Saturday, April 5, 2008

Monday Mimisms: Looking For a Candle In a Hurricane

“I'd be afraid to be in an airplane. I think I might fall down,” said my blue-eyed baby boy, as I showed him the pictures I snapped from the seat of the airplane that recently took me home to Bloggingham Palace.

"I like that one!” he grinned.
“Why?” I asked.
“It's bumpy,” he said.

Had I known just how bumpy the ride home would be when I snapped these photos, I might have opted for a parachute. By 7:30 the next morning, I not only needed a way out of a royal confusion, but a crystal ball would have come in handy as well, complete with a neat little storage bin for anger and a pocket for disbelief. I'll spare you the details.
Just call the child prodigious. Clairvoyant. Profoundly prophetic.

A firmly planted kiss on my left cheek, without my asking, from the four-year-old love of my life – for his “mimi” - told me all I need to know about love; the unconditional kind - borne of innocence and trust. Oh. Yes.

Thank God it still exists.
Before that sweetest of kisses, I wasn't so sure.

What does this cloud look like?” I asked him.
“I could walk on it!” he said in his big-boy voice.

Ah....but could you trust it to hold you up?”
questioned the disillusioned Queen.
“Maybe.....What do YOU think, Mimi?”

I was in no humor to wax philosophical. I could barely hold him on my lap, nor did I think I could do justice to his heavy-weighted questions. In fact, I had more questions than he.
I know little about clouds, even less about the fragility of nature or the whims of a brewing battle – real or imagined. Apparently, I have no judgment when it comes to changing winds at all.

But trust?
In a cloud?
That's something told in fairy tales. Isn't it?
The clouds in my airplane world began to rain this week – literally that night on the way home as our small plane was tossed about, caught in an unexpected windstorm. Then barely before I got home, another fierce storm broke. Swimming in overwhelming floods is not my forte. My blue-eyed boy had questions for which I had no answers. Or do I? asked the rambling Queen of Bloggingham.

Oh, will you please get to the point, Mimi?
What are you babbling about?

And so she struggled to answer her little man's questions.
She wanted to calm his fears. But today, the Queen had no answers.
His fears were imaginary. Her grownup fears were not.
How could I answer his wide-eyed curiosity when I, myself, could not even trust a cloud?

They look like clouds. They move like clouds. They sing like clouds. But are they?

How does one ever really know?

If you touch them, will they break?
If you love them, will they cry?
And why does the earth seem to tilt when you change directions?

How do you know if you will ever get back straight again?
Is it in the hands of the one you trust to steer it right?

Or yours......

“What are they made of?” he asked.
“Vapors and such,” I told him.
“What's a vapor?”
“Let's just say that some clouds are stronger than others, Little Man."

Questions. Questions. From a four-year-old. Would they ever end? My little guy's musings were not nearly as important as my own, I thought. I am much older. And still I have no answers. Just more ruminations of which I tire.

So, back to my blue-eyed baby boy. What was it again? Oh yes.
Trusting clouds.

And pilots.
And airplanes.
And people.

When he is older and ready for a brutally lucid grown-up opinion on the fragile deceptions of the heart, to which I have quite unexpectedly acquired a great deal of perception of late, perhaps I'll tell him this:
It is not the clouds you have to fear. Nor the sky you can't trust. It's not the promise of rain you can't believe in or the brilliant rays of this sunset on the horizon. It's not the beauty of this skyline that will change. Nor the sun. Nor the wind. Nor the bumpity clouds you see.
They are constant.

But people, my dear boy, now that's a different landscape.
And don't ever, baby boy, never ever
look down
Or you really might fall
and that could be very dangerous indeed
You might find out
That some clouds are only smoke and mirrors
Nothing more

It's not about trusting all the clouds, dear one.

But finding one – just one – that you can trust.

Ah....that's the rub.


Julie said... true. And sometimes the loving trusting one isn't the one you think it will be.

Discernment....I'm trying so hard to find that skill. It's a neverending process though.

Sandee (Comedy +) said...

I'm so sorry Mimi. Big hug honey. You will find the one you can trust. I just know it. You just have to use both your head and your heart. Love you sweetie. :)

Mo said...

clouds fly overhead
and I wish for your heart
some of their buoyancy and light

Empress Bee (of the High Sea) said...

funny thing mimi. when i opened the reader this morning there were 44 new posts. i kept skipping over yours and i don't know why. i didn't want to see it for some reason. i saved it for last and sighed as i read it. sadly this has gone the way of my son...

big hugs, bee

Patti said...

Mimi, you're stronger than you know.

You will come through these cloudy days to a new level of clarity. And of trust.
I know that good things are ahead for you.

Akelamalu said...

Ah trust, something we do that can turn out to be our undoing. Still we keep trying, as we should, hoping this time it will be right. xxx

Misty Dawn said...

Oh Mimi, I can so relate to this post on so many levels.

My thoughts are with you for the rain to clear.

Bond said...

There is one to is out there waiting for you

When it shows itself you will wear a smile forever - as will I knowing you are happy once more.

kathleenmaher said...

What a year you've slogged through already! Time for the bumps to reward you with some nice, reliable, high ground.

And we all know that the truly high ground belongs to you, Mimi.

bundle-o-contradictions said...

