Wednesday, August 27, 2008

My Cell Phone Is Possessed By The Devil

In case you haven't noticed, the south is being drenched with rain.
Lots of rain.
I had to swim to work.

I spent two hours today - count 'em 120 minutes - trapped in a public building "assuming the position" with hundreds of other sweaty people waiting out a tornado warning. My little town saw touchdowns of the wind variety everywhere and flash flooding continues. This is not good for Bloggingham. The water pours down my little mountain and under the house. Don't ask. Renovations are needed. It just ain't pretty. Besides, the prisoners in the dungeon are really getting tired of bailing water and wearing funky swimming trunks all the time. So, all in all, it's been a rather bizarre day, followed by an extremely weird night. Thinking I might have to deal with a power outage in the middle of the night and these guys on the road in the morning (it's a small old-fashioned town...stay with me here) and needing to get up early, I set my regular reliable alarm clock for 6:15 and a backup alarm on my cellphone for 6:15 am. Just in case. I watched the Democratic National Convention and fell asleep (who wouldn't? Just kidding!)

There was a strange feeling in the palace.
Oh. Did I mention Bloggingham is haunted.......?

At fifty-three minutes past midnight, exactly fifty-three minutes after I fell asleep, I hear this, "It is time to get up. The time is 12:53. It is time to get up. The time is 12:53. It is time to get up. The time is 12:53. It is time to get UP."

I thought it was Alice Alarm, you know the "voice" in my alarm system telling me someone had broken in the house or a door was open somewhere. She has a very nice voice I might add......But this was not my buddy Alice. It was like one of those scary clown voices coming from the closet. (I videotaped the sound for you but Blogger wouldn't upload it.)


I literally jumped out of my comfy rain-induced euphoria and pounded on the Nokia trying to turn the horrible sound off. I uttered an un-Queenly reply, looked around the room for ghosts and turned the phone OFF. O.F.F.
I would just have to rely on the alarm clock by my bed which I equally despise because I am sooo not a morning person. Lights out. Back to sleep.
The rain is pouring. I am sleeping soundly.

And then I hear......"It is time to get up. The time iiiiissss 3:53. It is time to get up. The time is 3:53. It is time to get up. The time is 3:53. It is time to get up. The time is 3:53. It is time to get UP!"

I kid you not.
I hate her! She is such a snit.
By this time I am thoroughly spooked because I know I turned the phone O.F.F. I didn't snooze (I don't even know how), I didn't reset it. I turned it off completely and watched the little screen fade to black.
I swear on my pencil skirt I turned the phone off. WHO or WHAT turned it back on???

I FINALLY get back to sleep...and have nightmares about a body-less woman with only a head (!) covered in a colorful kerchief (!) and peering evil eyes who keeps stalking me everywhere I go throughout my day. All night long. Constantly watching me. Following me around. Her head floating in the air. ICK!
Meanwhile, the thundering storms knock the power out -of course - in the middle of the night. Don't ask me how I woke up this morning. It was not the reliable alarm clock which had obviously been knocked out by the storm and was wildly blinking 12:00 when I fell out of bed - for the third time in six hours - exactly 50 minutes before I had to BE at work.

Where was Alice when I needed her?
And who or WHAT woke me up?

So tonight in my little bungalow in the deep southern woods where all things unthinkable abide, I placed the phone on the Bible (Corinthians 13 The "Love Chapter" in case you're wondering) threw some spritzer water on it and performed a cell-exorcism.


It can't hurt.
It's still raining and I need sleep.




 Copyright © 2008 Mimi Lenox. All Rights Reserved.

27 comments:

Empress Bee (of the High Sea) said...

well mimi that's just scary as all heck and back! i think most southern homes are haunted. our crazy dead relatives don't like to leave us. but still??

smiles, bee
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Mimi Lenox said...

Bee - I'll be sleeping with the lights on tonight.

debi said...

You know...come to think of it...
I have a possessed smoke detector!
Once in awhile it will go off late at night when there's no lights on, no appliances on (and it has NO battery in it!) Unlike you, I can't reach it to turn it off (which explains why there's no battery in it)
Just one of those creepy mysteries of life...like where do socks go

JHS said...

