Sunday, January 18, 2015

Even Saint Anthony Can't Find It

I've never lost anything quite so completely.
Somewhere in the moated walls of Bloggingham, an electronic device is laughing at me. Perhaps porcelain Baby Jesus, packed up in his annual Christmas box, is using it to watch The Young And The Hopeless; maybe one of the Wisemen needed to catch a Dr. Phil re-run..... or maybe Homer absconded with it out of spite.  He's still mad at me for forgetting his Power Ranger Lego set at Christmas.

I looked in the trash. I looked in the bottom of the trash. I poked and prodded under all cushions and moved furniture to look some more. I vacuumed. I checked windowsills and behind curtains, kitchen drawers and the pasta canister.  Nothing but dust. I took the vacuum cleaner apart (which took some doing) and found no mutilated objects (except an earring I'd lost). Even the filing cabinets, the medicine cabinets, the oven, the toaster and the dishwasher held nothing but the usual dirty dishes, tax receipts, and Queen pills for miscellaneous royal ailments. 

Some time yesterday, whilst packing up the Christmas decorations and taking them to the dungeon, the remote control disappeared. Now, when I say disappeared I mean POOF (!) gone.
I have searched every nook and cranny. I have searched the nooks under the crannies. I have cleaned out the crannies and searched again.  I had to UNpack the packed up Christmas decorations and RE-pack them.  Maybe it fell in a stocking. Nope. Maybe it's wrapped up in the tree skirt. Nope. Maybe it's in a box with the moustache fella. Nope.
I have called on Saint Anthony six times.
He is not listening today. 

I sleepwalk.
St. Anthony Patron of Lost Peopleand Things
There is no telling where that thing is.  The last time this happened it was my cellphone. I found it the next morning in a teacup in the cupboard. I don't even want to know what happened that night.

 Maybe God's mad at me because I prayed to a saint and I'm not even Catholic. But I'm Christian, so it should work, right?! And we all know it works.  Saint Anthony, Saint Anthony, please look around. What's been lost, must be found.  What did I do to make him mad? I've had a few sinners mad at me before, but never a Saint! 

For now, I will have to go to a real church today instead of watching Charles Stanley in the AM for my morning inspiration.
Maybe that's what Baby Jesus wanted all along.

Homer! Put your church suit on. We're going downtown to find a church.

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Travis Cody said...

Dang. At least you can call a cell phone to help find it. Maybe you should try to call your remote?

Mimi Lenox said...

I have concluded that St. Anthony himself took it.

Mimi Lenox said...

P.S. I never found it.

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