Sunday, August 16, 2015

Summer Solace ~ Turn It Up

Attending a concert with my brother
There was something in the water works at the beginning of this season. I left my exhausting job temporarily in the dust and vowed to sweep the cobwebs clean. At least for a few months. Have you ever had an unction to do something, not knowing why you're even saying what you're saying, and it turn out to be the beginning of something truly special?
Let me explain.

I needed to rest. But I began to clean. Not just Lysol and broom kinda clean, but inside out clean. Two strong words reverberated in my heart and mind at the beginning of June: Clean and Open. 

So I raked. And tore brush out from under grandpa's bushes. Ripped weeds from under the potting shed, climbed a ladder to clean the roof with spraying soap and water. All the while thinking, "Clean it out. Open it up. Clean it out. Open it up."
 I slowly pressure washed 800 square feet of a wooden deck, board by board, rail by rail and underneath each nook and cranny, breaking not 1, not 2, but 3 machines. A leak would spout in the wrong place, the engine shut down..... but I was undeterred, and determined to finish the big clean. Watching the old melt away and the original new unveiled once again, was therapeutic. The result is beautiful. 

I finally put my downstairs back together. Reaching into packed up decor from the flood of 2011 (aka hot water heater disaster). I found lost artifacts and pictures, cleaned them and displayed them. 
Open. Clean.

The theme didn't stop there. Looking back, I see it everywhere. Not one to buy frivolous things for myself, I walked right into the store at the beginning of summer like a woman on a sacred mission and purchased the best stereo system I could find with speakers loud enough to scare every squirrel within miles. I set it up on top of my piano and opened the windows. McLachlan's "Building A Mystery" was first, then John Mayer's "Continuum" album (Bold Love and In Repair) plus all my old worship CDs from back in the day, especially the mega praise hit "Open The Eyes of My Heart, Lord."  I played them over and over. The lyrics sank deep in my heart.  I danced. I prayed. I sang. The rake took on a whole new rhythm.

I felt like a clean slate.

 I realized things were unraveling in a way I hadn't seen in years.  Whatever the Universe was trying to tell me, I was listening with all my heart. By the end of summer vacation, I'd mended a riff with my mother that I thought would never happen (initiated by her), sought out some aged relatives in a nursing home and made peace and new memories with them (including my delightful 101-year-old first grade teacher), watched my talented brother embark on a new journey of songwriting and service to his church as we deeply reconnected in ways I never imagined, more healing, and continue to be pleasantly surprised as others from my past have reached out to me recently with an honesty I appreciate but never expected. 

Did they call to me or did my willingness to be open draw me to them?

What does all this have to do with raking and pressure washing and dancing in the dark? I don't know. All I know for sure is that once I took the first step in the clearing out process, outside in my yard, I felt some chains fall off.  It was dirty, exhausting, exhilarating, scary work. Dipping into the past and ripping out weeds always is.  The thing is not to be afraid. They're just dead weeds. Jump right in. You can't be afraid of what you take control of. Truth. Clarity. Openness. The result can be a beautiful thing.

 Turn it up.


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Red Shoes said...

"Did they call to me or did my willingness to be open draw me to them?"

None of us really understand the power of the Universe... I do think that there are powers and events in play that we just can't understand.

For your quote above, I would argue that it was six of one... and a half dozen of the other...

sometimes our willingness to be open is sent across the Universe to those who are willing/able to listen.

Much love to you...



Mimi Lenox said...

Shoes - I think my musing poses questions that perhaps don't need answering. Letting it happen and watching it happen is wonderment enough. Whatever the answer, I am grateful to know you and glean a lot from our friendship and your writings. Thank you for that, Red. Love back to you ~ Mimi

Sherry Blue Sky said...

Mimi, this is why I love you. You not only listen - you heart, and you follow - and the path unfolds beneath your feet. Brilliant and wise, this cleaning and opening. And you inspire me, as I am overdue to do the same.

Mimi Lenox said...

Sherry - I think creative people (such as yourself) stumble on wisdom, maybe even wallow in weeds, searching for ways to make sense of their world. And then answers come to fruition in ways I know are spiritual. Others may call it something else...

You write beautiful words because you have the gift of allowing yourself to be vulnerable on paper. At least I have noticed this in your writing. You inspire ME.
Thank you for your kindness.

Akelamalu said...

A clean sweep in more ways than one. Wonderful. xx

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