Sunday, January 6, 2008

Sunday Blog Chatter: I Got Arrested On Christmas Eve

Well. Almost.
All I wanted was a crown. A new one. A shiny one. Just one. To put in my Christmas stocking.

And I almost had one in my hot little hands .

Had it not been for the telephone.

A plethera of crowns! Right in front of me. Blue ones, purple ones, silver ones! I was trying to decide which one to buy when the blasted phone rang right there in Toys Ain't Us.
No, I don't mean my cellphone.
I mean the large black customer service phone that hangs on the wall in every department store. Annoying!!! Ring! Ring! Ring!
Hush......would you just hush! I'm trying to pick out a crown here. Can't you see I'm a Queen?!!
And then it happened.
I don't know what possessed me. I couldn't take it anymore. I couldn't concentrate. The ringing had to stop.

Yes, I did.
"Mimi Pencil Skirt. May I help you?"
"Could you assist a customer in electronic toys please, aisle 3?"

I was in over my pencil head.

"Who is this?"

said the very busy and up-to-her-eyeballs-in -screaming children- salesclerk.

"A customer," I meekly and sweetly said."You're not supposed to answer the phone!!"
"I know that..... "
"Hang up the phone, lady!"
"......but it was ringing and I was here."

Thank goodness the pink feather boas and fancy fans were within reach right beside the tiny tinsel tiaras
I think I'm in trouble. What else is new.
For weeks now I've been ruminating in that pencil brain of mine just how I could pull off a caper in the local toys'ain'ta'us joint without getting caught. I had to pick the busiest day of the year - the eve of the eve of Christmas Eve. And I had to pick up the phone.
Eve....n so, it almost worked.

I quickly headed north to the silk flower arrangements in the back of the store. They wouldn't find me there. I was sure of it. I took the pink fluff with me, a ballerina Barbie dress just in case I had to change clothes and a wand.
Don't ask me why I needed a wand.
It just seemed appropriate.
And I would have been OK had it not been for those singing Spanish Abuelita dolls: Tita Abuelita, Pancho Abuelita, Baby Abuelita, Tita Abuelita and just plain Abuelita (Spanish for Grandmother). How could this be correct? They can't ALL be abuelitas! Only the Grandmother can be an abuelita. This is false advertising if I ever saw it. And believe me, I was not amused. So, I thought I'd listen to their song first before I busted 'em.
I pressed the little button. Grandpa sang Fera Jacque en Espanol with a heavy American accent. French and Spanish AND gender misappropriation. No wonder our children are confused. No Spanish Child Left Behind has made a total mess of things.
Papa sang bass, grandma sang something akin to croaking and baby sang a light little American song. Confused again. I thought it might be nice to hear a quartet before I got arrested, so I played them all at once. It was lovely!
I rearranged them. Soprano beside bass, baby soprano beside abuelita and on and on. What fun!

Then I noticed that there were 12 more little abuelitas on the shelf underneath.

A whole choir. I'm in Heaven!
I tried to film a video of the "Sounds of Abuelita" but kept having to hide my camera in the folds of the ballerina crinoline. This caper is half-baked.

I haven't had this much fun since I asked people in the local Laundromat if I could watch their clothes. I was having a grand time in the culturally confused Christmas rush until a whistle blower showed up.
"What are you doing?"
"I wanted to hear them sing."
"We don't allow people to rearrange the toys."
"Well, maybe I want to buy more than one. I need to see if their voices blend, don't I?"
She looked at me holding a pink feather fan with a cart full of mismatched crowns and the smell of black telephone vapor on my hands and said something in her brain that I can't repeat. And it was Christmas! How rude. Is there a law against playing Abuelita dolls? I think not. The sign on Pancho's hand clearly stated "Press my hand. I sing."
And I'm a Queen ya know! I have certain undeniably certifiable rights! I'm a Queen, I say, yes! With rights and a bunch of crowns and a castle and everything. I should be able to hear the Abuelitas. It's a free country!!
The babies kept singing and I continued to inhale feathers. And then I remembered I'd forgotten the shoes. So I headed south.... back to the pink Barbie department to find them. Whew! They were still there.
Aren't they lovely?
And then it happened.

The phone rang.

Not the one on the wall this time, the one in my purse.

It was my sister. "Whatcha doing?"
"Trying not to get arrested in the toy store. I had to go hide...and...."
"Why are you whispering?"
"Don't tell me."
"Well, I just wanted a cr...."
"Don't tell me."
"This is why I don't go shopping with you anymore."
I guess she forgot that she asked for shoes this Christmas. She won't be getting them now. Maybe she'd like a nice feather boa instead......

Note: Way past time for a silly post. I had this ready before the Christmas stress. Thank you for all the support and love I've received in the past week. I hope you enjoy this post. I will be back on track tomorrow with Monday Mimisms and a tag from Tarheel Lee.
It is good to feel like a pencil skirt again.


Linda said...

After all that did you buy a crown? A fan? A wand? Anything???

Hahn at Home said...

The entire household want to know why I'm laughing so hard and loud. It'll be our little secret.

Empress Bee (of the High Sea) said...

oh mimi darling, i would LOVE to go shopping with you!!!

smiles, bee

Jeff B said...

Have you never listened to Johnny Cash?

"Daddy sang bass; Momma sang tenor; Me and little brother we'd join right in..."

Which of course I never understood anyway. Isn't tenor a range of a male voice?

BTW don't if you saw it, but I did post the final chapter of the story a couple of days ago.

Nice to see the silly side of you returning.

Hazaa to the Queen!

Patti said...

Welcome back, your highness.

This post gave me lots of giggles. Gracias.

Mimi Lenox said...

