!? I want it and I want it NOW!"
Homer was on a date last night and couldn't be reached.
Story of my life.
But thank you, my friend. Can I use #67....?? Bwaahaahaa....
Eric the Speedcat Minnesota dweller offered a drive-by funny to cheer me up and "John from Charlottesville who writes Buddha On The Road was spot on with this: "
"Are all men insane? No, not all. 80%. Same as women."
I stand corrected and plead guilty to occasional sanity.
And this cracked me up from Southern (in)Sanity hailing form Alabama and the Great Smoky Mountains wrote, "Are all men insane?"
"I wish for you not to make such a blanket comment." Ha ha ha
Author Charles Gramlich who writes Razored Zen had an interesting observation on my taste in cerebral men and Vinny (Bond) who occasionally loans out Guido and Bruno for my protection and recently became engaged to a lovely woman he met on a dating site (!) was concerned I'd offended Kiefer Sutherland by misspelling his name. Thanks for looking out for me, Vin. That's probably why he cancelled our date!
While I did post this disclaimer just for my male readers **All male bloggy friends should now cover their ears.
I am not talking to you, okay? You are all wonderful....*
I am not talking to you, okay? You are all wonderful....*
after re-reading the entire scenario last night I wasn't sure if they knew how much I appreciated their weighing in on the subject anyway.
I really do know that the insanity walks the equator.
So I'll keep writing about my adventures. It's good therapy with good friends right here.
And I'll remember that when I DO find a connection I WON'T be blogging about it. -->
Sometimes I use humor to cover up pain or loneliness (there I said it) and sometimes I use it to self-analyze, at times a bit of both. Many people at this stage of their lives have been disillusioned - both sexes - but the fine line between allowing yourself to be jaded and bravely looking at the truth life has thrown in your romantic direction is indeed a fine - and sometimes sobering - line. I think my reaction to this fork in the road is normal. You do tend to score up the past and connect the dots while taking personal inventory. Guilty as charged. But in my writing here, even with everyone watching, I find it hard to censor. It's one thing to say to someone "Oh. Stop looking. Just when you least expect it....Get back on the horse and all rest yada yada" from well-meaning friends (and they are!) but it is quite another to take a look in the mirror and wonder how many times you're going to have to saddle up.
My look in the mirror was yesterday's post.
Thanks for listening.
Thanks for listening.
GoodniteYesterday's post: Lie To Me and Other Fantasy MenCopyright © 2006-2009 Mimi Lenox. All Rights Reserved.
Copyright © 2006-2009 Mimi Lenox. All Rights Reserved.
31 comments:
Something recently occurred to me that I feel may be the same for you. In my head, I have this expectation that others I deal with to be as intelligent as I. That sounds horribly conceited, but there it is. By some random chance, most of the males I've had relationships (at least intellectually) reached that expectation. The reason I get so frustrated at work is that there's a reason that "gifted" is considered "gifted." Evidently, it's a small population. Perhaps you have similar expectations & have yet to find your equal. I sincerely hope you do. You deserve happiness, tenderness, companionship & all of the frustrations that co-habitating with another human encompass. :)
I don't know if it's "normal" or not, but I've given up on looking for "my someone." He'll come into my life or he won't. I am relaxed and content with this, especially since The Baby Ship has sailed. So while my attitude may not be "normal," for me, it's healthy.
You, however, seem to be a gracious and benevolent ruler who would appreciate having the right consort at your side. Not any consort, mind you. You're too unique a monarch and Bloggingham is too special a kingdom for that. It must be frustrating to have to weed through all those pretenders to the throne as you search for the right one to share your world.
So don't worry if your reaction to "this fork in the road" is "normal" or not. Normal isn't for you, Your Highness. I believe your reaction is, however, just right, appropriate and healthy for you.
What the gal herself said. It will happen when you least expect it to happen.
Have a terrific day. Big hug and lotsa lovies. (I found out what was wrong with my eye)...Now for the fix. :)
There is really nothing like writing a post and have readers (usually fellow bloggers/writers)get into your post at take the time to write almost a post about it. I thought the original was honest and brilliant, and with trhis follow up...BRAVO! And even the comments before mine are blog worthy...
Did I ever tell you about the woman I met on a dating site that tried to convert me to Buddhism on the first date?
No, I'm not kidding. I couldn't possibly make up anything that good.
