Monday, May 2, 2016

Monday Mimisms ~ Dancing With Unmentionables

I suppose in light of the fact that I've been away for a couple of months, I shouldn't mention the unmentionables. So I won't..... 
mention the unmentionables. They're not to be mentioned you see. 
I needed some time to unclog the blog. 
And yet I keep accumulating unmentionables. 

Not much has changed.
And everything has changed.
You've heard 'The more things change the more they stay the same' or something like that, right?  It proved to be true in a myriad of ways - my great superb lesson of 2015. And then change turned to chance and back to change once again.

Life is circular you see. There are some revisits you need to revisit. Some circles that need one more bold line of color in the coloring book of your life. And then there are circles you get stuck in, like a merry-go-round in a dizzying nightmare, and you can't stop spinning 'round and 'round. You're screaming for the ride to stop but no one is there to help you....and then you wake up.... and realize that you have to get off this ride all by yourself. 

Since the first of the year, I've experienced these whirling revisits in my family, in my personal relationships, in my career.  Circular lessons. Over and over. The Universe is trying to get my attention. "Hey, Pencil Skirt! Haven't you noticed that this scenery looks awfully familiar?"

"But I don't WANT to look at that again. I closed that chapter many moons ago," I whined. 
"Ummmm, no. It was just a bookmark," said the wise and Omnipotent. "You need to finish the book."

Shhhhh.....hear it comes. The unmentionables.  
 I was blessed this year with a few incredible and unexpected opportunities for that wonderful thing called closure. That thing we all want and need when a meaningful relationship suddenly ends. When a friendship surprisingly withers. Or when someone we love dies. Since last August, I've lost two aunts, an uncle, and watched some of my closest friends bury their own as well.  
So, we stand at gravesides and caskets, staring into the unspoken. 

 The Universe, God, Whatever-You-Call-Yours, wants you to have peaceful closure. I'm convinced of that. I said peaceful closure. And that's on YOU, not them. You're not responsible for how they choose to handle theirs. Want your joy back? I'm about to push you off a cliff and into a hurricane. Here's how it happens:

We begin conversations we thought were forever muted and find ourselves knocking on doors we thought were closed. Invitations come. Mercury Retrograde reverses in our favor. It's as if karma itself wants another chance to right a wrong before it spins totally out of control and whacks the bejeebus out of all concerned and we realize....we may never have another opportunity to heal. To forgive. To understand. To perhaps even find the strength to love unconditionally and without expectation. To choose to stay or go. Again. So, we step into yesterday with fear and trembling. Knowing what fear and trembling yesterday held, that's not an easy assignment.
But it's going to be all right. There is no other choice. We take the step...

And here we stand with the choice to run or stay and finish our business.
What will you do?

Oh, I hope you will stay. Be brave. Because gravesides and caskets are real. And there is no open door to that conversation. 
It's hard to get closure with a dead person.

 Wait for that merry-go-round man to ask for your ticket one more time. It happens out of the blue. You don't even know you NEED it until the man shows up. Hold out your hand and climb into the seat. Buckle up, oh, you'd better buckle up, because it's gonna be one helluva ride.

And, finally, you're locked into a time warp, stealing a piece of time that belongs to only you because it's your lesson to learn and no one can learn it for you. Sometimes you have someone to dance with. Other times you must find it alone. But there is ONE thing that is absolutely essential to the process. And it's dangerous, mind you, but worth it. 
OPEN your heart.

 Open it so painfully wide you think all the blood will flow out at once - but it doesn't. 
You wonder when the hemorrhage will start - but it doesn't. 
Your heart pounds fearfully into your chest wall like seagulls crashing into windowpanes.
Ignore the urge to dial 911 and leave it open.  Don't you dare close it up again. 
Because people with closed arteries die. They hunker down in self-protection and squeeze until no blood can move and life is gone.

You are in control of an open heart.  You control what you allow in and you control what flows out.

Once you're in the thick of it, say what you need to say. Don't leave one word unsaid. Choose your words and own them.
Make your choices. Own them.

 A thing called truth will start to creep in. It will rearrange your head, your heart, your blood vessels, your bones. Your entire perspective is about to change. Your life becomes more colorful.  And before you know it, wisdom takes root, replacing those rose-colored hopes and dreams with a pesky little thing called weeds.  You need those weeds. The ones with the thorns attached. They scrape and cleanse. It's going to hurt. Just a little. As they attach themselves - those strong sturdy weeds of wisdom - to the part of you that needs what it came for.  They remove what stands between you and the rest of your life. You will come to understand that prickly pain is the necessary part.

And the most beautiful part.
Somehow you know.

Because you're free. 

I have been blogging this blog for nearly a decade. The ten-year anniversary of Mimi Writes will happen this month. I founded this space on the promise of authenticity. To myself. To my readers. It's always been about the evolution of me, my own struggles, and sharing my words as honestly as I can. I'm not about to change that now.  

I'm back.
Same pencil skirt.
New insight.

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Mark In Mayenne said...

Hello old friend

jamie said...

Hello Pencil Skirt. It is good to see her majesty's words once more gracing the universe.

Sherry Blue Sky said...

It is always so wonderful to read you, Mimi, for that very reason - your authenticity - and the sheer beauty of your writing, and your awareness. Happy ten years! What a journey it is! So lovely to read you again.

Janice said...

welcome back to the castle!

Mimi Lenox said...

Hi Mark! Hope you are well...

Jamie - It's good to catch the blog writing bug again. Thank you..

Sherry - I so appreciate that from you. Your poetry is incredible.

Janice - Thanks! What's for dinner?

Horoscope Junkie said...

You're right... The more things change the more they stay the same. I've been working online 13 years... so much has changed and then again not much has. No one can learn YOUR lessons. No one can feel your heartache. But collectively we all know the pain of life and learning. Some of us just don't admit to it. Well done mon ami... beautifully written as usual.

Mimi Lenox said...

Dawn - One of the very best things to come out of my online existence was meeting you. We've been true friends since 2008 (?) and I don't know how I would have made it through without you.
It's good to see that most of us have evolved into bigger and better online venues. Your website, Horoscope Junkie, is so successful! I'm amazed by your webmaster skills.

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