Linda - Do you think my sister is going to get a present after that comment? Ha!
But the shoes were cute, weren't they?

Hahn - Glad to be of service. Laugh away.

Bee - Let's make a date. I'll bet the two of us could get in lots of trouble.

Jeff - I will be over soon to read your final chapter. I want to know what happens to the unlucky criminal. You've kept us on the edge of our seats for days.

P.S. Tenor is a male voice range. A woman can sing tenor an octave higher.

Patti - So glad you know the language and are not confused. Glad you have the giggles! I definitely had my silly hat on today.
Abuelita Mimi

Travis said...

It's good to see the silly around here again!

Misty Dawn said...

During our out-of-state visit, my aunt made the big mistake of asking me to go with her to buy gifts for her great nieces and nephews at the same store in your post. *insert evil laugh* Isn't it the LAW that you have to test ALL the musical, singing, giggling, laughing, crying toys on the shelves all at one time in order to decide which toy to buy? I mean seriously! Good thing she had me along... although, for some odd reason, she says she's not taking me to that store anymore *scratching head in confusion*

Speedcat Hollydale said...

Here here! I would like to go shopping with you too. I am the guy everyone tells, "Will you stop it"!?!
I guess, because shopping is against my grain (unless it's for golf equipment) I do watever it takes to make the trip enjoyable. I like talking to stangers, playing with anything, sports "in store", and the absolute best of all, costume time.

Great post, you have a way of combining the perfect pictures to follow your story... and when do we get to see you wearing the new crown?


Speedcat Hollydale said...

... oh, and you may not remember requesting THIS, but I thought it might be worth a chuckle :-)

Marcia said...

I just wish I had been there to watch and learn... and hear the choir.

katherine. said...

I notice that Jeff missed your "Sounds of Abuelita" video attempt...I KNOW that would be his favorite.

When a customer service phone rings out of contril I have been known to pick it up and ASK for customer service....

Daisy said...

I am in awe of those beautiful crowns. They are much prettier than the one I got from the grocery store. I do not blame you for wanting a whole cart of tiaras.

Robin Lee Sardini said...

Oh so much to do so little time..I'd have thought they would have been grateful to have such a fashion savvy Queen helping the other customers. Certainly it would have given their image a bit of sparkle, actually a LOT of sparkle, don't you agree?

Akelamalu said...

Ah that's more like it Mimi!

I love those shoes - they would look lovely with my wings, tiara and wand! :)

barbara said...

The Queen is back; long live the queen !!
Boy, I think that you have more fun in a toy store than some kids do !
Lot's of love to you :)
P.S. The Abuelita dolls were cute, but singing Frère Jacques in Spanish with an American accent?
Where did they get the idea for that?! But, cute idea to get them to sing together; you are a musician, after all !!

Odat said...

OMG ROFLMAO....I love it...I can see me doing the same thing..but you tell it soooo beautifully!

Julie said...

I bow down to you Miss Mimi. Is it okay to profess my love for you right here in public?

You are amazing!


Margo Moon said...

I think I was there that day. I think you were the one distracting the clerks while I lifted that cowgirl hat. Dang, you look good in pink. Pink's your color. I look better in beige. The cowgirl hat you created the diversion for is beige. Thanks!

Bond said...

Have I not taught you anything? WHen you go into a toy store without a kid in tow, you ALWAYS wear a disguise...

a mustache...a wig...a raincoat.... something...

Mimi Lenox said...

Trav - It's good to be silly.

Misty Dawn - Playing with the toys is irrestible. I knew you'd understand.

Speedy - I'm having a special photo shoot with my crown soon. You'll be the firs to know. After all, you sent me your autograph. It's the least I can do.

Marcia - The choir was very strange. Do you have a blog? I don't know who you are. But welcome!

Katherine - I would have asked for customer service but I couldn't resist the temptation to say "Mimi Pencil Skirt. May I help you?" Can you believe they'd never heard of me??!

Daisy - I'll take you along with Bee and Speedy next time. We'll have a grand time. And you can hold the video camera.

Robin - They obviously did not know they were in the presence of royalty.

Akelamalue -I knew you had wings (because you're an angel) but I did not know about the tiara. I knew we were soulmates!!

Barbara - There was just no getting them in tune. It was hopeless. Everytime one of them got a little better the one on the end would wind down and stop and I'd have to start all over again.

Odat - You know it occurs to me that you are one of several bloggers who has said the same thing. We all should go shopping together. How about the Bloggers Cruise in February?

Julie - Adoration is always welcome. (grin) You are so silly.

Margo - You were not supposed to tell anyone that. Now I'm going to have to flee the country.

Bond - I was anxious to get back. And besides, Bruno and Guido are wearing all the disguises at Bloggingham these days. They're doing a great job!

Jenn said...

You make me smile! I almost got arrested for spraying fake hair dye on my hair when I noticed on the back of the can where it stated "not to be used on bleached hair". Naturally, I ran to the shampoo isle and then towel isle and promptly hightailed it to the restroom so I could wash that pink right outta my hair! Customer service, even at 2am, was not amused.

Deana said...

I love coming here. You make me cry, you make me laugh, you make me feel like we may actually have peace in our lifetime....this post made me laugh. I'd go shopping with you, you're a hoot!

Mauigirl said...

That was hilarious. Thanks for the post-Christmas cheer. I still have my tree up so it's still timely as far as I'm concerned!

I feel the same way you do about ringing phones and would probably have picked it up too!

Mauigirl said...

That was hilarious. Thanks for the post-Christmas cheer. I still have my tree up so it's still timely as far as I'm concerned!

I feel the same way you do about ringing phones and would probably have picked it up too!

Mauigirl said...

Sorry about the triple post! My computer must've frozen...

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