Sunday, June 7, 2009

Monday Mimisms: On Ice

It was a plan. It was a brilliant plan.
If only it had worked.

No blogging.
No computer on my lap.
Ice on my leg (pulled muscle. Don't ask.)
Heating pad on my back (Don't ask)
Moist heat on my bruised side (Don't ask)
Hot hot hot baths 3x a day
Muscle relaxers as needed
All weekend
That was the plan.
This was my view.
A Queen's gotta do what a Queen's gotta do.

And all went well Friday night and Saturday. I iced, I heated, I iced, I heated. I bubbled. And bubbled some more. The swelling went down. Yippee! I learned to trust the nice little pain pills and got through Sunday morning feeling better. Until I got up.

I'm so glad I have a sense of humor.
My leg is swollen again (don't ask).
Since you was a TaeBo kick that went the wrong way. The doctor said three weeks ago just before the right abdominal contusion and bruised rib occurred (don't ask), "You may now proceed cautiously to your regular exercise routine. Come back in a month." Billy Blanks (my hero) and I had a very nice reunion, that is, until he said, "Watch the extension of your leg as your throw that kick." I'd never watched the extension of anything much less my leg in all the years I've been doing this SAME video tape and waving a friendly wave to the SAME people year after year who never waved back even though I've been so nice to them all this time and enjoying their little weight loss routine but never once had I watched the extension of my leg. I was curious. And more than a little over-ambitious, excited to be doing my regular routine again even if it had to be cautiously and so....I watched what I was supposed to watch but while I was watching what I was supposed to watch I extended just a little too far and Homer heard the scream all the way down in the dungeon where he'd been holed up dusting the peace globe vault all morning.
Billy did not tell me that watching and extending would cause injury to the inside of the OTHER leg. I wasn't watching THAT one! Apparently, I should have been. He needs to be clearer with his instructions. Who knew you could kick backwards with your right leg and hurt the left one? Who knew???!

So, for the past three weeks I've been gingerly walking on the pulled upper thigh muscle that has become a huge pain in the Queen's behind. I am sooo sick of it. I am used to walking 4 miles a day at breakneck speed and 1-2-3 punching with Mr. Blanks. Well, before all the marathon injuries occurred that I've been blessed with in the last three months. (Don't ask) Not walking is driving me nuts.
And I need to heal this body and fast.
Hence, the plan.

Laid. Meticulously. Brilliantly. Purposely. No blogging. No stress. No work. Nada. Until.....Sunday morning. The plants need watering. Outside downstairs. All my hard work and they are going to die because I watched the extension of my leg. So I went outside for fifteen minutes while my coffee brewed to do the deed. I hosed. I watered. I walked back up the hill. Ouch.

Pineapple. I think I'll have some with my coffee.
I cannot get the lid off the pineapple can. The tab breaks. The can opener will not open the can.
No pineapple for Queenie.

No problem. Cheese fajita! I think I'll make a cheese fajita in the frying pan. Olive oil....I pull the tab on the new bottle. It breaks off. I cannot get the bottle open. I love olive oil. It is calling to me and my fajitas.
No olive oiled breakfast fajitas for Queenie.

By this time, it is nearing lunchtime and I am hungry.

Salad! I'll have a nice big salad that I'd already made up a few days ago and stored in the frig.
I poured raspberry vinagrette and alfalfa sprouts on top. Went back to bed. Exhausted. Propped up the leg with the ice and started to eat my lunch. What??! What's this?
I tasted something gritty in the they needed washing again.
The whole plate was like that! I must have been in a hurry when I made this salad for sure.
I poured it in the trash.
No lunch for Queenie.

I slammed the kitchen cabinet door and the glass breaker alarm went off in the castle. Guess how long it took me to walk back to the panel and shut it off? Exactly too long. Ring! Ring! "This is your security company. There's been a window breakage in your house."


Why am I single? Where is my boyfriend at a time like this? And whose gonna love a multi-injurious monarch with iced thighs anyway?
I can't believe I said that.

This is where a sense of humor comes in handy. For some reason when I got up to throw the salad away, my head started hurting suddenly like a migraine and I got nauseous. I had to call the pharmacist about mixing medications. He said fine. Whatever, Queenie. We're tired of you calling us.

I went back to bed with all my paraphernalia. Picture this. I have an ice pack on my left leg, a heating pad on my back, a hot towel on my hurting head, and a bowl of now cold chicken noodle soup perched on my right leg.
With no spoon.

I looked down at myself and burst into laughter.

Did I mention that the ice bag dumped the wicked cold cubes on my blogjammies when I tried to get up? It was a sight. But at least I was having a good hair day.

I go to la-la land sleep and nearly get rid of the headache. I dream that I am writing half-finished blog posts that Blogger published over and over and over and people were emailing to ask why I never finished the story.

Because, people, I'm a little busy here!

Just as I finally got to a good sleep and feeling better, the phone rings.
It is my mother.
She wants to know if I'm resting. "Ohh?? Did I wake you??"
I tell her about the pineapple, the olive oil, and the salad greens. Before I even get to the greens she is laughing hysterically.

I was not amused.

"Well," she said, "I started to bring you some food but I got sidetracked washing the backside of the house." She's washing the HOUSE?? At a time like this??? I am eating cold chicken noodle soup out of a can and she is washing the HOUSE??!

