Friday, April 25, 2008

Firetrucks In Bloggingham

So there I was.

Enjoying the thought of coming home to a nice clean castle with shiny floors and that PineSol feeling when all of a sudden, the Mr. Clean aroma was replaced with a whiff of..
Here's how it happened.
Last week, I hired a housekeeper. References. Interviews. Phone calls. Blood tests (just kidding..) and fifteen rounds of jeopardy questions with the Queen. She passed with flying colors and a squeaky clean record.
Today was her first day at Bloggingham.

Her job? Cleaning the castle.

As I was saying, I couldn't wait to get home. All morning I daydreamed of the spotless kitchen that would greet me. Ahhh....Freshly coiffed sheets. Ahhh....Laundry done. Ahh.....Aromas of clean all dancing in my pencil head.

Until the phone call.
"Is this Miss Pencil Skirt?"
What's that godawful noise......
"I set the fire alarm off!!"

Please tell me you cleaned the kitchen first, I thought.
"Why did you mess with the alarm? I told you not to mess with the alarm."
"You don't have a burglar. It's the FIRE alarm."

I'll be right there, Miss Maid.


It's so hard to get good help these days. Wait! What's on fire? Bloggingham's on fire?!
Dialing....and hoping she wasn't paying attention when I asked her not to pick up the phone in my house.

Luckily, she wasn't.

"Umm..I forgot to ask you. What happened?"
She was nearly in tears.
"Well, I was dusting the ceiling vent near the smoke alarm and I must have knocked something on the alarm and it just went off." I had to ask.

"So, there's no fire?"

"No. I told you! I dusted the smoke alarm and..."

I'll be right there, Miss Maid-Who-No-Longer-Has-A-Job.

You mean air conditioning vents are supposed to be dusted? Who knew?!

I drove as fast as I illegally could to the drawbridge of the castle and had to pull over twice to let a firetruck and a car with flashing red lights whiz past me to a fire that I knew did not exist. I tried to flag them down but they weren't paying attention. Not even in my skirt and 3 inch heels. What is wrong with uniformed men in this town?

Hey guys...slllooowww down. There's no hurry. You reeaaallly don't have to hurry. It's just a faaaaaalse alarm.

Only ONE firetruck? Where is the brigade? The camera crew? The news reporter? A suspicious alarm comes in from the Queen's Castle and there is no paparazzi?
I was miffed.


The handsome (and I do mean drop-dead gorgeous) fireman explained to me that my smoke alarm was working just fine - it was the dust from the cleaning that set off the alarm. In other words, there was sooo much dust in the vent that the smoke detector detected smoke instead of dust.

"Well your Firemanshipness, I've been busy chasing down peace globes and throwing message bottles in the ocean you see...I.....just don't have time for.....for.....

Never mind. <I'm sorry to have bothered you. Have a nice day!"
Now who's embarrassed? Who wants a Queen with clogged vents?

And so, I found my frazzled and newly re-employed housekeeper on her hands and knees happily scrubbing the bathtub and mumbling something unintelligible about castles and Queens and wondered....Does she know what she's getting herself into? Did I neglect to tell her that my best intentions always end up on the front page of the newspaper spelling (and smelling, in this case) d.i.s.a.s.t.e.r??? Miss Maid's Inauguration Day was full of fire engines and horrible screechy loud noises; a day to remember in the neighborhood. Just a little stress. Maybe it's best she learns these things right off the bat.
Hmmm....she seems to be handling it well.
Her head sure is buried deep in those cleaning fumes and she's as content as a three-legged-sponge.
I think I'll keep her.
But I'll need to strike "laundry" off her To Do List.
You don't think I'm going to let her near my skirts do you?
In all fairness, she is a lovely young woman who was just trying to do her job. It's not her fault she landed in one of my karma calamities. I hope she comes back next week. I do not want to dust those ceiling vents.
Unless that means the fireman will come back.

I smell a plan.


Linda said...

Ah ... sigh ... firemen ... I do so love a man in turnout gear!

I just have to ask, though, is there anything in your life that doesn't spell d-i-s-a-s-t-e-r??

Anndi said...

Have I mentionned my honey is a volunteer fireman?


Mimi Lenox said...

Linda - No. Lately, my middle name is d.i.s.a.s.t.e.r.....

Anndi - Lucky girl!!!

Empress Bee (of the High Sea) said...

ha ha ha, only in blogingham mimi, only in blogingham...

smiles, bee

Travis said...


The oddest things do seem to happen at Bloggingham.

Lizza said...

So this means you MUST leave the housekeeper something to make her inadvertently set off the fire alarm again to make the gorgeous fireman drop in again for a house call.

That would be fun.

Jamie said...

A hibachi under the alarm could prove effective without actually spreading flames. Take pictures of fire hotties should they return.

P.S. The One Word is Completed

Desert Songbird said...

My cleaning ladies have NEVER set off my smoke alarm and brought firemen to the house. What the heck is wrong with them?!?!? *grin*

Misty Dawn said...

You mean you let the fireman go? You let him leave? He's not locked up in the dungeon for safe-keeping?

Mimi Lenox said...

Bee - I think I need more insurance.

Travis Odd. Weird. Must the the curse of The Dungeon.

Lizza - Taking notes....

Jamie- My camera is ever ready my friend....

Songbird - Now you have an idea! But be gentle....and safe....

Misty - Rats! Why didn't I think of that??!!
Perhaps there could be a fire in the dungeon.....

Patti said...

Mimi, please don't play with fire. You are going to get burned!

And there is this thing called smoke.
We just learned Thursday that my mother's house, which is 95 percent intact, will have to be taken down to the studs, because of smoke damage.

We thought the major damage was contained and all was going to be well, after the smoke residue was cleaned from stuff. Wrong.

A cute firefighter in turnout gear is not worth the misery of losing everything to smoke.

Ralph said...

Mimi, in your pursuit of that cute fireman, perhaps your subconscious allowed just enough dust to buildup in that vent just so you said fireperson???

Charles Gramlich said...


Mimi Lenox said...

Patti - Never fear. I'm just a pencil skirtin' ya.

Ralph - That was deep. Very deep. I bow to your analysis. I suddenly like the way my subconscious thinks. I wonder what else it's cooking up. I should be prepared for anything.

Charles - You can say that again.

Julie said...

Oh my! You do find the upside to most things now don't you Mimi?

katherine. said...

eh...I dunno...maybe the maid deserves a raise...

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