Hi Mimi:

I sent you a couple of emails. Did you get them? (Perhaps they're in your junk mail folder?)

Regards,

JHS
Colloquium
The Rising Blogger

Desert Songbird said...

That TS Fay blew in a whole lotta trouble for everyone down south, didn't she? Man!

Lee said...

Why does stuff like this always happen when it's storming outside? I think cell phones have programming to allow pranksters to take control, secretly, when you least expect it.

Star8278 said...

Ughs, cell phones are evil! Hope all is well at the castle once again. Have a beautiful day.

Akelamalu said...

Oh Gawd, that's scary! I know computers have a mind of their own but cell phones! I'm gonna exorcise mine just in case. :(

Sandee (Comedy +) said...

Yikes, it's a wonder you still have that cell phone. Possessed I tell ya. Have a great day and Labor Day weekend. Big hug and lotsa lovies. :)

Bud Weiser, WTIT said...

Are you just looking for free swimming lessons? A haunted alarnm clock? Now that I might expect on the new milktoastTRB, but here at Bloggingham Palace? Oh, very funny post, BYW...

Bond said...

It is all a plan to make you insane I cooked up with those in the dungeon....

bwahahahahahahahahhahahaha

HUGS

Charles Gramlich said...

We're all getting worried here about a hurricane, so I grok you.

Ann said...

(laughing) That alarm clock needs to go for a swim...although, I would have been to scared to toss it.

I hope you get some sleep tonight. Send that clock to the dungeon.

Thanks for a great laugh...

Cheers,

Annie

Mimi Lenox said...

Debi - The smoke detector goes off with no batteries?! Yikes!

JHS - I have replied.

Songbird - A WHOLE lotta trouble.

Lee - You might be onto something here...

Star - All is well at the castle. It's not the cell phone that is evil. It's the little woman inside...

Akelamalu - I'm calling a priest next time. I can't toss it! I still have minute on it!

Sandee - You can say that again.. It's evil.

Mimi Lenox said...

Bud - Some things never change. The crazy woman and the peering evil eyes following me around....is it any wonder I had that dream? Just a little too close to home if you catch my drift.

Mimi Lenox said...

Vin - The plan is working my friend....bwahaahaa

Charles - Stay safe! I'll send up extra prayers.

Ann - Can't toss the phone until I use the minutes. And then it's toast. Possibly milktoast. Is there an echo in here?

the teach said...

All the cell exorcisms I've attended have worked. So don't worry, Mimi! :)

jennifer said...

If I just could have grabbed you before you stepped out of my site. I reached for your cashmere sweater and drew back air and the scent of a queens's signature fragrance.

OK, done. :)

I just posted the meme that you tagged me for. When you feel like dropping back by, it is there in Hostage Central!

Jen

It's All Good! said...

Hi, I'm over from Jen (dust bunny).
Too funny AND freaky!
Brenda :)

It's All Good! said...

Hi again, sorry I hit the button twice. duh!

Bobbi said...

I wish we were getting some of that rain in Kentucky! We've only had 1/10th of an inch the entire month of August!

Travis said...

I was going to thank you for at least not using the skeery orange picture in this post about skeery stuff. But then I scrolled down to make that comment and THERE WAS THE DANG PICTURE!!!

**sigh**

I'm gonna go find my woobie now.

debi said...

Sure beats the H.E.DoubleHockeySticks outta me how it happens! I have vaulted ceilings-so I can't reach the smoke detectors-which is why they have no batteries in them.

AngelBaby said...

I think you need a new phone, then you can take the battery our of the old one so it won't go on by itself anymore! LOL!

Would you like to join in on the Earthdance for peace meme? It is my first one! Let me know, OK?

I have something for you at my site so come by and see .......

Love and Blessings,
AngelBaby

Anndi said...

I think it was the geeky cute Verizon guy...

WillThink4Wine said...

That's rather creepy! You need to banish those poltergeists from the palace!

I don't even own an alarm clock. I haven't since my divorce in 1994. Don't need one. I go to bed about 8:00 PM and I'm up about 3:30-4:00. Sickening, isn't it?

Akelamalu said...

LOL the minute bit cracked me up! I still has 28 minutes on mine when I changed it so I ran both until the 28 minutes had gone!

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