But back to the plan.

The headache limped into a dull ache and I made an executive decision. It is now Sunday evening. Under no circumstances, no way no how am I getting out of this bed until morning except to answer the door when the food delivery comes and it had better not be cold and there'd better be a spoon somewhere.

I hate that dog.


Lorielle said...

Good God! Take care of yourself! Please!

Anonymous said...

Oh my goodness...we can't have the Queen being ill. Take good care of yourself :) Aloha

Travis said...

Oh dear. You're definitely limping into the summer holidays. Hope you feel better soon.

Bud Weiser, WTIT said...

It's gotta get better. Washing the house? OMG.

Through Thick and Thin said...

Hope you have a better day today Mimi. sending good thoughts and chicken soup your way.

Mojo said...

I know I shouldn't laugh at the misfortunes of others. I know I shouldn't. But my Queen, at some point just before the spoon incident I couldn't help it.

Please tell me you finally found something to eat. You must keep your strength up dear.

The Gal Herself said...

As I was reading your blog, I kept wanting to shout, "Call for a pizza!" But I didn't. (Because I've learned that merely yelling at the monitor doesn't really work and it frightens my coworkers.) But I'm glad you finally got on the phone. A monarch needs sustenance! And pain meds. Sustenance and pain meds and a sense of humor.

I'm embarrassed to admit I didn't know you were supposed to wash your house.

Akelamalu said...

Well it couldn't have got much worse Mimi! I do hope everything heals quickly - I'll send you some Reiki. xx

Bond said...

Wait just a minute...did you actually say:

Laid. Meticulously. Brilliantly. Purposely.

And you are complaining??????

Feel better

Charles Gramlich said...

Sounds like you need several boyfriends. A Himum instead of a harum. A Queen should never have less than three at the least.

Jean-Luc Picard said...

I have so much to ask, but you said not to.

Get better real soon.

Tarheel Rambler said...

There are so many ways to get in trouble with Your Highness by commenting on this post I think I'll just zip my lip other than to say "Get Well Soon".

Mimi Lenox said...

Lorielle - I'm trying here....Homer is helping. Sort of.

Mimi Lenox said...

Thom - Your aloha always makes me smile.

Mimi Lenox said...

Trav - I am not limping!!!!! (well, maybe just a little)...but I'll be back strong and fiesty in no time. Just you wait and see.
Limping. Ha!

Mimi Lenox said...

Bud - I knew you'd appreciate that. (smile)

Mimi Lenox said...

Debbie - I can't cook, Deb. Did you make it yourself? Yes!

Mimi Lenox said...

Mojo - I'm so glad you laughed! I was going for funny, not pity. I have to laugh at myself to stay sane in this craziness.

Mimi Lenox said...

Gal - My mother cleans to excess. Yes, even the siding on the house. She painted the porch ( a very large back porch) last summer.She insists it needs painting again. It does NOT.
This drives my dad, and everyone else, crazy.
I say...have at it, mother. Whatever makes you happy.

And no, I didn't order a pizza (chicken with mushrooms and broccoli) because if I have to be immobile for awhile then I'd better not eat all those calories.
And they didn't forget the spoon.

Mimi Lenox said...

Akelamalu - I love you and your Reiki. Can you just send me a big bunch over the pond for future mishaps....just in case.
Better be prepared is what I always say.

Mimi Lenox said...

Bond - Ha! I think I did say that. Something for me to ponder as I lie here alone.
Thanks a lot!

Mimi Lenox said...

Charles - I want a Himum! Where do I get one?
(See Bond? There's hope for me yet)

Mimi Lenox said...

Jean-Luc - Emails are for asking my friend. And thank you.

Mimi Lenox said...

Lee - Oh, why stop? No one else has. Fire away. I'm all ears...and besides, the Dungeon isn't so bad. Homer is there counting peace globes at this very moment. OOPS. I forgot about Homer!

Homer The Palace Dog said...

Let me out of here, Queenie! I'm sick of dusting.

katherine. said...

I'm gonna start calling you "Bella"

take care of your royal self...I am hoping you are healing.

Dawn (Twisted Sister) said...

My Royal Highness... it seems you have been bitten by the bad luck bug. They say things come in threes....Let's hope the worst is over and you can look forward to brighter days ahead... :)

Ferd said...

It's also funny you watered the outdoor plants despite the deluge we've had these past few days. Hmm... about those drugs... la la la la la...

Laughing is so much better than crying!

(Long hug, little kiss... on the back of your thigh, where it hurts. It's one of those things we learned in med school.)
; )

Desert Songbird said...

I certainly hope your leg is feeling better by now...and that you've had something or two to eat!

BTW, my "word" for word verification? Is "ovenon" - HA!

Mimi Lenox said...

Katherine - I sent you an email. My life has been nutso lately. Read it and weep.

Mimi Lenox said...

Dawn - If bad luck comes in threes then I'm done. YAY!

Mimi Lenox said...

Dawn - If bad luck comes in threes then I'm done. YAY!

Mimi Lenox said...

Ferd - You learned that in MED school??! That's the healing touch alright!

Mimi Lenox said...

Songbird - I left the oven on?! OH MY GOD..thanks for telling me. The blog gods work in mysterious ways sometime ya know!

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