If I didn't have my one ray of sunshine, I would be lost. So many people are so unreliable. Friends, family, people you want to believe in. It can be hard, but it's nice to have at least a couple of bright spots to be grateful for. Sounds like your little guy is one such, even if he asks too many questions. ;)

Anndi said...

Mimi my dear...

No one, not even your friends that would love nothing more than to see you happy, can answer your questions.

Your happiness belongs to you, you make it. It's which flightpath you take that will make it easy.. or difficult. But in the end, somehow, you will arrive at that destination.

Why... a very good question indeed my dear.


the donG said...

i always love the clouds. cloud forms are one of the best example of nature's display of art. watching it from below is good but watching it from atop is amazing.

Mimi Lenox said...

Julie - Life is confusing sometimes and discernment is needed. "Love" clouds our judgment. Funny though, I always thought love would prevail.

Sandee - I will. Hugs and and love to you too.

Mo - What a lovely sentiment. Thank you.

Bee - Your son....I'm sorry. I know what it's like. That is the most grievous of betrayals and it hurts. Saying a prayer for you and yours.

Patti - Clarity would be nice. Oops. I forgot. I really do have that now, don't I? You know it's bad when the present seems worse than the hindsight crap you thought you missed.

Akelamalu - "Ah trust, something we do that can turn out to be our undoing"...well said and a brutal reality at times. This too shall pass.
And then, can I borrow your Hawaiian skirt?

Misty - Trust is an issue we all face in many different types of relationships. Friends, lovers, children, family -even trust isses with complete strangers and cyber-friends can cause us pain.
Trust is at the core of any relationship worth having.
When it's broken, there is no hope for a relationship at all.

Bond - I am basically a happy person most of the time and do not wish to rely on another for my happiness. I do make that myself. But at times......the road seems a little foggy.
This too shall pass.

Kathleen - What a lovely thing to say. I'm so ready for high ground. You're right. This year has been full of wonderful highs and low lows. Time to stay on top for a change. I agree.
Thanks for your encouragement. We all go through challenging and confusing times when we question everything, don't we?

Autumn - My little guy is the ligh of my life. And he gives the sweetest kisses. I could just smooch his little face.

Anndi - Sometimes asking 'why' is necessary. Call me a tad bit introspective.

the dong - It WAS amazing.
Thanks for stopping by.

Travis said...

Sometimes you just have to go back to center, eh?

. . . Dallas Meow . . . . >^^< . . . said...

too true

Casdok said...

Yes - finding the one you trust.

Lu' said...

Mimi, Thanks for popping over. I was here the other day, didn't comment but thought these photos were terrific. Your blog is creative. I like the phrase pencil skirt.

Patti said...

Hi again Your Majesty,
I asked Sir Ralph if he had read this post. He said he had (I know he didn't comment!) and asked me if I had seen your reflection in the last photo.
I hadn't, but now I have.
Very nice.

Michele (Rocky Mtn.Girl) said...

Thanks for dropping by my blog and I must say your photos are amazing and impressive. The post is beautiful and pensive and I think what you wrote was important for you and your family and you probably learned a little in writing these words and moved a step forward.

Akelamalu said...

You can borrow my Hawain skirt anytime you like my lovely, in the meantime you have an award to collect. xx

barbara said...

Dear Mimi,
You know, you have a lot of friends below those lovely clouds who would catch you everytime.
I'am saddened to read this.

You deserve the best...

Yoli said...


Mimi Lenox said...

Travis - Back to center I go. It's safer there.

Dallas - This post does ring true with lots of folks it seems. Thanks for stopping by.

casdok - Funny. I've realized lately that sometimes trust in relationships comes in transient form.

lu - I appreciate the visit. I will check you out.

Princess Patti - Yikes! The honorable Sir Ralph is observant. I hadn't notice it myself but thanks for pointing it out. I do see it now.

Michele - Thanks for the hug. Writing is cathartic for me. I'm glad you took something away of value. I'm usually not so "blue" ...I'll try to do better.

Akelamalu - Thank you. Looking forward to wearing it. I've never worn a grass pencil skirt before. And I shall be over to see what thou hast wrought.

Barbara - I do feel them, Barbara. No matter what I find myself in, they've proven time and time again that I can count on them. That's priceless. Thank you for being my special friend from France.

Yoli - Hug accepted. I shall try to wax silly next time....or not. Whatever comes out of the pen comes out of the pen.

Jeff B said...

The one to trust is out there Mimi I know it.

The search can be the challange, but the rinding is a sweet reward.


Mimi Lenox said...

Jeff - It's not just about trusting one person so much at times, but about relationships and situations in general as well - what is good for you, what is not - and then there's the confusion that comes along with ambiguity, and the struggle it takes to maintain serious relationships.

The reality is that people change and grow through relationships.
We all do.

Jean-Luc Picard said...

Mimi, you're really up in the clouds!

Mya said...

Beautiful writing and beautiful heart. Keep looking up. I know people are not always who they seem to be and we all change a little everyday, but your life is out there amoung those fluffy clouds just waiting for you to reach for it. Good luck and thank you for visiting my bloggingham.

Soft fluffy thoughts to you,

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