I need another meme like I need another meme. But if I don't finish one today I'm going to have to throw myself in the infamous dungeon. I made this up. Feel free to steal or modify for your own wicked purposes. Cue the music.
Ten Reasons NOT to Go To a Singles Dance
1. False advertising. Nobody is really single. They're all paired up. Do you see anybody dancing alone??
2. Everybody knows why you're there but pretends that's not why they're there.. Obviously, you can't get a date the noorrrmal way. If they only knew I was a Queen.
3. The floors are too slick and they echo. It's hard to make a subtle entrance with a crown on your head in the first place, much less trying to tap g-e-t-m-e-o-u-t-o-f-h-e-r-e .... with Morse code in three-inch heels.
4. You can't lie. Nobody believes your boyfriend is in the bathroom for that long.
5. You can't lie. Nobody believes you have a boyfriend at all.
6. Sweaty palms are not attractive. They sweat more when you lie.
7. There is no law against Drinking and Dancing. Sweat mixed with beer is doubly not attractive. The upside? You can walk away and the fool still thinks you're there. YUK.
7. "Somebody" left me alone to dance with ex-girlfriend #32 since we were ONLY there as friends. What was I THINKING??! I got stuck with a ninety-two-year-old man who wanted to frisk me.
7. I just typed #7 three times and I wasn't the one drinking!
8. The DJ is always a lot cooler and cuter than your date. Who am I kidding? The ninety-two-year-old man was a lot cuter than my date. I do not want to be girlfriend #33.
9. If you skip the dance lesson before the actual dance begins, you're up disco street without a black light, but since I tripped the geriatric light fantastic all night - nobody noticed.
10. And the number one reason not to go to a singles dance:
Maybe next week I'll try a square dance. At least everyone would bow to me.