Autumn - Hmmmmm....brain food for thought. You are cerebral, my dear. I am far from a "bookworm" type but intelligence is important to me. Very.
Mimi, thank you so much. I think I speak for all of us when I say that we want to see you find the right guy that gels well with the Palace and kingdom. It's a hard find and not everyone can get a seat next to the throne. These are bumps in the road and I think the right guy will come around in good time.
Gal - How can I phrase this? I don't "need" someone to "complete" me, you understand....heaven's no....and neither do you. We're much too independent for that. But I do know myself. And I know that I am my best creative self when I am in love. Something about the "giving" over to someone else without holding back, fuels everything else.
Your comment was balm to my soul. Thank you for your kindness.
Sandee - I will email you about the eye. I've been wondering and saying little prayers along the way.
It will happen. Will I be 90?
Bud - Thank you. There seems to be post in each one of these comments, very true. I appreciate the time people take to comment and get involved in my life. It is a blessing to me.
Mojo - You DID tell me that once. I thought it was the funniest story. You blogged it, didn't you?
If not, you should!
Ricardo - I take that as positive karma. And the same to you....she will appear.
Well, I am glad you were amused by my comment.
You know me, my Queen. Mostly in jest, only a little in serious, but 100% concerned with your health and welfare!
I really did enjoy the post. And I agree, men are good at insane. Personally, I prefer immaturity.
And again this is why I don't date!! While I totally support your feelings that you are more creative with someone in your life, I have just the opposite to be true for me. Of course I plan to date again in the future but I am diggin my Man Fast =)
Southern - Twas amusing.
Ferd - Immature is the perfect word. But when women display the dreaded immaturity gene, it is viewed as "clingy"...why IS that?
And thanks for caring.
P.S. Ferd - I take that back. I've known some immature/clingy men as well.
Starr - I don't think I'll declare a Man Fast but the concept is interesting. Less drama, eh?
Creativity and the love juices flowin'....totally true for me. Like an electric charge.
I haven't been with the-someone-I loved since spring 08....nearly a year....let's break that down into consumable monthly chunks, shall we?
There. I feel better already.
I think.
Here let me make you feel better. My last relationship ended in Sept ....of 2004 ;)
Starr - I do not feel better.
But this too shall pass.
Life is complicated.
Mimi - I had a funny one when I went out again this round. http://hahnathome.com/?p=1490
Then there was the woman when I emailed her replied, "What could we POSSIBLY have in common?" First I took it as a challenge, then by the second email reply I just said "You are SO right..." She was just an ass and a rude one to boot.
My sister is once again on a Internet dating hiatus after the guy she met at the museum was easily 65 when he said he was 49. Oh, an 6'0 tall (she's 5'11) which always means subtract 2 inches apparently in guy speak - so was about 5'10.
Is there a perfect solution? I don't see how because if I hadn't had the Internet, I'd never meet anyone. I don't go out enough and unless someone has a big pink triangle posted on themselves somewhere, I'd never know who the queers were!
Lana and I met online, though not through any official dating service. We met through chat, and got to know each other quite well before we met in person.
Great comments, great thoughts! You are an amazing thinker and communicator.
Blogging is therapeutic... I love the honesty in this post.
I think 'eccentric' is a more polite name for crazy.
Hahn can not think only the guys cheat on stats...I met more women that had posted pictures 10+ years old and 50+ pounds ago...
But as you mentioned...it can work...I know, I am proof!
...and my husband's Chinese name is...
SUM DUM GAI
...and his brother...
BIG DIM GAI
...it never ends.
And sometimes when you least expect it, somebody thumps you on the head.
I'm lucky in that I tend to pick up a vibe off writing styles and that usually proves 90% accurate, regardless of bad grammar or words worthy of misinterpretation. I once met a guy online who was smooth, lucid, smart and polite... he creeped me out. A friend got to know him better and... he was a creep.
But what it is within the writing I tune into I can't always explain. Just that I'll read a few paragraphs and think "Yeah, I like this person" or "RUN NOW!!" and I've never been wrong yet. I have messed up though. In this case it was the female version. A nice homey gal who made my brain scream "Run!" it didn't make sense, she was so nice... so I overrode instinct and became an internet friend.
A year later she was sending me emails threatening to chase me round the world with a broken bottle ( amongst other charming bodily harm threats) and stalking three of my internet friends. :-X
I've learnt my lesson - I'll trust my instincts from now on!
Humphrey Bogart?
he heeee .... (hug hug)
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